


Be Okay

by Marvelfan1209



Series: Ups and Downs [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Awesome Natasha Romanov, Awesome Wanda Maximoff, Depression, Eating Disorders, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt Wanda Maximoff, Hurt/Comfort, Kid Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Panic Attacks, Parent Natasha Romanov, References to Depression, Wanda Maximoff & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Wanda Maximoff Angst, Wanda Maximoff Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:21:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 59,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27774481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marvelfan1209/pseuds/Marvelfan1209
Summary: After Pietro died, Wanda is broken. She won't eat, she won't talk, she won't take care of herself. All of the Avengers know that they have to get her out of this cycle before it becomes too late. Natasha steps in to take care of Wanda because she sees potential in her. Will Wanda allow Natasha to help her? Will Natasha be able to pull this young girl out of this depression before it's too late?
Relationships: Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton & Wanda Maximoff, Clint Barton/Laura Barton, Cooper Barton & Natasha Romanov, Cooper Barton & Wanda Maximoff, Laura Barton & Wanda Maximoff, Lila Barton & Natasha Romanov, Lila Barton & Wanda Maximoff, Nathaniel Pietro Barton & Natasha Romanov, Nathaniel Pietro Barton & Wanda Maximoff, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Wanda Maximoff & Avengers Team, Wanda Maximoff & Natasha Romanov
Series: Ups and Downs [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2107506
Comments: 77
Kudos: 165





	1. I Want to Die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Hope everyone is doing well!
> 
> This is my first fanfic so it may be a little rusty but I hope you all enjoy it! I'm not quite sure what my posting schedule will be yet but hopefully I will figure that out soon! 
> 
> WARNING: Depressive thoughts/actions in chapter. Be safe!
> 
> I own no rights to Marvel.

WANDA POV:

I felt the moment my brother died. It was a pain that tore through my entire body. I didn't need to see him to know that it was bad. I fell to the ground, my powers flying out of me in all directions, blasting anything near me. Sobs erupted from my chest as I thought of my brother. I was never going to see him alive again and I just lost all the family that I had.

  
That was it. I wanted to die. Forget Sokovia. My life was over now that my only lifeline was gone. Pietro was my control throughout all of this. When I was being experimented on, Pietro was there to help me. When we were trapped under the bed for days as we waited for the Stark bomb to go off, Pietro was there to distract and talk to me. Now, I had no one. There was no one to hold me when I needed comfort. No one to joke around with me to make me laugh. I was done.

  
I decided that I was going to stay with my brother on the floating chunk of Sokovia. I was going to die where my brother died. I still hadn't seen him to confirm that he had actually died but I knew. I knew from the pain that was continuing to shock my body that he was gone.

Ultron.

  
Ultron had done this! If I had never been involved with him, then I never would have ended up here, the place that Pietro was killed. I needed to find Ultron and I needed to do it now! I wanted him to die a slow, painful death. His last moments needed to be staring up at me, feeling the same pain that I felt, that I was feeling. I went to track him down, not caring that everyone else was being evacuated.

  
I finally found him, sitting in a damaged train car, leaning against the edge. I walked over to him and crouched before him, powers flowing freely. I felt such a rage when I went to kill him that I could only utter a few words.

  
"Wanda, if you stay here, you'll die," Ultron told me.

  
"I just did," I replied. "Do you know how it felt?" I could say nothing more as I used my powers to slowly rip Ultron's heart out.

  
Once he was lying dead on the floor, I muttered a few more words. "It felt like that." I knew that he couldn't hear me but I needed to say something to try to ease the pain of the loss I had just suffered.

  
I didn't want to move. I just wanted to die so I stayed there, even when I heard the last call to be evacuated. Tears started to drip down my face but I was happy with the thought that I was going to get to see my brother and family again.

  
Just as the piece of Earth started to plummet to the ground, I felt strong arms lifting me up. I looked up to see Vision carrying me out. I tried to struggle against him but knew it was no use. He was stronger than me and he was not going to let me die. I cried as he carried me to one of the evacuation ships. He set me down and I collapsed to the floor, crying.

  
I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Clint sitting on the floor next to me. I didn't want comfort so I shuffled around until I was out of his reach. My actions must've told Clint to leave me alone because I didn't feel another hand on my shoulder. However I did hear his voice as he told me what had happened. He told me about the kid and about how Pietro jumped in front of him to save him. I just continued to cry.

  
That's when I saw it. Saw him. I turned at one point and saw a lifeless body on the ground. The lifeless body of my brother. I flung myself onto him and started to sob. I didn't care that all of the Avengers were staring at me or that I was causing a scene. I missed my brother and I was going to cry about it.

  
I don't remember when but at some point, I was moved to the Quinjet. My brother was there too so it wasn't much different. I wondered where I was going to stay now that Ultron was gone but I didn't want to worry about it at the moment. Pietro was dead and that was all I could think about.

  
Eventually, we arrived at the compound but I didn't move. I continued to lay on Pietro's body.

  
"C'mon kid," I heard a gentle voice say and I looked up to see Clint sitting above me. There was a blanket draped over my shoulders and I briefly wondered who did that as I stared at Clint's hand that was put out for me to grab. I didn't say anything. Just stared at the hand.

  
Clint went to grab my hand and I pulled away, whining. I really didn't want to leave my brother.

  
"I promise I'll take him with," Clint said, almost as if he could read minds. I still didn't want to but I knew that I couldn't stay in the jet forever so I reached up and took Clint's hand. I had been sitting for so long that when I stood up, my knees buckled, sending me falling to the ground.

  
Clint caught me before I actually hit the ground though and a small part of me hoped that he just let me fall. Maybe I would have hit my head and it would have killed me.  
Clint carried me into the compound, taking me away from my brother. I felt him set me down on a soft bed and then he told me that he would be right back. "I'm going to go get your brother," he told me and it made me cry. He made it sound like Pietro was alive and well but he was lost. That's why Clint had to go get him. Not that Clint had to go carry Pietro's dead body into the compound.

  
I'm not sure how long I sat there crying but I didn't notice anyone was in the room until I felt the bed indent next to me. I looked up and saw Natasha Romanoff, aka, the Black Widow, sitting on my bed, looking at me. It was embarrassing crying in front of the master assassin but I couldn't stop myself.

  
Natasha didn't say anything as she grabbed my hair and started to gently braid it.

  
"What are you doing?" I asked her between sobs.

  
"Braiding your hair," Natasha told me like it was the most obvious thing in the entire world.

  
Before I could ask anything else, Natasha had finished and left the room. That was fine with me because I could continue my pity party. Clint walked in soon after but I was long past being embarrassed about crying in front of him.

  
"Your brother is in the med-bay if you want to visit him to say your final goodbyes." Clint was so calm as he told me this that it made me mad. Why was he acting like my brother didn't just kill himself for him?

  
"Get out," I said quietly.

  
"What?" Clint asked as he leaned closer to me.

  
"Get out," I said a little louder. Clint looked surprised but he got up to leave.

  
"Let me know if you need anything," he told me as he closed the door. That's when I flung myself on the bed and cried. I cried for the loss of my brother. I cried for the loss of my parents. I cried for the several years of experiments done on me. I cried for everything.

  
Eventually, I cried myself to sleep.

_I was standing in the battle of Sokovia, but it was different. Instead of protecting the core, I was in a parking lot. I could see Clint going to pick up a child. I didn't understand what was happening until Pietro was in front of Clint, pushing him out of the way. I felt the terrible burning through my chest and I looked up to see bullet holes going through Pietro's chest. Pietro fell to the floor, blood pouring out everywhere. Clint looked over at me. "Why did you kill him?" he asked as he looked at me. "How dare you?" Clint was seething with anger._

  
_"What?" I asked as I looked at him. I then followed Clint's eyes to my hands when I was holding a gun. The gun was being held to my hands by my powers and I couldn't get it off. "What's going on?" I asked as I frantically shook my hand. That's when I realized that I had shot Pietro. No. I dropped to the ground._

  
_I heard a weird thumping and looked up. Pietro was crawling his way towards me, blood leaving trails behind him. He grabbed my ankle._

  
_"Why'd you kill me?" he asked as blood bubbled out of his mouth. His voice was wet and rattly from all of the blood in his chest._

  
_"I didn't! I swear!" I cried as I looked at him._

  
_"You did!" both Pietro and Clint yelled as they pointed to the gun._

  
_"But I didn't mean it!" I cried as I desperately tried to get the gun to un-stick itself from my hands, to no success._

  
_"You did, you were always jealous of me," Pietro growled. He then took in one deep breath and fell to the ground, dead._

  
_Clint walked over and took the gun from my hand. He had no kid in his arms and I wondered where the kid had gone. I didn't have long to wonder though as Clint picked up the gun and pointed it towards my head._

  
_"You need to be punished for your acts," he said as he pulled the trigger._

I shot up in bed screaming. The bed had been floating in the air along with all of the other things in the room. They all fell when I woke up. My powers were floating through the room. I took several deep breaths to try to control my powers again.

  
Natasha and Clint ran through the door, weapons drawn but calmed down when they saw that there was no threat. Both of them came over to the bed and rubbed my back to try to calm me down.

  
"Are you okay?" I heard Clint ask.

  
I gave a jerky nod of my head as I tried to bring my cries under control. "Do you want to talk about it?" Clint asked me as I calmed down. I shook my head this time. "Are you sure?" Another nod.

  
Since I wasn't going to talk, both Clint and Natasha quietly got up and left the room, telling me to ask FRIDAY to get them if I needed anything.

  
I was extremely shaky as I lay down in the bed, trying to get the image of my bleeding brother and mad Clint out of my head. Any time I blinked, I could see it. It was like it was ingrained in my eyelids, showing every time my eyes were closed.

  
There was no way I was going to get any more sleep so I asked FRIDAY if she could show me to the gym. I checked the time and saw that it was just past 2 AM, meaning that there would be no one in the gym.

  
I arrived and started beating up one of the punching bags. My knuckles were bloody by the end of it but I was calmer so I counted it as a win. By the time I finished in the gym, it was 5 AM. I went up to the kitchen.

  
Steve was standing there, holding a protein shake, dressed in running gear.

  
"Good morning Wanda," Steve said to me as I went to leave. I was trying to avoid human interaction but I turned to him.

  
"Morning," I mumbled.

  
"How'd you sleep?" he asked. I just shrugged. "Well I'm going on a quick run if you would like to join me?" I gave a slight shake of my head but he understood as he let me leave. 

I headed back up to my room. The sun was shining through the open window as it didn't have curtains yet. I climbed into bed and covered my head with the blankets to block out some of the light. It was hot and stuffy under the blankets but there was no light.

  
"Ms. Romanoff would like me to inform you that breakfast is ready." I jumped when I heard FRIDAY's voice. The time had passed and it was now 8 AM but I did not want to get up to go eat so I stayed under the blankets, hating life.

  
There was a knock on the door. I ignored it. "Wanda, can I come in?" I heard Clint's voice.

  
"Sure," I told him, taking the blankets off of my head. My eyes squinted as it adjusted to the light coming from outside. I watched as Clint walked into the room.  
"Breakfast is ready," he told me. "Do you want to come down and eat or do you want me to bring some in here for you?"

  
"Not hungry," I mumbled.

  
"Well Wanda, you need to eat something," he told me gently.

  
"Maybe later. Do you think we could get curtains for the windows?" I was tired of the sun in my eyes.

  
"Of course! We can go out to get some later or you could pick some out and we could have it delivered. I think Natasha is leaving later today to do some shopping. You could go with her to get some clothes your size and decorations for your room!" Clint suggested, excited at the thought.

  
"Maybe another day, I'm tired." I watched as Clint deflated but he seemed to accept it as he nodded. I was currently wearing some of Natasha's smaller clothing because we hadn't had time to go shopping yet.

  
"Okay well let me know when you get hungry or if you need anything. I think we are having a movie night tonight so prepare to come to that," Clint laughed.

  
When I didn't respond, Clint cleared his throat and left the room. I was overcome by an overwhelming sense of hopelessness as I lied back down and cried. Maybe life will be better soon. Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed! 
> 
> I know that this chapter showed more Wanda and Clint but I promise that it will show more Natasha and Wanda soon! I'm not sure how long my chapters will normally be but I'm hoping to make it longer than this one. Let me know if there is anything that you want to happen or anything that you think I could change to make this better!


	2. Will It Ever Get Better?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda has turned to unhealthy coping methods to try to ease the pain of Pietro's death. Clint, the man who had been taking care of her since the death, has to leave, leaving Wanda to take care of herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Hope everyone is doing well and enjoyed the first chapter!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Talk of eating disorder and depressive tendencies. There is also a panic attack scene. Be safe! 
> 
> I am going to try my best to post about twice a week, especially with all of the time off of school due to the holidays but we will see! You all should get at least one chapter per week from me for a little while but I'm hoping to post more. I'll let you guys know of any changes to the schedule though! :)
> 
> Also, this chapter was a little longer than my other one and hopefully this will be the lengths of all of my chapters but I'll see as time goes on and the story forms a little more!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

WANDA POV:

It had been one week since Pietro died and the pain still hasn't eased. I hadn't done anything but lay in bed, workout, and take the occasional trip to the bathroom. Clint would check on me several times a day and he would try to get me out of bed but I refused every time.

We had a funeral for Pietro and I went but it nearly killed me. We stood outside in the cold weather as the coffin was lowered into the ground. I couldn't see him but just knowing that Pietro was in there caused my stomach to feel like lead. Natasha and Clint stood next to me during the entire ceremony which was good because at the end, my legs gave out and they both had to catch me.

They sat with me on the cold floor for hours, comforting me as I sobbed. The only request I had had for the funeral was that he was buried on the edge of the woods. I knew that if he was still alive, he would love running in those woods. He couldn't be buried near our parents like I initially wanted since my parents were nowhere near the compound so near a place that he would be happy was the next best option.

After the funeral, I immediately went back into my room and stayed in bed. The only places I ever went in the compound were my bed, the gym, and my bathroom. I never did go to the store with Natasha and I didn't show up to the movie night with the Avengers that night. I could tell that Clint was worried about me but I couldn't find it in me to care.

I was barely getting any sleep because every night, I would wake up from a nightmare. I was getting better at hiding my screams and controlling my powers. I obviously didn't have much control when I slept but I had found a way to make it so that I didn't sleep extremely deep by setting an alarm to wake me up every half hour or so. The nightmares still came though so I had opted to just not sleep.

Working out became a large part of my life. I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, but I did workout. I tried my best to train with my powers but it was hard when there was no one there to work with. I would work out in the early hours of the morning so that the gym was empty.

One morning I got up and looked in the mirror. What I saw kind of scared me. My cheeks were sunken in and I had dark bags under my eyes. I didn't look good but once again, I didn't care. I just turned around and climbed back in bed.

Clint came in to do his normal morning check on me but this time it was a little different. "Hey Wanda, how'd you sleep?" he asked as he set a plate of pancakes on the bedside table. He did this every morning with a different food item but it was always left untouched when he came in next.

I never answered him and instead sat in bed, staring at him blankly. "Well I would love to stay here with you kiddo but Laura needs me home. Baby number 3 decided to try to make an early appearance so I have to get to the hospital. I'll be gone for a few weeks but you have the rest of the team here to take care of you." I looked at him sadly. He had been my main caregiver and now he was leaving me. It's not that I cared much because I wanted to be able to be by myself but a small part of me enjoyed knowing that someone cared about me.

"If you need anything, you can still call me and I'll do what I can to help you. The team is here and ready to help you, all you have to do is ask," he told me gently. He squeezed my leg and left my room.

As soon as the door closed, my face crumpled and I cried. I was starving from not eating in almost a week but I didn't think I could stomach the food and I was actually fine with dying from starvation. At least then I could be with my family.

I left my room and started to workout even more. My body was running out of fat to burn and I was skinnier than ever. I still only had Natasha's clothes so I basically had no clothes that fit me. Before Pietro's death, her clothes were slightly big on me but now that I have lost weight, I was practically swimming in the clothing. It didn't really matter though because I didn't need to look fancy if I was just staying in my room all the time.

I was punching a punching bag when all of a sudden, black dots started to fill my vision. The room started to spin and then the last thing I remembered was the world tilting as it went black.

I woke up on the floor, looking up at the ceiling. 'What happened?' I thought as I pushed myself up. My head hurt and I lifted my hand to rub the back of my head where I felt a growing lump. I looked around to see if I was knocked out by someone but there was no one near me. 'I must've passed out' I thought as I stood up. Luckily, there was no one there to see me pass out so I was fine.

What I forgot was that FRIDAY monitored all of the rooms. I got up and headed to the locker room. I was still lightheaded and there were still black dots dancing around the edge of my vision so I quickly went up to my room to lay down.

Within five minutes of me laying down, my door flew open and a certain red head was standing in the door-frame. She rushed into the room and put her hand on my forehead, checking for a fever.

"What are you doing?" I asked a worried looking Natasha.

"You just passed out," she told me.

"What, no I didn't," I lied to her.

"Yes you did. FRIDAY told me so don't even try to lie." Natasha was gentle but stern as she talked to me. She left the room but came back quickly with a bowl of soup. I thought that she would place it on the bedside table like Clint did but instead she grabbed a tray and put it on that. "Sit up," she told me.

I looked at her confused and went to sit up. She grabbed my hands to help me and then she placed pillows behind me to help me stay upright. She reached over and grabbed the tray with the soup on it and placed it on my lap. "Eat," was all she said as she pulled up a chair and put it next to the bed, sitting in it, watching me, waiting for me to start eating.

"Well I'm not really hungry Natasha but thanks," I said as I tried to hand her the tray. She gently pushed the soup back into my lap.

"You need to eat, you haven't eaten food in nearly a week and it's starting to affect your body," she told me.

I lifted up the spoon and took a few sips of the soup. It made my stomach flip-flop but I continued eating to make Natasha happy.

I managed to finish the entire bowl of soup and I passed the tray to Natasha. "We are going to go shopping for you later so be prepared for that," Nat told me as she left the room.

I waited until I heard the footsteps leave from outside of my room, then I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. I stuck my finger down my throat and then emptied all of my stomach contents in the toilet. My throat and nose burned but at least it was out. I rinsed my mouth out with some mouthwash that I found in my bathroom and then I headed back to the bed.

Natasha didn't tell me when I was going to have to go shopping so I didn't get ready yet.

I went back into my bedroom and lied down on my bed. I felt really weak and I figured that it may be due to the lack of food in my body but I didn't care. I didn't want to live without Pietro so hopefully the lack of food would eventually kill me.

I fell asleep only to be woken up by the same nightmare. I had tears streaming down my face but not just from the nightmare this time. I felt sick. I had a headache from passing out and hitting my head. I was tired of not getting any sleep. I just wanted to die and be with Pietro and Mom and Dad.

Natasha came in the room and told me to get out of bed. "No," I said as I crossed my arms. I was tired and didn't feel good so I didn't want to go anywhere.

Natasha looked at me, "What did you just say to me?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I said no," I told her.

"Well no isn't an option. Get up, we are going shopping. You need clothes that actually fit you, so get up, take a shower, and then we're going."

I just crossed my arms and stayed in my bed. I had no intentions of getting up and Natasha wasn't going to make me.

Apparently Natasha didn't agree with me because she walked over and pulled the blankets off of me.

"Hey!" I yelled as I tried to grab my comforter. "I'm not going!"

"Yes you are now c'mon," she was eerily calm as she told me that. Natasha grabbed my arm and pulled me out of bed. "Go shower," she said as she pushed me towards the bathroom.

I turned towards her and crossed my arms. "No," I told her again.

Natasha sighed. "Wanda either you go in the bathroom and take a shower by yourself or I'll do it for you. I can assure you that you won't like it if I do it though," she told me.

"Fine!" I spun around and stomped into the bathroom. My cheeks were red from embarrassment at being told that she would shower me. I was 16, not 6. I turned on the water and got in the shower.

I sighed as the steaming water ran over my skin and released all of my cramped muscles from laying in bed all day. I took my time in the shower and then climbed out, dressing in a sweater and jeans that were way too big on me. At least they were comfortable.

I walked out of the bathroom to see Natasha stripping my bed. "What are you doing?" I asked her.

"We need to wash your bed if you are going to sit in it 24/7. It smells," she told me. I huffed and crossed my arms but didn't argue. "Now let's go." I followed Natasha out of my room and through the compound until we got outside.

She climbed in a black car and motioned for me to get in the passenger side. It was a nice car and I got buckled as she headed out. I had no idea where we were going so I just sat back and looked at the scenery.

Natasha didn't talk in the car as we drove all the way to the mall. It was completely silent inside of the car, no radio, no voices, no nothing. It made me a little uncomfortable but I guess it was better than talking.

We arrived at the mall and we climbed out of the car. Natasha led me into the mall which was crawling with people. I followed closely to her so that I didn't get lost. I was not used to being around so many people. It had just been Pietro and me for the longest time. That thought made me sad but I continued to walk, holding back tears.

We went to several stores, Natasha grabbing clothes and holding them up against me. She would grab several outfits and then make me go try it on.

I didn't want to be here. I would rather be at home in bed but there was no way for me to go home unless Nat drove me there and she wasn't going to take me home until we had accomplished our mission of getting clothes that fit me.

We had gone to five stores and had quite the collection of clothes. "Why don't we go get something to eat really quick?" Natasha suggested as we walked by the food court. I shrugged, I didn't want food but I wanted to make Natasha happy.

"Okay," I said. We walked into the food court and got burgers and fries. Natasha started eating as I just stared at mine.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Nat asked.

"Oh," I said, getting snapped out of my daze. "Um, yeah." I picked up my burger and took a bite. I had to swallow past the bile that rose in my throat. Natasha looked satisfied as I ate my entire meal.

Eventually, I finished and we got up to leave. "I have to go to the bathroom before we leave," I mumbled as I rushed to the bathroom. I shoved open one of the stall doors and fell to my knees as I emptied my stomach.

I quickly finished vomiting and was glad that there was no one in the bathroom to hear me. I flushed the toilet and pushed against it to stand up. As soon as I got to my feet, the black dots came back and the last thing I saw was the floor getting closer and closer to my head before everything became black.

NATASHA POV:  
Wanda and I had just finished our burgers when she quickly ran to the bathroom. I had a feeling I knew what she was doing in there but I figured I'd deal with it when we got home. I knew that the path she was going down was dangerous and that I was going to need to step in soon but I wanted her to come to me.

I decided to sit at the table and wait for her to come back. When she didn't come back to the table after 10 minutes, I figured something was wrong. I got up and decided to go check on Wanda.

I went into the bathroom and saw a sight that made my stomach drop. Wanda was lying on the ground, legs and arms sprawled in awkward directions. I noticed that she was still breathing which calmed me down a bit.

I rushed into the bathroom and dropped down next to her. "Wanda!" I said as I gently shook her shoulder. She looked pale and skinny and I knew at that moment that I couldn't wait for her to come to me, I had to step in now.

I picked up my phone and called Tony.

"Hello?" I heard him say into the phone.

"Hi Tony. I need to bring Wanda to the med-bay. She has passed out twice today and she needs to be brought in for observation. She's not eating and I don't think she's resting either." Bruce usually ran the med-bay but ever since Ultron, he disappeared and no one can find him so Tony was going to have to do.

"Okay Tasha, I'll have it ready for her. Where are you?"

"In the mall bathroom. Thanks, we'll be home soon. Bye."

"Bye." I hung up the phone and went back to trying to wake Wanda.

"Wanda please!" I whispered, shaking her harder. I had locked the door when I came in so that no one walked in and called 911.

I looked back down at her and saw her eyes fluttering open. I breathed a sigh of relief once she looked at me. She was awake!

WANDA POV:

I woke up to someone shaking my shoulder. I opened my eyes and saw Nat above me with a worried look on her face. It turned relieved when she realized my eyes were open. I felt even weaker than I had earlier and my head felt foggy. I can't believe I passed out again!

"Are you okay?" Nat asked me as she combed her fingers through my hair. I nodded and then tried to sit up. "Hold on!" Nat said as she gently pushed my shoulders back down to the floor.

"Nat," I whined. "I don't want to be on the floor!" Nat smiled at me and gently lifted my head up. Then she scooted under me and put my head on her lap.

"Better?" she asked.

"Yeah, thanks," I told her. "When can I get up?"

"I want to make sure that you are fully awake so that you don't pass out again when you stand up." I figured that that was a good enough point so I stayed on the ground while I fully woke up. I didn't want to stand up and pass right back out.

"Thanks Nat! I'm good now," I tried to give her a smile but it felt more like a grimace. Natasha looked at me like she didn't believe me but she let me try to convince her that I was doing fine now.

After I woke up fully, Natasha helped me to very slowly stand up. I tried to walk by myself but Natasha insisted on helping me. I was starting to feel overwhelmed and I could feel my powers start to seep out of my hands. I pulled my sweatshirt over my hands and continued to walk with Natasha.

I got to the car using Nat's help and by the time I got there, I was extremely tired. I didn't know why I felt so much weaker than I had earlier in the day. Maybe the lack of food really was starting to take a toll on me. I also had a really bad headache from hitting my head several times.

We got to the compound and I followed Natasha in. Instead of stopping on my floor, the elevator continued going up.

"Where are we going?" I asked Natasha, confused.

"The med-bay," she replied nonchalantly.

"What? Why? I don't need to go there!" I argued. "I'm fine!"

"You have passed out twice in the last 24 hours, you need to be observed to make sure that you are fine. If Tony says you are fine, then you can go but if Tony says you aren't, then you aren't leaving," she told me sternly. What I didn't know was that Natasha texted Tony, telling him that he was to keep me in the med-bay and that if he didn't, he wasn't going to like her very much.

We showed up to the med-bay and Nat made me climb onto the table. "FRIDAY?" Natasha asked. "Can you please tell Tony that we are in the med-bay waiting for him?"

"Sure thing Ms. Romanoff," FRIDAY replied.

About five minutes later, Tony walked through the doors of the med-bay and came waltzing over to me. "So I heard our little witch is having some problems staying conscious today," Tony said jokingly.

I rolled my eyes and sat there, waiting for Tony to determine my fate. Was I going to have to stay in the prison that is the med-bay or was I good enough to get to go back to my own room?

"So when was the last time you ate?" Tony asked me.

"Earlier today." I told him. It wasn't a complete lie, I had eaten earlier today, I just didn't keep it in my stomach.

"Okay let me rephrase that," Tony said. "When was the last time your body had time to actually breakdown that food? In other words, when was the last time you didn't throw up your food?"

"I haven't thrown up in a long time," I lied.

"Uh-huh, okay well since you won't tell me the truth, I guess you have to stay here for awhile so that I can see how bad off you actually are," Tony smirked at me.

"What?" I yelled. "That's not fair, I'm telling you the truth!"

"Wanda," Natasha warned as she placed a hand on my shoulder. She then got close to my ear. "Remember what I told you earlier. If Tony says you stay, then you stay."

"But-"

"No but's," Natasha told me. "You are staying here!"

"Tony's not even a real doctor!" I said, trying to get out of having to stay here.

"I don't care," Natasha replied. "You are staying even if I have to tie you down to the bed!"

I crossed my arms and sat pouting on the exam table.

"Well now that you are done with your little temper tantrum," Tony continued. I blushed and glared at him. "Let's get you into a comfortable bed instead of this hard table!" Tony led me over to a separate room in the back that had a full bed and T.V. I guess when you are a billionaire, you can afford to have hospital rooms that look like the kind of rooms you find in mansions.

"I'll be back in a little bit with some food, what do you want?" Tony asked me.

"I don't care," I replied moodily and Tony shrugged as he walked off.

"Wanda," Natasha started gently after Tony left. "We are here to help you. Once you start eating and resting again, we can let you go back to your room."

I ignored Natasha and instead stared at the wall, wondering if it would ever get better. I heard Natasha sigh but she didn't say anything else as she sat next to my bed.

Tony came back with some kind of food that I had never had before. He put it in front of me and I sniffed it. "What is this?" I asked him. It kind of looked like chicken but I wasn't sure. It smelt different.

"Shawarma, it's great. Try it," Tony said as he pushed it towards me. He handed Natasha a bowl of the same stuff and she dug in. I picked up the fork and stabbed a piece of food. I put it in my mouth and it tasted fine but it made my nausea worse.

I must've shown it on my face because Natasha said, "Are you okay?"

I nodded but didn't say anything in fear that opening my mouth was going to make me puke. Natasha stared at me for a few seconds while I ate the food.

I finished the food and then tried to find a way to get out of the room without being suspicious. I needed to throw up my food. "Um I'll be right back," I mumbled as I tried to climb out of the bed.

"Where are you going?" Nat asked, stopping me.

"I have to go to the bathroom."

"Um nope!" Tony butted in. "You are not allowed in any bathroom for at least half an hour after eating! You can hold it or go in your pants but I'm not cleaning it up!"

"Shut the hell up Tony," I told him, mad that he was getting up in my business.

"Wanda!" Nat said. "I agree with Tony, you are not allowed to use the bathroom until your stomach has had enough time to digest at least part of your food."

"You can't take away my bathroom privileges!" I yelled.

"Wanda calm down!" Natasha told me. "We aren't saying that you can never go to the bathroom. If you really need to go, you can, you just have to let one of us stand outside to make sure that you are safe."

My thoughts were spiraling out of control. How was I going to get this food out of me? Now that I was being monitored in bed, how was I going to sneak out to workout in the middle of the night? I felt my breathing get faster and harder. It felt like I wasn't getting enough air in. What was happening?

My vision started getting dark again which made me panic even more. I felt soft hands grab mine and I opened my eyes to see a blurry figure of Natasha sitting in front of me.

I faintly heard someone saying breathe but it sounded like I was under water. I was pulled into someone's chest. I smelt the slight scent of flowery perfume and I knew instantly that it was Natasha.

I felt her chest moving up and down in rhythm with her breaths. I focused on matching my breaths with the tempo of hers and soon, I could breathe again.

I pulled away from Tasha and lied back in the bed. She sat back down and looked at me with slight worry. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. "I'll be right back, don't move!" Nat told me.

I was tired from my attack but I was constantly aware of the food in my stomach. I waited for her to leave the room and then I started frantically looking around the room for somewhere to empty my stomach. That's when I landed on the door that led me to the bathroom. I jumped out of bed and ran over to the door. I tried it but it was locked.

I continued to quickly look and I found a puke bowl in one of the cabinets. I stuck my finger down my throat and threw up everything I had just eaten. I continued until bile was the only thing left coming up.

I knew I didn't have much time until Natasha got back so I hid the bowl under the bed after I couldn't find the trash can. I would get rid of it later. It smelt but hopefully Natasha wouldn't smell it and I could get rid of it before it stunk up the room.

I climbed in bed and had just got settled when the door opened. Natasha walked in and looked at me suspiciously but she didn't say anything as she walked back over to me with a pill.

She handed me a cup of water and the medicine and I looked at her. "What is this?"

"It's an anti-anxiety med, it should help with the panic attacks." I didn't want to take it but I also didn't want the panic attacks so I took the pill and swallowed it. Whatever was going to get me out of here faster!

Natasha closed the blinds. "You need to rest, you look exhausted," she told me. I watched as she sat down next to the bed.

I closed my eyes and prayed that I wasn't going to have another nightmare but I didn't have high hopes as I drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed! 
> 
> I tried a different POV just to see how everyone likes it. I am planning on doing different characters POV's but I won't if people don't like it. :)
> 
> Comments are greatly appreciated! Again let me know if there is anything you would like to see happen in this story or if there is something you think I should/can change to make the story better.


	3. Why is it so Hard?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda gets put in the med-bay for serious observation and she is losing it. Her anxiety is getting worse and her eating disorder is really coming through. Natasha tries to be there for her but it's hard when Wanda doesn't want help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Hope you are all doing well!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Eating disordered thoughts/habits and panic attacks. Be safe! :)
> 
> This chapter is a little shorter than the last one, sorry! Thank you to everyone who is taking the time to read my story! I really appreciated the few comments that I got on my last chapter. Also, thank you for the kudos! I'm glad you guys are enjoying it! 
> 
> Right now I am posting a lot but it may start to slow down soon once I run out of ideas! :)
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter and have a great day!

WANDA POV:

I woke up shaking and crying. There was a red mist around most things in the room, meaning that I was using my powers. Natasha was shaking me and it took me a moment to realize what was going on. I had just had the same nightmare that I had every night that I gave into sleep except this time, Natasha and Tony were both yelling at me as well, not just Clint. 

"Wanda honey, wake up!" I looked over to see Natasha looking at me with the same worried look she gives me every time I cry or pass out. Everything in the room crashed to the floor once I got my powers under control. There was a wetness on my face and I was confused until I tasted it and realized it was salty like tears. I was crying in front of Natasha once again. She was going to think I was such a baby. 

"You're okay, calm down," Natasha spoke to me gently as she tried to pull me into a hug. I pulled away and stiffened so she sat on the edge of my bed instead of trying to hug me. I took deep, shaky breaths to try to calm down. "Do you want to talk about it?" 

I shook my head no. "Talking helps," she told me. I shook my head again. "Wanda, it really does help and you really need sleep. Can you tell me what happened?" 

"No!" I raised my voice. I was tired of her pushing me. For a second, she looked surprised but she covered it up quickly with a neutral expression. "Leave me alone," I told her in a monotone voice.

"I can't do that, you need to be watched in case you fall and hurt yourself or pass out again," she sounded apologetic but you couldn't tell from looking at her. She looked almost annoyed.

"I'm not a fragile child! I can take care of myself!" I yelled. I could see red coming out of my hands and I quickly stuffed them under the blankets. I think Natasha saw it too because I saw her eyes wander towards the bed and then back towards me. 

"I'm not saying you are a fragile child but you are a child," she told me matter-of-factly. 

"I am _not_ a child," I growled. 

"But you are. Anyone under the age of 18 is a child so I believe, by definition, that you are, in fact, a child. You are 16 right?" I ignored her while rolling my eyes. Natasha sighed but didn't say anything else. She pulled out her phone and started typing. I had no idea what she was doing but I didn't particularly care.

I was still shaking from the nightmare and I didn't want to go back to sleep. I had no idea what time it was but in order to figure that out, I had to ask Natasha which wasn't going to happen. 

I noticed that the room smelt bad and that's when I remembered the vomit that was under the bed. I started to panic a little bit. Surely Natasha had already smelt it and realized what had happened. If she didn't find it though, there was no way that she could prove that I actually did it unless I admitted to it, which I would never do. I started to try to find a way to get it out of the room but I didn't have to worry for long because Natasha's phone rang and she left the room while she answered it. 

I jumped out of bed and steadied myself against the wall when my vision went dark. I managed to stay conscious as I looked under the bed to grab the bowl. The bowl was gone and I started to panic. Someone found it! My breaths were coming in short gasps and I fell to the floor, clutching at my chest, trying to take in air. My vision was going dark again and I thought with fear that I was going to pass out again. I tried to get air in but it wasn't working. I pulled at the blankets on the bed, trying to pull myself up, and I saw the door open. There was a blurry figure in the door frame and that was the last thing I saw as I passed out for the third time.

NATASHA POV:

I was sitting in the hospital room, texting Clint, telling him how Wanda was doing and asking about Laura when I heard small whimpers. I looked up and saw Wanda's face start scrunching up. She started struggling with the blankets and tears started pouring out over her cheeks.

I had no idea how to comfort a kid by myself! I had only ever taken care of Clint's kids by myself and they were younger. Wanda had had nightmares before but Clint was always there to help. This time, I was by myself. 

I was trying to decide whether or not I should wake her up when a red mist started covering the entire room. The decision was made for me then, I needed to wake her up before she hurt someone with her powers. I knew it was a bad idea to wake a sleeping person, especially one with her powers but I needed to risk getting hurt so that she didn't hurt anyone else. 

I stood up and started shaking her shoulders gently. She didn't wake up so I shook her shoulders a little harder. She shot up in bed and her eyes opened. She looked around the room confused for a minute before the red mist retreated back into her hands and everything slammed to the ground. 

She was crying and shaking and it hurt me to see her like that so I tried to pull her into a hug. She pulled away as her eyes looked everywhere but at mine. I was a little upset when she didn't want to be hugged but I figured she knew what was better for herself so I sat back down.

I tried to get her to talk but decided not to push any further after she snapped at me. If it was anyone else who yelled at me, they would be on the floor so fast that they wouldn't have known what happened but this was Wanda. She was just a child and a scared one by the looks of it. I wanted to help her. I had experience with nightmares but if she didn't want help, there was nothing I could do. I couldn't force her to talk. 

I sat, staring at her for a few seconds before I pulled out my phone and continued my conversation with Clint, telling him what happened. My phone rang and I looked at her for a second to make sure that she was okay before I stepped out of the room.

"Is she okay?" was all I heard when I answered the phone. 

"She's fine. Stubborn, but fine," I told Clint, rubbing a hand over my face. 

"You need to get her eating under control. She's going to hate you for it but it needs to be done." I knew that he was saying either convince her to eat or give her a feeding tube. She was going to hate me either way but I would rather gently convince her than shove a tube down her nose. 

I had smelt vomit the second I entered the room earlier and after Wanda fell asleep, I looked for it. I found a bowl under the bed and cleaned it out, putting it outside of the room so that she couldn't use it as a puke bowl again. She needed nutrients and puking them all up was not helping her body. I texted Clint to tell him how bad Wanda was getting with her eating and how she passed out again. Then we continued our conversation. He offered for us to come for a visit at the farm but I told him that Wanda needed a constant until she could get back on her feet, meaning that it wasn't good for her to move around while she was still sick. 

We continued our conversation. "I know! I will talk to her once I go back in there about the eating thing. She is getting sicker but she doesn't realize it, she can't go much longer like this though." 

"If you need me to, I'll come ba-" Clint got cut off from another voice.

"Ms. Romanoff, Ms. Maximoff's heart rate is rising and it seems that she is having a hard time breathing," I heard FRIDAY tell me. I dropped the phone and ran in the room. I didn't see Wanda at first but then I saw a hand on the other side of the bed, gripping the blankets. I saw Wanda's head pop up before her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she started to crumple to the floor.

"Wanda!" I said as I jumped forward to catch her. I managed to get there in time to catch her head so that it didn't hit the floor again. She was pale and her body was trembling, despite being unconscious. I wanted to get her back in the bed so I tried to very carefully shift her until she was in a position that I could pick her up from. I put one arm under her shoulders and the other arm under her legs and stood up. 

I expected her to be heavy so I was surprised and slightly horrified when she was light. Lighter than she should be. 

I set her in the bed and worked on waking her up. I shook her shoulders and hoped that she would open her eyes. The longer she was out, the more dangerous it was and she was making me more and more worried. 

It felt like hours but in reality it was probably only a few minutes, if that, before Wanda opened her eyes. Her blue eyes looked up at me from on the bed. "Wanda?" I said to see if she was responsive.

"What happened?" she asked in a whisper. 

"You passed out again," I told her gently. 

"In bed?" she looked confused and I realized that she didn't know what had happened. 

"No, I left the room and FRIDAY told me that you were having trouble breathing. I came in right as you were passing out and I caught your head so that you don't get an even worse concussion." At first she looked even more confused but then it seemed like she remembered everything as her eyes went wide. "Do you remember what happened after I left the room?"

"I got out of bed to stretch and I just stood up too fast," I knew immediately that she was lying. She wasn't able to meet my eyes and she also wasn't able to sit still, both big tells of lying. 

"Uh-huh, what really happened?" Her eyes shot up to meet mine at that question. "FRIDAY wouldn't have told me that you had problems breathing and that your heart rate was going up if you just stood up too quickly." 

She seemed to think it over and then apparently she came to a decision because she turned away from me and got comfortable in the bed. I was annoyed that she wasn't going to answer me but if I wanted to get anything out of her, I had to keep my cool. 

"Can I trust you to stay in bed for five seconds while I go grab my phone?" I asked her, trying to hide my anger. She ignored me so I took that as a yes as I left the room to grab my phone that was still on the floor. 

Clint was still on the phone so I picked it up to my ear. "What happened?" he asked, sounding worried. 

"Wanda passed out again, she got out of bed for some reason but she won't tell me why. She is choosing to lay in bed and ignore me," I told him. I walked back in the room and was glad to see that Wanda hadn't moved from her place on the bed. "Let me call you later," I told Clint.

"Okay, good luck!" he told me. "Call me if you need anything."

"I will, bye," I hung up and walked over to the bed. "So, are you going to tell me what happened yet?" No answer. "Well before you say anything, I found the bowl of vomit under the bed. You know that's not good for you! What do you want to eat?" She didn't even look at me but I did see her stiffen up at the mention of the vomit. "Wanda?" She still didn't look at me and I was getting annoyed. 

I dragged my chair over to the other side of the bed where she was facing and I sat down. She turned her head the other direction. "Wanda!" I snapped. I didn't mean to snap but I wanted her to look at me. It worked because she turned her head back over to face me. I breathed a sigh of relief from finally getting her to look at me. It wasn't much but it was a step.

WANDA POV:

I was annoyed. Natasha kept pushing me to talk to her and I didn't want to. Didn't she get that? I continued to ignore her until she snapped. That got my attention. She has never snapped at me before. 

She looked calm when I turned to face her but she was good at hiding her emotions. "What do you want to eat?" she repeated. I didn't want anything to eat! "You have five minutes to think of what you want to eat and tell me or I'm choosing for you." I guess Natasha had run out of patience. 

I tried to think of food that sounded appealing to me but nothing sounded good. Just thinking about food was making my chest tight, my breathing faster and made bile crawl up my throat. 

Five minutes came and I still hadn't told Natasha any food option. "Wanda, your time is up. Are you going to tell me what you want to eat or am I making that decision?" I looked away and tried to get my breathing under control. I definitely didn't want to pass out _again._

"So I guess I'm making the decision. Cool, you'll have a grilled cheese sandwich," Natasha stated as she told FRIDAY to order me the sandwich. My breathing was getting harder every passing second and soon, I felt like I had an elephant sitting on my chest. Natasha must have noticed that something was wrong because I found myself staring into her eyes as she sat on my bed. 

"Breathe Wanda," she told me gently. She picked my hand up and put it against her chest to feel her breaths. "Copy my breathing," she exaggerated all of her breaths so that I could follow them easier. 

I calmed down but still felt sick. I did _not_ want to eat that sandwich. The thought of it started to pick my breathing back up again but I forced myself to calm down by looking at Natasha. "Do you want to talk about what's going on?" Nat asked me. I shook my head. She sighed but didn't move off of the bed. 

We both sat on the bed silently for a few minutes until FRIDAY's voice interrupted our thoughts. "Ms. Romanoff, the food has arrived."

"Can you have someone bring it up to us please FRIDAY?" Natasha asked and I figured that she didn't want to leave me alone again.

"Of course Ms. Romanoff," FRIDAY's gentle voice responded. 

A few minutes later, Tony entered the room, holding two brown bags of food. "FRIDAY told me these are for you?" Tony asked.

"Yup," Natasha said, popping the 'p'. 

"So the little witch finally decided to eat huh?" Tony asked as he set the bags down. I watched as Natasha shot him a glare. Tony put his hands up and left the room shouting, "You're welcome!" over his shoulder.

"Asshole," Natasha mumbled under her breath as she started to open the bags. She placed a grilled cheese sandwich and a small bowl of tomato soup in front of me. I had to steady my breathing as I picked up a spoon and dipped it in the soup. 

Instead of actually eating the soup, I just stirred my spoon in it for a few minutes until Nat cleared her throat. I looked over at her. "It's going to get cold if it just sits there," she told me. 

I looked back at the soup and scooped up a tiny amount on the spoon. I put it in my mouth and immediately wanted to spit it back out. I resisted the urge to spit it out and swallowed it. Even though it was a tiny amount of soup, I felt like I was swallowing a bowling ball as it traveled down my throat. 

I looked back at the soup and I couldn't help it, I started crying. Big fat tears were rolling down my cheeks, blurring my vision as I thought of the food I needed to eat. I tried to wipe them off but they were immediately replaced with new ones. I turned my head to hide the tears from Natasha but I was too slow. 

"Are you okay?" Natasha asked as she got up and walked over to me. I nodded while hastily wiping away the tears. I had cried _way_ too many times in front of her and it was embarrassing. 

"I'm okay," I choked out but my voice cracked, making me blush.

"Honey, you don't have to eat all of the food. I just want you to try your best."

"But I don't want it!" With that statement, my face crumpled and I burst into sobs. I was tired which was making it harder for me to block my emotions. I felt Natasha's arms wrap around me and I sobbed into her shoulder. 

One of her hands was gently rubbing my back while the other was cradling the back of my head. "I don't want the food Tasha!" I said between sobs. She just shushed me and continued to hold me. 

I managed to calm down after several minutes and I pulled away from Natasha, embarrassed about breaking down in front of her over tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. 

"If you don't want to eat Wanda that's okay," she started gently. "There are other ways we can get nutrients into you, they just aren't as pleasant. We can put in a feeding tube. It is a thin tube that would go into your nose and it would go down into your stomach. It can give you the nutrients so that you don't have to worry about eating food." She was extremely calm and gentle when she was talking to me and it kept me calm, despite the words that she was saying. I didn't want a feeding tube! It would hurt but I also didn't want the nutrients that it gave me. That would kind of defeat the purpose of starving to death. 

I shook my head. "I know it's hard Wanda but it's either eat the food or get a feeding tube. I'm not saying this to be mean, I want to help you." I still shook my head. "If you don't at least try to eat the food, then Tony will have to insert a tube later this afternoon," Natasha told me calmly. 

I turned away from her but didn't pick up the sandwich. I could use my powers to resist the tube so I had no problems. I smiled slightly at that thought. I knew that my body was going to start failing soon from the lack of nutrients but I didn't care. I was going to see Pietro and my family soon. I was sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed the chapter!
> 
> I tried to show Natasha's and Wanda's relationship a little more in this one but I'm still working on developing a mother-daughter relationship between the two.
> 
> As always, comments are greatly appreciated and let me know if you would like to see anything happen or if there is something you would like me to change!


	4. It Gets Harder Before it Gets Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda is getting closer to death from not eating. Natasha decided that it is getting too dangerous to allow Wanda to try to eat by herself. The plan is to put a feeding tube in her but will Wanda use her powers against the tube to die or will she finally give in?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Hope everyone is doing well!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Eating disorder thoughts/behaviors and some somewhat intense scenes. Be safe! :)
> 
> I hope you all are enjoying this story so far! So 3,500 words is probably going to be the average amount of words for my chapters since that is usually what I get to or somewhere around there. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter!

WANDA POV:

After I didn't eat my sandwich, Natasha announced that she was going to talk to Tony about receiving a feeding tube. I wasn't worried because there was no way that they were putting a tube in me with my powers. Sure my powers were weaker due to my body not getting nutrients but they were strong enough to stop a medical procedure from happening to me.

Natasha had left her phone on the table so I saw that it was currently around 2 in the afternoon. I was not allowed to leave the bed unless it was to use the restroom which Natasha had to help me with. She had a little key that she would use to unlock the door to let me in and then lock it once I left. I tried to reason with her to tell her that there was no reason to lock the door if I wasn't allowed out of bed but she locked it anyways.

Tony came in about an hour later. "So are we placing a feeding tube today?"

"Yeah," Natasha sighed. I didn't protest because I wasn't going to allow it anyways and I didn't want to waste my energy.

Tony nodded and left the room. He came back in a few seconds later with a cart. On the cart, I saw a long yellow tube and several syringes. My heart was starting to beat a little faster when I saw it but I still didn't protest. I had my hands under the blankets to hide the red cloud that was surrounding them. 

"Okay Wanda," Tony started. I was surprised that he said my name. Usually it was something like "little witch" or "baby avenger." Never Wanda. "So this isn't going to be the most comfortable thing but if you stay calm and don't resist the tube, then it will go down easier and quicker." He put a glass of water with a straw in it on the table in front of me. "When I tell you to, drink some water, that will encourage the tube to go down your throat." 

He took the tube out of the package and Natasha came over next to me and rubbed my arm. My hands were still under the blankets, my powers building. 

Tony put the tube up to my nose and started by measuring it. He held one end of the tube to the tip of my nose. He then brought the tube to my ear lobe and then down to where my stomach is. He marked that point with a sharpie and set the tube back on the cart. 

"I have some numbing spray that we can put in your nose," he handed me a bottle and I squirted some of it in my right nostril. It stung a little bit at first but soon I didn't notice it. "Okay, just try to relax and it will be over soon," Tony said as he grabbed the tube. He dipped the end of it in a lubricating jelly and started to bring it towards me. Natasha was still next to me, rubbing my arm and back.

It was time to act. 

Right as the tube got to the edge of my nose, I pulled my hands out from under the blankets and forcefully moved Tony away from me. He slammed into the wall. Natasha jumped back at first but then tried to restrain my arms. I used my powers to push her away as well and she slammed into the chair in the corner of the room. 

While I was dealing with Natasha, I didn't realize that Tony had gotten up. I turned around after I saw movement but it was too late. Tony had a syringe that he plunged into my neck. I tried to use my powers but the room started spinning and turning black. The last thing I saw was Tony rubbing his shoulder from where it hit the wall as I fell asleep.

NATASHA POV: 

I was surprised at how calm Wanda was when Tony came in to put in the feeding tube. I had to check with him earlier to make sure that he was okay with placing the tube after he woke up in the cave with one several years ago but he assured me he was fine to do it. 

He came in and Wanda just kind of sat there, staring at him and nodding when he gave instructions. Tony was just about to insert the tube when Wanda jumped back in the bed and threw Tony back. 

My first instinct was to back up and grab the gun that I had attached to the bottom of the bedside table but I quickly changed my course of action and lunged forward, grabbing Wanda's arms and trying to restrain her. I was a second too late and Wanda raised her arms and pushed me into the chair. While Wanda was looking at me, Tony had stumbled to his feet and grabbed a sedative from one of the drawers on the cart. 

Wanda turned around but she was too late. Tony stuck her neck with the needle and she quickly lost consciousness as she slumped over in the bed. 

I got up and walked over to the bed. "Are you okay?" I asked Tony as I watched him rubbing his shoulder.

"Yeah, I should've expected that," he laughed slightly as he grabbed a new tube. I shifted Wanda in the bed so that she was back to lying down. Tony repeated the process of measuring and lubing the tube and then he inserted it in Wanda's unconscious form. Tony then checked the placement of the tube and taped it to Wanda's face. 

I helped him to mix up the formula and hook it up to the tube. "Thanks Tony," I told him when he was done setting the speed for the formula. 

"No problem, I'll come by later to make sure that the feeds are going well," he told me as he left the room. I sat down on the edge of Wanda's bed and started to brush through her hair with my fingers. 

"Oh baby, what are we going to do with you?" I whispered to myself as I looked at Wanda. I knew I had another half hour or so before the sedative wore off so I picked up my phone and called Clint.

"Hi," he said. 

"Hi, the feeding tube is in," I told him.

"How did she handle the placement?"

"Not great. She was calm until the tube came to her nose. Then she pushed Tony and me back using her powers. Tony managed to sedate her before she caused serious injuries. The tube is placed now and she is still asleep. She'll probably wake up soon and hopefully she reacts well to the tube," I told Clint.

"Well I'm glad you finally got it in her, expect her to be upset when she wakes up. She needed it though before she died. Laura is doing well and so is the baby so I can come back soon."

"No rush Clint, we really are fine here, don't worry," I assured him. 

"Okay, well I'll still probably come over soon if Laura lets me," he laughed. 

I was going to answer when I heard groaning coming from the bed. I looked over and it looked like Wanda was starting to come to. "I have to go, Wanda's waking up," I told Clint as we said our goodbyes and I quickly hung up to walk over to her. 

She was probably going to be confused when she woke up so I wanted to be there to help her with any reactions. The first thing Wanda did, before she even opened her eyes, was reach her hand up and put it on her cheek where the tube was. I gently grabbed it and put it back on the blankets. I didn't need her pulling her tube out this soon after it went in.

WANDA POV:

I felt airy as I started to become aware of my surroundings. Someone was talking. It sounded like a female and it also sounded familiar, I just couldn't place it. The world was dark and then I became aware of my eyes. I tried to open them but my eyelids felt heavy. 'What happened?' I thought as I heard the talking stop and footsteps getting closer to me. 

I noticed that my cheek felt weird and I went to touch it. My arm was heavy but I was able to pick it up enough to move it to my face. I felt a thin tubing on my face as well as a bandage material. I tried to grab it but my hand was quickly grasped in a soft, warm hold and pushed down to my blankets. 

"Wanda, are you awake?" I heard the familiar female voice ask. I focused all of my energy on it and was able to open my eyes. I blinked blearily and saw a red head looking at me from the side of the bed. Natasha.

I was trying to remember what happened and where I was when Natasha said, "We are in the med-bay at the compound. Do you remember what happened?" 

Being asleep, the thing on my cheek, the weird feeling in my nose and throat, being in the med-bay, all of it was starting to come together and I remembered. I had just been sedated after my freak out over the feeding tube placement. I must've just been waking up for the first time. 

My brain was taking a little longer to register so it took me a second to remember that Nat had just asked me a question. "Um, yeah, I think so," I told her quietly. Talking made the tube in my nose move and I didn't like it. I went to grab the tube but was stopped by Natasha grabbing my hand again. 

"Don't touch the tube Wanda, it's in now and you don't want to pull it out. It'll hurt and you don't want that do you?" I didn't want it to hurt but I also never wanted the tube in the first place.

Natasha seemed to decide that I was not going to pull the tube out this second so she backed up from the bed and sat down in the chair that I had slammed her against. I winced at the thought. "I'm sorry about earlier," I mumbled. "I freaked out over the tube and I couldn't control my powers. I know that I have to get better at that. Is Tony mad at me? Are _you_ mad at me?" I talked quickly but a bit differently to try to prevent the tube from moving in my nose. It was a lie but I didn't want to tell Natasha that I had planned to use my powers on her from the point that she told me I was going to get a tube. It was just easier to say that I had lost control.

I watched as Nat took a deep breath, "It's okay Wanda. We know that you were just scared. Once you are healthy again, I will train you so that you get better at control over your powers. I'm not mad and neither is Tony. He is going to be back in a little bit to check how your feeds are going. How do you feel?" she asked me gently.

"A little nauseous," I told her. I didn't feel like I was going to throw up but there was enough nausea to make me uncomfortable.

"That's normal after getting a feeding tube placed. Your stomach is trying to get used to having food in it again and also the new formula. I will have Tony bring some anti-nausea medication." I wanted to pull it out but there was no way I could do it with Natasha here. 

"Okay, do you think you could go get me a jello?" I asked. 

"Um sure, stay in bed," Natasha ordered as she went to leave the room. She looked suspiciously at me when I asked for a jello. Probably because I had refused to eat anything in days and I had just told her that I was nauseous all of two minutes ago. I had no intentions of eating the jello but I needed her out of the room to take out the tube. 

She left the room telling me that she would be back in a few minutes and I got to work. I pulled the piece of tape off of my cheek and started to gently pull on the tube to experiment with how it felt. It didn't hurt so I decided to continue pulling. It only took me about 5 seconds to get the tube out and it hadn't hurt at all. I threw the tube across the room and it landed on the floor, dripping formula on the floor because it was still connected to the pump. I reached over the bed to press the power button and the dripping stopped. 

NATASHA POV:

When Wanda asked for the jello, I was a little confused but I was happy that she wanted to eat something! I told her to stay in bed and then I left the room to go grab the jello. We didn't have any on the med-bay floor but we did have some in the kitchen so I went down there. I could use something to eat too. 

I got maybe halfway to the kitchen when FRIDAY's voice rang out. "Ms. Romanoff, you might want to head back to the hospital room. Ms. Maximoff is attempting to refuse medical treatment." Even though FRIDAY didn't flat out tell me, I had a feeling I knew what Wanda was doing. 

I ran back to the room in time to see Wanda sit back in the bed, her tube lying on the floor, still connected to the long tube that attached it to the pump. 

"Wanda!" I yelled. "What the hell are you doing? I told you _not_ to touch your tube!" I was beyond mad. She was going to die if she didn't accept treatment and I couldn't let her die. 

Wanda just shrugged as she sat in bed. She seemed satisfied that the tube was out but she also seemed scared by my reaction. She smirked at me when I picked up the tube and threw it out.

"This doesn't get you out of the tube, we are just going to put it back in," I told her and her smirk disappeared. "FRIDAY? Can you tell Tony to get up here please?" 

"Of course Ms. Romanoff." 

I was pissed at Wanda but I still cared about her so I walked over to her to check her nose and throat. 

"What are you doing?" she asked. 

"Checking to make sure that you didn't do any damage when you took the tube out. No one has shown you how to do it correctly yet. That was stupid Wanda, you need that to survive," I told her disappointingly. Luckily, there was no damage that I could see. 

While I waited for Tony, I grabbed a rag and started to clean the formula on the floor. 

WANDA POV: 

Natasha seemed pissed when she walked in the room but I was too happy that I had gotten the tube out to care. I was less happy when she told me that it was going back in but I could just repeat the same process. I was getting weaker and weaker every passing second but that just meant that I was getting closer and closer to seeing my family. 

Natasha was cleaning the floor when Tony came in. "What happened?" he asked, sounding bored as he looked at Natasha. Then he looked at me and his eyes widened slightly. 

"She took the tube out," Nat informed him. "I need you to put it back in."

"Well I can't do it now, the sedation hasn't had enough time to leave her system, if I give her anymore, there could be consequences."

'Ha," I thought. 'Now they can't put the tube in.'

"Oh she doesn't need sedation. If she is capable of pulling out the tube, she is capable of dealing with the placement. I told her not to take out the tube and she didn't listen so she gets to have the tube put back in and she _won't_ be using her powers if she knows what's good for her," Natasha sent a pointed look at me. I gulped. 

"Well, okay then. I'll be right back," Tony said as he left to go grab the cart.

We went over the same routine as before with him measuring the tube and explaining what I needed to do, like drink water. He also let me spray the numbing spray in my nose, the left nostril this time. Tony had told me that the right nostril would be too sore to put the tube down again so he had me do the left one. 

Natasha came near my arm and rubbed my back again as Tony lubricated the tube. I was trying to get my powers to start so that I had control of the situation but nothing was happening. Tony must have realized what was happening because he said, "Your powers won't work too well after being sedated. You are also getting so weak that they are going to be getting weak as well."

I started to panic as the tube met my nose. I tried to pull back but the tube continued its journey anyways. It burned and I cried out. "Stop!" I yelled as I tried to pull back again. I was against the bed though and there was nowhere else to go. "Please Tony!" I yelled. I scrunched my nose up and tried to stop the tube from going down my nose. 

It hurt so bad and I was willing to do anything to get it to stop. Tony paused from inserting the tube and said, "Wanda, can you please take a drink of water?" I was crying too hard to understand him and so he continued to push the tube down. 

Natasha was rubbing my back which made me feel a little better but I was still incredibly upset. The tube reached the back of my throat and I puked all over the bed. "Just a sip of water will help the tube to go down," Tony said as I puked again. Natasha picked up the water cup and brought it to my lips but I pushed it away as I puked yet again. 

"Tony please stop!" I moaned through my sobs. My nose was still on fire and it felt like my brain was being stabbed. Tony and Natasha stayed calm throughout the entire thing while I sat there crying and squirming, trying to get away from the tube. Natasha was partly comforting me and partly holding me in place so that Tony could finish putting in the tube. 

I puked again. "Are you almost done?" I asked, praying that it was over. 

"Wanda, we can't push the tube down any further until you stop throwing up. If we put it in your stomach and you throw up, you could puke up the tube and then we would have to restart. We got through the hardest part, now we just have to keep pushing it until it goes into your stomach. We're almost done. Just try to breathe," Natasha said as she rubbed my arms and back. She also carded her fingers through my hair. 

"Do you want to try the water?" Tony asked as I stopped puking. I nodded slightly, trying not to move my head which would move the tube, and Natasha grabbed the cup. She inserted the straw into my mouth and I took a sip. Tony pushed the tube down with the sip of water and I realized that it made my gag reflex less intense. I sipped a little bit more water and soon, the tube was in my stomach. 

I was still crying but it had lessened from the sobs from earlier. Tony taped it on my face and then checked the placement to make sure that it was actually in my stomach. He then hooked the new tube up to the formula and announced that he would be back with the anti-nausea medication. 

"Let's get you cleaned up honey," Natasha said as she pulled me into a hug. I cried apologies into her shoulder for a few minutes before I let her help me out of the puke covered bed and into a chair. 

Tony came in with the medication and I took it, waiting for the nausea to subside, while I watched them strip the bed. I felt bad but I didn't really want to move so I just sat in the chair, staring blankly as I watched them make my bed. 

Natasha gently helped me into the bed and I just sat there, trying not to move because any time I moved my face at all, the tube would move inside of my nose which didn't feel great. Natasha turned on a movie and I watched it. Tony and Nat talked quietly and then Tony left the room as I watched the movie. 

Tony came back in carrying something that I couldn't see. I was too busy watching the movie to care though. 

"Wanda," I heard Natasha start gently. I looked at her. "So for a few days, Tony and I think it would be best if we made sure that you weren't tempted to try to remove the tube."

"I don't want the tube," I whispered. Nat looked at Tony and then looked back at me.

"I know honey. We have to keep you safe and that means that you can't pull the tube out. For now, we are going to make sure that you don't have to worry about accidentally pulling the tube out." I was confused but it made sense as I turned to see Tony holding restraints. 

"What? Tasha I don't need those," I begged as tears started to roll down my face again.

"Oh Wanda," she said as she looked at me with pity. "Just for the night. If you can prove to me that you won't take out your tube, then we can take them off tomorrow. I just need you to be safe. I don't want you to accidentally pull it out in your sleep. Just don't try to take the tube out and we can take off the restraints tomorrow okay?" 

I cried as Tony put the restraints on my hands so that I couldn't move them close enough to my face to remove the tube. "Sorry Wanda," Tony told me as he finished putting them on. 

I ignored him and Natasha as I lied in the bed with my eyes closed. I cried myself to sleep that night with one thought in my head.

I was going to die, no matter what it took. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! 
> 
> I know I jumped around a lot with the POV's but there were so many feelings from both of them that I wanted to include! Let me know if it was too confusing and I will try to avoid doing that in the future! :) 
> 
> So with the feeding tube scenes, I based them off of my own experiences slightly. I had to have a feeding tube for several months due to a medical condition I have and I was required to place and take out my own tube every two weeks so I kind of know what it feels like! I made Wanda's experience more traumatic than some of my experiences but the way that the tube felt was based off of my own personal experiences. I can't say that that is what it is like for all people, that is just what it was like for me personally. :)
> 
> Hope you all have a good rest of your week!


	5. Final Hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda is at her darkest moment yet. She can't think of anything other than how upset she is and how she wants to die. Wanda realizes that she must take things into her own hands if she ever wants her wish of dying to succeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Hope you are all doing well!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide attempt and depressive thoughts/actions. Be safe! :)
> 
> This chapter is a really dark one so if you don't want to read about that, maybe skip this chapter! I want you all to stay safe so please don't read if it is going to be unhealthy for you!! I didn't know if I wanted to follow through with the plot line in this chapter but I did so hopefully it doesn't suck!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

WANDA POV:

After Natasha and Tony put me in restraints, I had been ignoring both of them. My nausea was getting increasingly worse as time went on but I was too mad at them to ask for medication. 

The first thing I did after the restraints were put on was try to use my powers to remove them. I was too weak so only a thin line of red traveled out of my hands. The second thing I did was cry. Natasha tried to talk to me but I hated her. Why would she put me in restraints?

I layed in bed as sobs racked my body. Natasha came over to me and hugged me.

"Get off of me!" I yelled as I cried harder. I couldn't push her off because my hands were tied down. "Get off!" I yelled again.

Natasha stood up but she looked at me with pity and concern. "Honey, please talk to me," Natasha tried gently.

I just sobbed. I felt extremely depressed. I wanted to die and Natasha wouldn't let me. "I promise that we'll take off the restraints tomorrow if you promise not to take out your tube." I ignored her and continued to cry. I was starting to hyperventilate and Natasha sat in front of me on the bed. My legs weren't tied down so I picked one up and kicked her stomach, _hard._

Natasha jumped back when I kicked her. I went to kick her again and she grabbed my foot. She pinned it down to the bed as I struggled to get free. I picked up my other leg and she grabbed that one too. I was now completely pinned down to the bed and I started to squirm to try to get away.

"Wanda!" Natasha said. "If you kick me again, I will have Tony restrain your legs too!" she told me sternly. That comment made me stop.

"Please don't Nat!" I wailed as I went limp. I couldn't stand the thought of being completely tied down, not being able to move at all. 

Natasha slowly let go of my legs and I could see her hesitate for a second before she got off of the bed. "If you behave and don't kick me, then I won't restrain you but if you don't, well, you know the consequences." Natasha seemed mad but after listening to me crying for another five or so minutes, she seemed to calm down and come sit next to me. 

This time, instead of pushing her away, I moved my head closer to her hands and melted into her touch when she started running her fingers through my hair. "Please take the restraints off Tasha!" I begged. "I promise I won't take the tube out!"

She seemed to think it over for a second and then said, "Fine, I will have Tony come take them off. But," she was quick to add when I sighed in relief, "If you even think about taking the tube out, the restraints will go right back on. Got it?"

"Yes, I promise I won't!" I cried in relief. Nat must have realized that the restraints were only making things worse. The only thing I had done since they were put on was cry and that sure wasn't helping my health. 

Nat asked FRIDAY to bring Tony to the room as she continued to play with my hair. 

"What did the baby avenger get into this time?" Tony asked as he walked in. I shot him a weak glare.

"Nothing, I want you to take the restraints off," Natasha replied.

"You mean, take the restraints off of the girl who just ripped her tube out less than an hour ago?" 

Natasha nodded. "I mean, okay, but I'm not looking forward to having to put the tube back in when she takes it out," Tony replied as he started to undo the restraints.

"Oh you won't have to put another tube in for a long time because Wanda isn't going to be touching it, right?" she asked while turning to me. 

"Right," I mumbled as my right arm was set free. I moved my wrist around to relieve the muscles from the cramped position they were in from being held in the same place for an hour. 

My crying had slowed down dramatically from earlier but I was still upset. I really didn't want the tube but I knew that if I took it out, all that was going to happen was that I was going to go through the hell that was placing the tube and then I was going to be restrained again, and I wasn't excited for either of those things. 

I was in a daze and the next thing I knew, Natasha telling me that it was time for bed. I hadn't slept much the past couple of days and I was tired, even though I was scared of the nightmares. 

I was feeling especially vulnerable and scared because I didn't feel good, all I wanted to do was die but Natasha and Tony were doing everything to prevent that, and I didn't want to sleep and get trapped in my nightmares. I was overwhelmed which was enough to make me start crying again. I hated that I was this emotionally unstable but I couldn't help.

I wanted something but I couldn't figure out what it was. I knew that I wanted to die and see my family but there was something else that my body wanted, I just couldn't figure out what. 

As I turned to face the chair Natasha was sitting in, I figured out what I wanted. I wanted someone to tell me that I was going to be okay and that someone was Natasha. "Nat," I whispered, half hoping that she wouldn't hear me, but being a super assassin, she heard easily and her head snapped up from the book she was reading. 

"Yes?" she asked in a quiet voice.

"Um, do you think that you could maybe, um, come, well, never mind," I stuttered. I didn't know what I was going to ask her, 'Hey Nat, can you come hug me and tell me that I am going to be okay because I am so broken?' It sounded ridiculous. 

"What do you want me to do Wanda?" Natasha asked gently as she set down her book and turned her full attention to me. I knew I shouldn't have opened my mouth. 

"I don't know," I said. I had to fight against myself to not ask her to come over to me. A tear slipped down my cheek. 

"Wanda, what's wrong?" she asked as she got closer to me. 

My body couldn't take it anymore and I jumped up from the bed and into Natasha's arms. I sobbed in her shoulder. I felt her stiffen up at first but she quickly relaxed and picked me up. I was embarrassed at being carried like a baby but I just buried my face into the crook of her neck and tried to calm down. 

Luckily, the jump from my bed to her arms hadn't pulled out my IV or feeding tube, which were both connected to a pole on the other side of the bed. Instead of putting me back in the bed, Natasha swayed back and forth with me in her arms for a few minutes. 

I was wondering how she was able to support my weight for that long but then I realized that I had probably lost a lot of weight from not eating. Natasha hummed as she brought me back to the bed. She placed me down while I was still crying and I was upset. I tried to hold onto her but my brain made me let her go. Did she not want to be around me anymore? Was she finally fed up with all of my breakdowns? 

She made sure that I was comfortable and that all of my tubes were out of the way and then she climbed on the bed right next to me. She pulled me back into a hug and let me cry it out. I cried myself to sleep feeling safe in Natasha's arms. Now only if she could keep the nightmares away.

NATASHA POV:

"Nat," I heard Wanda whisper my name. I looked up and was met with the sad expression of Wanda. 

"Yes?" I asked.

"Um, do you think that you could maybe, um, come, well, never mind," she was stumbling over her words. I watched her as she seemed to have an internal battle.

I waited for her to say more but when she didn't, I said, "What do you want me to do Wanda?" I got up to move closer to the bed and all of a sudden, Wanda was off of the bed and into my arms. She was sobbing and my heart broke for her. She had gone through so much in the past couple of weeks. I wanted to do something to help her but I didn't know what. 

After about a minute of standing there, I decided to pick her up. I lifted her up and was shocked at how light she had gotten. I had picked her up the other day and she was light but she was even lighter now. It felt more like I was carrying a 6 year old Lila, not a 16 year old Wanda. 

I rocked her back and forth and hummed, trying to calm her down. She was calming down a little bit and I figured she would be more comfortable in the bed instead of in my arms. 

I placed her in the bed but right before I set her down, I felt a resistance from her. It felt like she tried to hold onto me but her body was too weak. She looked at me with a look that longed for comfort so after making sure that she was situated, I got in bed next to her and held her as she cried herself to sleep.

She finally fell asleep and I sighed. This poor girl needed her rest. Chances are, she's going to wake up in a few hours from a terrible dream that she won't tell me about. I wanted to help her but there really wasn't anything I could do. She won't open up to me and I can't read her mind. 

I went to crawl out of bed but she whined and grabbed my sweatshirt so I stayed. 

Wanda slept peacefully until about 1 in the morning. She started to struggle in my arms and her eyebrows were knit together like she was in pain. 

"Wanda!" I said as I pulled her away from me. "Honey, wake up!" She started to cry out.

"Pietro please! Nat no, Clint I'm sorry!" she mumbled in her sleep. Whatever she was dreaming, involved Clint and me. 

"Wanda!" I shook her. She bolted up gasping for air. Then something in her features changed and before I could ask her what was wrong, she twisted and vomited all over the floor. 

I rubbed her back while I pulled her hair back. I could see her back heaving from sobs as she leaned over the edge of the bed. "Are you okay?" I asked her. She gave a shaky nod as she moved back to the bed.

"I'm sorry!" she told me with tears threatening to spill over. 

"What are you sorry for?" I asked her gently.

"For throwing up and waking you up. I promise I didn't mean to throw up! It just happened, I'm sorry," she breathed out as she started crying.

"You didn't wake me," I had already been awake, just watching Wanda to make sure that she was still breathing. "I know you didn't mean to throw up. How about I clean that up and we'll get you some anti-nausea medication?" She just gave me a slight nod.

"Okay," I climbed off of the bed and asked FRIDAY to get Tony. It was 1 in the morning but chances are that Tony was still awake, working in his lab. 

I grabbed a rag from the cabinet and started to clean Wanda's vomit. By the time I finished, Tony had come in. 

I looked up when he walked in and was horrified to see that he was carrying the restraints. Without saying anything, he looked at the rest of the vomit on the floor and then at Wanda. He walked over and grabbed Wanda's arm to start restraining it. 

"What? Please no!" Wanda cried as she realized what Tony was doing. 

"Tony!" I snapped and he turned around, pausing from putting on the restraints. He walked over and I pulled him aside, whispering in his ear. "Wanda does not need the restraints! What were you thinking coming in here and putting those on? She threw up after she woke up from a nightmare and she needs anti-nausea medication. That's all I wanted you for!"

"Oh," Tony told me sheepishly. "Sorry."

"If you ever do that to her again without asking me first, we will have problems Tony. _Serious_ problems." Tony shivered as he left the room to grab the medication. 

He came back a few minutes later with a pill that he gave to Wanda. She took it but only after some gentle coaxing from me. She was still shaken up from the nightmare and the restraints fiasco. Tony also turned down the speed on the feed so that Wanda didn't get as nauseous. 

"Can you tell me what happened in your nightmare Wanda?" I asked after Tony had left. She just looked at me. "Please, maybe I can help?"

"It's the same one every time," she started. "I shoot Pietro and then you or Clint shoots me." I could tell that that was a short summary of what happens in the nightmare but I wasn't going to push. At least now I had a general idea of what it was about. 

"I would never shoot you Wanda," I stated gently. She looked at me with such trust that it hurt. "You didn't kill your brother. That was all Ultron. The sooner you realize that, the sooner your nightmares will go away."

"But it's my fault that we were with Ultron in the first place!" she cried. "When my parents died, we were put on the streets. Then we agreed to be experimented on, just so that we could leave the streets. I wanted revenge and Ultron was headed that way. It's all my fault!" 

"It is not your fault. You have nothing to be guilty for. You and your brother were just doing what you needed to survive, that is not your fault," I stayed as calm as I could throughout telling her this so that I didn't scare her. 

Wanda rubbed at her face to get rid of the tears and I watched her hand closely. She was rubbing right by the tube and I was getting ready to spring up and pin her hand down if she tried anything. She didn't though. She wiped off the tears and then she let her hands drop in her lap. 

"Are you ready to go back to sleep?" I asked her.

"No," came her short reply. 

"Baby, you need your sleep."

"I don't want to have another nightmare!" I could hear in her voice that she was getting upset again so I dropped the subject.

"Okay! How about we watch a movie until you're ready?" Wanda seemed to contemplate this for a moment before she nodded her head. I turned on the TV to some crappy movie and sat down. I really needed a shower but there was no way that I was leaving Wanda alone. Maybe later I could get someone to watch her so I could go get cleaned up. I didn't want to leave her but I was starting to stink.

We spent the rest of the early morning watching TV. Neither of us got sleep. I didn't mind that I hadn't gotten any sleep but I really wanted Wanda to have gotten some sleep. I was starting to think that we were going to have to give her sleeping pills. 

It was around 7 when I decided to go take a shower. I texted Tony asking if he would watch Wanda for a little bit. He replied with 'I'll have someone head up.' 

A few minutes later, Pepper walked in the door. She looked at Wanda with concern and then walked across the room to me. Wanda didn't even react, she just sat staring at the TV. 

"Hey Pep," I whispered. 

"Hey, is she okay?" 

"She will be," I told her. "Could you watch her for a little bit while I go take a shower?"

"Of course!" Pepper replied. 

"All you have to do is make sure that she doesn't pull out her tube. If she tries to, attempt to grab her hand and ask FRIDAY to get me. She shouldn't but you never know. If she takes it out, don't worry. She may puke but hopefully she won't. She had some anti-nausea medication earlier so she should be good-" Pepper cut me off.

"Nat, you are only going to be gone for a little bit. We will be fine," she assured me. 

"Thanks Pep," I told her as I walked over to Wanda. "Wanda," I tried gently. Her loose gaze moved over to me, somewhat focusing. "I'll be right back, I'm going to go take a shower. Pepper is here to keep you company okay? Listen to what she says and behave. I'll be back soon my little witch," I told her. Her features didn't change at all. She had an emotionless look on her face and she turned back to the TV as I started to leave. It broke my heart. 

PEPPER POV:

Tony called me asking me if I could head up to the med-bay. 

"What happened to you this time?" I asked as I started up there. 

"Nothing happened to me," he sounded offended that I had even checked. "It's the little one, Wanda. She is depressed after her brother's death." I had heard a little bit about this from talk around the compound but I had only seen her during the funeral. 

"Oh, how is she doing?" I asked, concerned as I continued to walk. 

"Not great, she is on a feeding tube now and she is at death's door. If she doesn't get nutrients soon, she is not going to make it," Tony actually sounded sad for once.

"Oh my gosh! That's terrible! Okay, well I'm headed there now. Talk to you later Tony." He said goodbye and we hung up. I had no idea why they wanted me to go see Wanda but I was willing to help. 

When I walked in the room, Wanda looked so much worse than I expected. Her cheeks were sunken in from all of the weight that she lost and she was staring straight forward at the TV. Her hair was greasy and she had a bright yellow tube sticking out of her nose. Her eyes were red, indicating that she had cried recently. She didn't even turn her head when I walked in the room. I walked right past her face and her eyes never once moved from the pictures on the TV. 

Natasha looked helpless which was an expression that I had never once seen on her face. 

We had a quick conversation and I could immediately see how much Nat cared about Wanda. I finally got Nat to feel calm enough to leave me with Wanda and she tried to talk to Wanda. Wanda looked at her but from what I could see, it looked like Wanda's gaze never actually landed on Nat. 

Nat left the room and I was left alone with Wanda. I decided to just let her watch TV. 

Wanda turned to me shortly after Nat left and asked me in a voice that broke my heart, "Where'd Tasha go?" 

"She went to go take a shower, she'll be back soon," I told her gently. Tears came to her eyes at this news but she turned back to the TV. I wanted to let her be but when I saw the tears streaming down her face, I couldn't help myself, I walked over to her. "Honey it's okay," I said to her as I rubbed her shoulder. "She'll be back soon, I promise!" She continued to cry and I felt absolutely helpless. Now I knew why Natasha had looked the way she did when I walked in. 

Wanda didn't say anything. She just sat there with her eyes closed, tears leaking out of them. I rubbed her shoulder and told her that it would be okay. 

It was only 15 minutes before Nat walked back in the room. She immediately rushed over to the crying Wanda. 

"What happened?" Nat mouthed while looking at Wanda with concern. 

"I don't know!" I mouthed back. 

"Wanda sweetie?" Nat tried. "I'm back." Wanda kept her eyes closed and continued to cry. Neither Nat or I were causing Wanda to calm down so we both got up and walked over to the other side of the room. 

"What happened?" Natasha asked.

"I'm not sure. After you left, she asked where you went and then started crying when I told her. She's been crying since you left." 

Natasha sighed. "I don't know what to do for her Pep!" Natasha sounded distraught. "She is getting worse and worse as the days go on. It kills me to see her like this." I watched as Natasha looked over my shoulder at Wanda.

"You are doing great Nat," I told her. 

"Thanks," she said as she looked back at me. "Well thanks for staying with her, I'm going to try to get her to sleep a little more but we'll see how that goes." 

"No problem, let me know if you need absolutely _anything_ else," I told her as I left the room. 

WANDA POV:

I was tired, sad, depressed, angry, sick, hurt. The list goes on. But most of all, I was done living. 

I barely registered it when Pepper walked in the room. I had met her once before at the funeral for my brother but she other than that, I barely knew her. She had missed my breakdown at the end of the funeral so she hadn't seen me at my worst. 

I barely heard Natasha talking to me and the next thing I knew, Nat was leaving the room. I was confused so I turned to Pepper to ask where she went. Pepper told me that she went to go take a shower which was understandable. I needed one too as I hadn't taken one for several days. Or maybe it was a few weeks? I had no idea how many days I had spent in the med-bay. The last time I took a shower was when Nat had taken me out shopping and that seemed like forever ago. 

I continued to think back further and further, all the way to the day of the Battle of Sokovia. The day Pietro died. I felt tears come to my eyes but I didn't care. All I wanted to do was see him again. I was broken without him. He was my other half and now he was gone. 

I closed my eyes to try to shut out the memories as tears started falling. I felt a hand on my shoulder and surprisingly I didn't jump. If it was someone dangerous, maybe they would kill me and I would get my wish. 

That's when I realized something. 

My body was getting the nutrients it needed to survive through the tube. My body was no longer dying. The thought made me cry a little bit harder. I desperately wanted to pull out the tube but I knew that they would get another one in me long before my body gave up. I needed to take matters into my own hands. 

I faintly heard another person walk in the room and then I felt another set of hands on me. The hands quickly disappeared and I was left by myself. Instead of opening my eyes, I let myself fall further into the bed and I cried harder. 

I heard someone leave the room, my guess was Pepper, but I still didn't open my eyes. I heard some more shuffling and then the TV turned off. "Wanda?" That was Natasha meaning that my guess was right. 

I opened my eyes but continued to cry. I looked at her and I saw the worry on her face. She usually did a really good job at hiding her emotions but I could see the worry painted all over her face. 

"What can I do to help you?" she grabbed my hand and looked at me. I wanted to say, 'Let me die,' but I knew that Nat would never let that happen so I stayed silent. "Do you want to try to get some more sleep?" I didn't move and instead just looked at her. She sighed. "Let me know if you need anything honey. I want to help you, just say the word and I'll do my best." 

I turned away from her and stared at the blank TV. Tears were continuing down my face and I didn't care enough to wipe them away. I couldn't find it in me to be embarrassed, especially in this state. 

The rest of the day went by pretty quickly. I was lost in my thoughts almost all day. I thought of happier times with my family, I thought of Pietro hugging me when I needed it, I thought of having picnics with my family when I was five, and most importantly, I thought of how I was going to see my family again very soon. 

It soon became dark outside and Natasha told me that it was time for bed. I hadn't acknowledged her but I did turn over and close my eyes. Natasha had stayed with me the entire day but the tears had continued all day as well. I was honestly surprised that I still had more tears to cry. 

I had pulled my hand away from Natasha when I moved to go to bed so she also moved away and went to go sit in the chair. I knew that Natasha hadn't slept in days so this was the night for me to pull off my plan. 

I only had to wait about an hour before Natasha fell asleep. The one good thing about getting nutrients was that my body was getting strong enough for my powers again. I knew I had to be careful because one noise would wake Natasha up. 

There was a lamp on my bedside table that had a light bulb in it. I untwisted the light bulb with my powers and held it in my hand for a minute. This was going to be the hardest part. 

I wrapped a blanket around the light bulb and used my powers to twist it. I heard the sound of shattering glass and I looked over to Natasha. The sound had been faint but it still could've woken her up. Fortunately for me, she was still asleep. 

I carefully unwrapped the blanket and took a hold of one of the glass shards. I turned it around in my hands for a few seconds, looking over it. I set the glass shard in my lap and gently moved the blanket with the other pieces of glass to the bottom of the bed. 

This was it. I was going to get to see my family and brother again. 

I put the glass shard to my wrist and pressed down. I quietly hissed at the pain that blossomed in my wrist as I watched the blood pour out over my arm. I made another cut in my other wrist and watched the steady stream of blood pour out. 

The blood was soaking my blanket but I wasn't going to be around long enough to care. I made a few more deep cuts in my arm and then I set the shard down. I started to feel really dizzy and lightheaded and I lied back against the pillows in the bed. My arms were stinging and the blood was making my arms slippery. 

I thought of Natasha as I closed my eyes and welcomed the darkness. 

This was it.

This was the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed the chapter!!
> 
> I know that this was a dark one and that I ended it on a terrible spot!! I am going to try to get the next chapter out soon!! Again, I didn't know if I was going to follow through with this plot line but I did so I hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> As always, comments and feedback are greatly appreciated and if there is anything you want to see happen or see changed, let me know!! 
> 
> Hope you all have a great week!


	6. Is This The End?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha is starting to feel the pressure of not being able to help Wanda. Is Wanda going to make it or is this really the end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Hope everyone is doing well!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Intense talk of suicide, depression, and anxiety. Be safe! :)
> 
> This is another dark chapter so you may want to skip it if needed. I don't want to hurt anyone so please be safe and don't do anything unhealthy for you!! This is a bit of a shorter chapter but not by much. Hopefully you guys were okay with the way that I took this story, especially in the last chapter.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read, liked, or commented on my story!! It really does make my day and I love reading any comments that are left for me!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

NATASHA POV:

I was absolutely exhausted after this long day. Wanda seemed to be getting worse, not better, which concerned me. I hadn't slept in days and it was starting to take an affect on me. I really didn't want to leave Wanda alone at night but I figured that FRIDAY would tell me if anything went wrong and I wasn't going to be much help if I didn't get sleep.

It was pretty early when I fell asleep but I was just so tired that there was no way I could keep my eyes open for one more second.

I woke up to the sound of something falling on the floor. It sounded like glass. My eyes shot open and I expected to see Wanda's red powers floating around the room. Instead, I saw a sleeping Wanda in the bed with something on the ground next to her bed. It was too dark to tell what it was. 

"FRIDAY, turn on the lights to 15%," I said. Nothing happened. "FRIDAY?" When she still didn't answer, I climbed out of bed and stumbled my way over to the light switch. I flicked the light on and I thought that Wanda would yell at me for waking her up with the lights. There was no yelling, just silence. I turned around to see what was on the floor and I was met with a horrifying sight. 

Wanda was lying in a bed that was soaked with blood. The white blankets were saturated with the red liquid and Wanda wasn't moving! There were several glass shards on the floor, coated in blood. I ran over to the bed and checked Wanda over for injuries. It didn't take me long to see the wounds that caused all the blood to pour out. 

She had several long, deep slices on her wrists and she was unresponsive. 'Oh Wanda,' I thought sadly as I frantically grabbed the blankets to wrap around her arms. 

"FRIDAY!" I yelled. "Get Tony NOW!"

I screamed in frustration when I remembered that FRIDAY wasn't working for some reason. "Shit!" I yelled as I tried to figure out a way to get Tony or at least someone to help. I was holding a blanket around Wanda's arms and I was scared that if I moved, she was going to bleed out. 

I looked around the room and I saw my phone sitting on a table near the chair. I didn't want to remove pressure in fear that she would bleed out but I knew that if I didn't get help, she would most likely bleed out as well. I quickly tied the blankets around her arm and then ran over to the table. I grabbed my phone and rushed back to Wanda. My hands were covered in blood and it was making the phone slip out of my hands. 

I quickly pulled up my contacts and called Tony. "Pick up. Pick up. Pick up," I whispered aloud as I turned my attention back to Wanda. 

The phone went to voicemail. "No! Tony you need to answer your phone!" I yelled as I called him again. It was only around 11 o'clock so I knew that he had to be up. 

While I waited for Tony to pick up, I checked Wanda's pulse. I moved my finger around on both her neck and her wrist to feel for a pulse. I had to hold back the tears when I couldn't find one. The phone was still beeping, waiting from someone to pick up on the other line while I started CPR. 

I had set the phone on the bed, speaker on. I sighed in relief when I heard Tony's voice. 

"What's up?"

"Tony I need you to get your ass up to the med-bay now! Wanda doesn't have a pulse and I'm currently doing CPR! FRIDAY isn't working! Please hurry Tony! She tried to kill herself!" I was frantic as I begged him to come. I couldn't lose Wanda. 

"Oh my gosh! I'm on my way!" I heard heavy breathing on the other side and I figured that he was running. 

It felt like hours but it was probably less than a few minutes before Tony ran in the door. He was pushing a cart and I recognized it as a crash cart. That cart was going to save Wanda's life. 

Tony ran towards the bed while grabbing sticky pads from the machine. He pushed Wanda's shirt away so that he could place the pads on her chest. "Step back Tasha," Tony told me calmly. 

I picked my hands up off of Wanda's chest and moved back a few feet, ready to jump in again if necessary. Tony pressed some buttons on the machine and then told me that she was about to be shocked. Wanda's body jerked slightly with the shock and then her body stilled again. The machine beeped and then shocked her again. Her heart was still not beating.

It took about five minutes before the machine notified us that her heart was beating again. I didn't realize that I was holding my breath until I released it. I wanted to cry in relief but I knew that there was still a long path ahead of us before we could say that she was fine.

Wanda's heart was beating again. That's all that mattered. 

"Well now that that's sorted out, let's stitch up her arm," Tony told me as he left the room to grab the supplies. Wanda's arms were still bleeding but they were bleeding less than earlier. 

Tony reentered the room with needles and sutures to stitch up her arm. He also had a cleaning solution to disinfect the wounds. Wanda had used a dusty, dirty light bulb to cut her arm and then the wounds were exposed to all of the bacteria in the air and on the blankets. 

We both got to work on cleaning and stitching her arms, Tony on the right and me on the left. She had cut her left arm four times and her right arm three times so it took a little bit to make sure that all of the wounds were cleaned and closed properly. 

Once we finished stitching all of the cuts, Tony and I got to work with wiping down all of the remaining blood that was still on her arms. The shock pads were still on her chest just in case but her heart had started again so hopefully it will be good. 

Now it was time to clean the bed.

Tony gently lifted Wanda out of bed and he brought her over to the couch while I made sure that all of the tubes and wires that Wanda was attached to came with her and didn't pull. Tony set her down on the couch and I stayed with her while he went to go clean up the bed. Wanda was still unconscious but I didn't want to leave her. I had come so close to losing her, I never wanted to let her out of my sight again. 

While Tony was cleaning the bed I asked, "Tones? Why isn't FRIDAY working?" 

"Oh, um, I was going to do some updating to her programming and in order to do that I had to basically shut her down for a little while. I'm really sorry! I should have told you," he told me somberly. 

"It's okay, all that matters is that she's safe now," I said quietly. 

"You know what this means though?" Tony started hesitantly as he stripped the bed. 

I sighed. "Yeah, I know." We were going to have to put Wanda back in the restraints until we could be sure that she wasn't going to hurt herself again. 

Tony finished stripping the bed and I felt sick seeing that the blood had seeped through all the way to the mattress. "Well, I'll go grab a new mattress and some blood," Tony mumbled as he left the room. We had tested Wanda's blood earlier to figure out what type of blood we could give her in case she was ever injured in the field. We didn't know if her powers were going to affect anything in her blood so we had run a ton of tests to see if regular blood would work or if we needed to alter the cells in regular blood to make it work for her. We came to the conclusion that regular blood should work just fine.

Tony came back with a bag of blood. Happy entered the room behind him, pushing a mattress. Tony walked over and attached the blood to Wanda's IV and then went over to help Happy put the mattress on the bed. 

Happy quickly left with the bloody mattress as Tony finished making the bed. He came back over and we repeated the process to get Wanda back to the bed that we did to get her to the couch. 

"Do you want me to go grab them?" Tony asked. 

I sighed but nodded. The restraints were fastened loosely on Wanda's gauze covered wrists. "FRIDAY should be up and running by tomorrow morning. If you need anything before then, call me," Tony said as he left the room. It was around 2 in the morning at this point and I was exhausted but there was no way I was leaving Wanda alone. 

I dragged a chair over to the edge of her bed and I grabbed her hand. "Please be okay Wanda," I whispered, hoping that she was going to recover from this, not just physically but mentally. I know what it feels like to be in this dark of a place. I never wanted Wanda to get there. 

WANDA POV:

The first thing I felt was pain. 

I was in a dark haze and I could feel waves of energy coursing through my body. 'Was that my powers?' I thought. It felt different in a way. I thought that I could hear voices but the harder I tried to hear them, the harder it was for me to understand them. 'What is going on?' I thought.

My chest hurt, my head hurt, my arms hurt, my legs hurt, basically my entire body hurt. 'Where am I?' This was some dark foggy air, I think I was floating. I was extremely confused and then I felt one more surge of energy and my mind slipped away from me. 

The next thing I remembered was feeling like I was being lifted. I smelt oil for some reason. 'Was I in a car? No, that's not right.' I felt my body being placed on a soft object. 'A bed? A chair? No it was flat. A couch?' This time, I smelt something flowery. 'I know that smell! Where have I smelt that before?' It was right there, I just couldn't remember. Thinking was getting too exhausted and I let my mind slip away once more. 

Now I was a little more aware of my surroundings. I could hear a constant beeping this time and it felt like something warm was wrapped around my left hand. That flowery scent was still there. 'Wasn't it perfume? Yeah! I think that's right! Who does it belong to though?' It sounded like someone was talking but it was quiet, almost like they were whispering. 

My entire body felt heavy but I wanted to move it. I tried to open my eyes first. It didn't work. It felt like they were glued shut. Since my eyes wouldn't open, I moved down towards my arms. I tried to move my arm but it felt like they were tied to bricks. Legs were next. I tried to bend my knees but my legs were heavy too. I was getting frustrated. I tried to bend my leg again and I felt it shift. 

My body was becoming a little bit lighter and I tried to move my arms again. I was able to pick up my arm but it felt like it was being pushed down. I didn't have the energy to fight it so I let my arm drop back down to the bed. 

"Wanda, are you awake?" A female voice broke through my thoughts. 'Wanda? That was my name!' The voice sounded familiar but like the smell, I couldn't place it. 

"C'mon honey! You can do it! Can you open your eyes for me?" There was that voice again. 'If I was able to move my arm and leg, then I'll probably be able to open my eyes,' I thought as I tried to pry my eyes open. It took a lot of energy but I was able to peel them open. They shut again at the bright light in the room but they were much easier to open when I tried again. 

My eyes rolled around the room and I saw someone sitting next to the bed. "Hi sweetie," she said gently as she brushed through my hair with her fingers. "How are you feeling?" 

'I didn't know what to say to that. Who was she? She looked familiar but I couldn't quite remember. How are you feeling? Is something wrong with me? Where am I?' 

"I'm okay," I croaked out. 

"Good! Can I get you anything?" the woman asked again. 

'Who was she? She looked so familiar! It was driving me insane! I think it started with an 'N.' Nelly, Nar-, Nancy, Natalie, Nat-, Nat-, Nata-, Nat-, Natasha! I remembered! Wait, if that was Natasha, where am I and what am I doing here?' I looked down and my eyes widened. 

Millions of memories were flooding back. Pietro dying, the funeral, Clint leaving, Natasha dragging me out of bed, passing out at the mall, being in the hospital, getting a feeding tube, restraints, Pepper, crying in Natasha's arms, the light bulb, Natasha sleeping, the burn and sting of my wrists, the darkness. 

"No," I whimpered. "No, no, no!" I started trying to pull against the restraints but it burned my arm. 

"Calm down Wanda! You're okay!" Nat said as she tried to grab my arm to prevent me from hurting them.

"No! Please no!" I wanted to die. I didn't want to be here anymore! I was supposed to be with my brother and family. I burst into tears as I struggled against the restraints.

"Wanda," Natasha said gently as she tried to calm me down. 

"Why did you save me?" I asked her while sobbing. "You were supposed to let me die!" I saw Natasha's face change and she looked really sad. 'This wasn't supposed to happen!' I frantically thought. 'I was supposed to leave and let Natasha get back to her life.' 

"I don't want to be here!" I sobbed. 

"Oh Wanda, shh, it's okay," Nat said as she brushed the hair off of my forehead. "It's going to be okay." 

I shook my head. "No it's not! It's never going to be okay! I want my mom and dad! I want Pietro!" I felt broken. My plan was supposed to work but it didn't. 

I was hyperventilating and I faintly heard as Tasha told FRIDAY to get Tony. I didn't want to get sedated or restrained which were the things that happened when Tony came in. I was already restrained so there was only one option left and I didn't want that. 

"No Tony!" I cried to Natasha. "Please!" 

"Honey, he's coming to help you."

"No sedation!" I could barely breathe at this point. 

"No sedation, I promise," Natasha said and I trusted her. I grabbed onto her hand and looked at her, trying to calm down. 

"Nat, can you take the restraints off, please?" I choked out. 

"I would love to Wanda but we need to wait a little bit. Tony and I can take them off when we're sure that you aren't going to harm yourself but until then, they need to stay on." I cried harder. "It's not to punish you Wanda. We want to keep you safe." 

"But I wanna die!" Natasha froze at those words but only for a second. Being careful of all of the tubes and the restraints, Nat climbed on the bed next to me and turned my head to her shoulder. I tried to pull away at first but I was too upset to continue moving so I pushed my face into her shoulder and sobbed. I couldn't move my arms much so my back was twisted in a weird way so that I could get close to Natasha. 

I barely heard the door open over my cries but when I went to turn my head, Natasha put a hand on the back of my head, gently holding me in place. I could easily move out if I wanted to but I figured it was probably just Tony. My suspicions were confirmed when I heard him talking to Nat gently. 

"Hey Wanda," Natasha said gently. "Tony and I have a medication that you can take if you want to. I promise it's not a sedative, it will just help you relax a little bit and calm down. You don't have to take it, only if you want to." I couldn't stand to hurt this much anymore. 

"Okay," I whispered to Nat. 

"Okay, good girl," Nat said as she handed me the pill. Somehow, I was able to swallow it through my crying. Natasha telling me "good girl" made me feel like a dog but I also felt excited for the praise. 

Within about half an hour of taking the pill, I had stopped crying and felt much calmer. My chest, arms and head still hurt but my head was clearer and less full of thoughts. I didn't feel happy but I also didn't feel depressed. I just kind of felt blank. 

I had curled into Natasha and she was stroking my hair as we watched TV. My body was relaxed from taking the pill and I was feeling tired. I didn't know why I was so tired but I closed my eyes and I was out in minutes. 

CLINT POV:

I was eating breakfast with Laura and the kids when my phone rang. 

"Hello?" I answered it. 

"Clint?" I heard the voice breath out on the other end. 

"Nat, are you okay?" It sounded like she was crying. 

"No," her voice broke at the end. "Wanda tried to commit suicide! I don't know how to help her!" I could hear Nat taking several short gasps which meant that she was crying.

"Okay, hey, it's okay. Calm down Nat. What happened?" I left the room so that the kids didn't overhear anything. 

"I fell asleep because I hadn't slept in days and I woke up to the sound of glass falling on the floor. FRIDAY wasn't working so I had to get up to turn on the lights. I saw Wanda lying in a bed that was coated in blood! She cut her wrists seven times. Seven times Clint!" I heard a sob escape her. "I knew she was like me but I hoped she wouldn't be this much like me! I had to call Tony a few times before he finally picked up and I realized that her heart wasn't beating. I had to do CPR on her," another sob. "The machine shocked her so many times and after five minutes, her heart started again. I thought it was never going to start again Clint," she finished quietly. 

"Okay, where is she now?" 

"She's sleeping in the med-bay. We restrained her again which she hates but she needs it."

"She does, at least for a little while until she gets better," I agreed with her. 

"It was terrible when she woke up. She was begging me to just let her die and she was saying how she just wanted her family. I finally hugged her and let her just calm down. Tony gave her a strong anti-anxiety medication which helped her to relax. She finally fell asleep which is to be expected. Her body needs a lot of rest after being shocked so many times."

"I'm sorry Nat, that must have been hard. Hey, at least she's okay now. Do you two want to come over here? Or I could come back?" I offered. 

"It was hard. I don't know, I don't want to move her but I think she needs you. I'm obviously not helping her much," Nat had stopped crying but she was still shaky and sounded upset. 

"You are doing so good with her Nat! Much better than I could do. I think you both should come over here if you want to. I can arrange to have you both over here by the end of this week."

"I don't want her to scare the kids. Her wrists are all wrapped up and she is really not doing well. She may have a breakdown and the kids may be scared." 

"The kids will be okay. I'll try to explain it before you get here. It may do Wanda good to be with a family. We'll make sure that you two have a room away from the kids in case anything happens. Does that sound good?" I asked gently.

"Yeah, that sounds great," Nat sighed. 

"Okay, when do you want to head out here?"

"Maybe give us two days. Give Wanda a few days to rest and then we can work on packing."

"Okay, I'll arrange with Steve to have the Quinjet bring you guys over on Thursday morning then, does that work?" 

"Yes, thank you Clint."

"No problem, see you then."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye," I said as we hung up.

I went back into the kitchen. "Laura, we're going to have some visitors!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone enjoyed this chapter!!
> 
> So Natasha and Wanda are going to the Barton Farm! We'll see how that goes!! 
> 
> As always, comments and feedback are greatly appreciated! If there is anything you want to see happen or anything you want to be changed, let me know!! 
> 
> Hope you all have a great rest of your week!


	7. Am I Getting Better?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha and Wanda get ready to head to the Barton farm in hopes of helping Wanda. Wanda doesn't want to be alive but she trusts Natasha and for now, that's enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I hope you are all doing well!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Talk/scenes of suicide, depression, and eating disorders. Be safe! :)
> 
> This is a lighter chapter than the last two but there are still several intense moments.
> 
> This chapter is the one that will be leading up to the farm. I thought that this chapter was going to be about Wanda and Nat arriving at the farm but I needed some lead up to the farm so this is about the two days before they go. The next chapter will be about the farm. I promise!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

NATASHA POV:

I got off the phone with Clint and felt a wave of calm come over me. I was going to have help with Wanda. She liked Clint. She liked him much more than she liked me. Maybe he can help. 

I walked back into Wanda's hospital room and saw that she was still asleep. Her arms were still restrained to the side of the bed and her arms were still bandaged but she was okay. She was sleeping and that was a win. She still looked extremely skinny but the nutrients from the tube should start helping with that soon. 

I went over to the bed and lifted the blankets up to her chin, carefully so that she didn't wake up. I had no idea how she was going to take the news of leaving the compound but hopefully she would be happy that we were going to see Clint. I was still worried how she was going to act around the kids. I didn't think that she was going to hurt them but they could be a bit much and it might overwhelm Wanda. If Wanda panicked, she could scare the kids and I know that she would feel terrible if she did that. 

Wanda slept for about three hours before she woke up. I heard her moving and when I looked over, I watched as her eyes fluttered open. For a split second, her eyes looked happy and calm but they quickly changed back to the sad, scared state that Wanda was in. I felt bad that I had to restrain Wanda but there was no way that I was losing her.

"Hi sweetie," I started gently. "Did you sleep well?"

She nodded as she looked over at me. I felt relief when I saw that she looked much calmer than earlier. She still looked sad and a little scared but that was an improvement from the terrified look she had before she fell asleep. 

"What time is it?" she asked quietly. 

I looked at my watch, "It is just past eleven." She just stared at me. "Do you need anything?" 

She shook her head but looked like she wanted to say something. "Are you sure?" I asked her.

"Well I kinda have to use the bathroom." When Wanda was first put in the hospital, I would help her to the bathroom and then listen to make sure that she didn't throw up or pass out. Tony and I talked earlier about putting in a catheter so that she didn't hurt herself getting up but I told him to wait. That would take away another normal thing for Wanda and I think that there would be mental consequences for her if we did that. I didn't really want her getting up though. I was scared that she would do something while she was in the bathroom. I wanted to trust her but I also worried about her. 

"Okay, here's the deal," I watched Wanda's face fall as I started. She probably assumed that I wasn't going to let her go. "So if you want to get up and go to the bathroom, you have to promise me a few things." She nodded. "You have to promise not to take out your tube or hurt yourself while you are in the bathroom. No causing yourself to vomit either. You also have to let me help you to the bathroom and you have to tell me if you feel sick so that I can get you to the bed. Promise me."

"I promise I won't throw up or hurt myself. I also promise to tell you if I need you and to let you help me," she whispered from the bed. 

"What about your tube?"

"I promise not to take out my tube."

"Good! So I'll help you. If you break any of those promises, you will lose the privilege of going to the bathroom by yourself okay?" I warned her. She nodded. "Great!" I exclaimed as I walked over to the bed. I undid the restraints and helped her sit up. "Do you think you can stand?" I asked her. Another nod. I grabbed her hands and gently helped her stand up. "Okay good Wanda," I praised as she stood. "Now grab your IV pole," I told her since it was behind her. She pulled it out from behind her and used that to stabilize herself. 

I had one of her arms and she was gripping the IV pole with her other arm as we made the short walk to the bathroom. I unlocked the door and led her inside. "Are you good by yourself?" I asked once she was leaning against the counter. 

"Yes," she blushed as she answered me. I was hesitant but I made sure that she wasn't going to fall or pass out and then I left the room. I put my foot in the door to hold it open slightly so that I could hear her if she needed anything. 

She finished her business and I heard the water from the sink running. I opened the door and saw her washing her hands. The mirror showed me that her feeding tube was still in and I could see that her arms were still wrapped in the gauze meaning that she didn't hurt herself. 

She dried off her hands and I saw her staring at the gauze. I walked over to her and grabbed one of her arms to lead her back to her bed. We made it over without any incidents and she got back in the bed. I made sure that her feeding tube and IV were still connected to the machine and that she was comfortable with the tubes before I started restraining her again. 

Wanda pulled her left arm back as I went to grab it. "Please don't Tasha! I promise I won't do anything!" I looked up to meet her eyes and saw that they were glazed over with tears. I felt bad and wanted to let her stay unrestrained but I knew from personal experience that she was not in the correct mental spot right now and that it would be dangerous. I also knew that when you are this depressed, that you would promise just about anything to get what you want and in this situation, Wanda wanted to die. 

"I need to baby. I'm sorry," I told her as I tried to grab her arm again. 

"I promise I won't hurt myself though! I hate the restraints!" she told me as a tear made its way down her cheek. 

I felt like the biggest jerk in the world as I told her, "Wanda, I know you don't want the restraints but you need them. If you don't cooperate, I'm going to have to ask Tony to come help me and you won't like that." I was gentle but stern and she started crying. She still didn't give me her arm though. She looked at me with puppy dog eyes that made me want to cry. 

"Please Tasha, please!" she cried. 

"Honey, I've been where you are," her eyes widened. "I know that you don't want them but for right now, they're what you need. I just need you to wear them for a few more days, then we can take them off okay?" I tried to reason with her. She cried harder but she let her arm fall limp next to her body. 

I gently grabbed it and put it in the restraints. I tied it around her wrist and then moved on to her other arm. Pretty quickly, that one was restrained too and she sat in the bed crying. 

"I'm sorry Wanda," I told her quietly as I rubbed the back of her hand. "Hey, do you want to hear some exciting news?" I asked her with a small smile. 

Her crying slowed down and she looked at me. I took that as a sign to go ahead. "Clint invited us to his farm. We are leaving in a few days! We'll go see him and his family." I braced myself as I waited for her response but she didn't really react. Her crying slowed down even more but there was no change of emotion on her face. "We don't have to go if you don't want to," I told her but deep down, I really, really wanted to go. 

"I want to go," Wanda whispered. It was so quiet that I had to strain to hear it but a huge smile broke out on my face when I heard her. 

"Great! We are leaving on Thursday morning! If it gets to be too much while we are there, let me know and we can come back or go somewhere to calm down okay?"

She nodded. I quickly texted Clint letting him know that Wanda was on board with this plan. "If you feel up to it, we can go down to your room later and pack," I told Wanda. I saw a flash of excitement go over her face before it settled back into her sad expression. It was something though. I could cry from relief. 

We spent the rest of the day watching TV and I told Wanda all about the farm. She didn't seem too excited but she listened with a calm expression so that was a win! 

Wanda fell asleep pretty easily that night and I had hope that she was getting better. I also fell asleep after I made sure that FRIDAY was working again. 

WANDA POV:

For the first time in a long time, I slept well. I had no nightmares and I didn't wake up once. 

I woke up and saw that there was sunlight peeking through the blinds. I had to use the bathroom but Nat was still sleeping and I didn't want to wake her. I still wanted to die desperately but I was starting to feel a little calmer and less like my head was going to explode from all of the thoughts going through it. 

I only had to sit in bed for about five minutes before Natasha woke up. "Good morning Wanda, how'd you sleep?" 

I shrugged. I felt too sad to talk. Nat's face fell a little bit but she quickly cheered up as she got up. I noticed that she was acting extremely cheery lately, nothing like she normally is. She seemed to be covering up her actual feelings with an excited one but maybe I was just imagining it. 

"I have to pee," I whispered. 

"Okay," Nat replied. "Same rules apply as yesterday," she told me as she undid the restraints. I felt a little stronger today as I used the restroom. I didn't fight when Nat put the restraints on again because I was scared that Tony was going to hold me down or sedate me. Neither sounded appealing. 

We were leaving for the farm tomorrow morning and I was worried. Clint was going to think I was insane. I had never met his family but they were going to think I was a freak. Here comes a girl who has big, ugly scars on her arm and a bright yellow tube in my nose. I also hadn't showered for several days. I couldn't even remember that last time I took a shower. 

The morning was a blur as I just sat in bed, lost in my own thoughts of the farm. I had never been there before so I was trying to picture what it looked like based on Natasha's description. 

"Wanda?" I got snapped back to reality when Natasha's voice interrupted my thoughts. I looked over at her. "So if you feel up to it, I was thinking of going to your room to pack and then maybe you can shower before we go." I nodded. 

"Alright, I'm going to grab a wheelchair really quick, don't move!" she was stern as she left. I thought of pulling out my tube but I didn't want to upset Natasha so I just sat there as she left the room. I really didn't want to ride in a wheelchair but at least I was leaving this room!

Nat came back quickly and looked relieved to see that I hadn't done anything to myself in the 30 seconds that she was gone. "Okay, you ready for this?" I nodded. 

Nat gave me a slight smile and helped me climb out of the bed. I shifted into the wheelchair and waited for Natasha to disconnect all of my pumps. For the first time in a few days, I wasn't going to be connected to a feed bag or an IV. I still had to keep the tube in but I didn't have to carry around the formula that came with it. 

I was starting to feel a little excited about leaving but that quickly stopped when I watched Natasha take the restraints off of the bed and put them on the wheelchair. 

"What are you doing?" I asked as I pulled my arms close to me. 

Natasha looked at me sadly. "You need to stay restrained Wanda. I don't want you getting out of the chair and hurting yourself or pulling out your tube. When you take a shower I will take them off but for now, you need them." Nat sounded apologetic but I didn't care. I was mad. 

"I don't need them!" I yelled. She looked at me surprised. I hadn't yelled lately because I was too busy being sad. I was still sad but now I was angry. Why couldn't Nat let me go without restraints for an hour while we went to my room?

"Wanda, you do. Just breathe." I looked down and saw red coming out of my hands.

"No, I don't need them," I growled. 

"Wanda, calm down. You just have to wear them for a little longer."

"No." I was beyond mad. I was done with the restraints. 

"If you don't give me your arm then I will call Tony," Natasha said, starting to get mad. 

I kept my arms crossed over my chest and ignored her. "Wanda," she warned. "I'm going to call Tony and you are not going to like it. Please give me your hand," Nat held out her hand, waiting for me to give her my arm. I still didn't move my arms and Natasha sighed. 

"Last chance Wanda," she seemed almost sad as she told me this. I still didn't budge. Natasha looked at me once more and then said, "FRIDAY, get Tony up here please." She sounded pissed and it scared me a little bit. I hadn't really done anything yet to make her mad at me but it seemed like this tipped her over the edge. 

I felt bad but I really didn't want the restraints put on me. I had calmed down enough to let my powers flow back into my body. After the tube incident, I really didn't want to ever use my powers on Tony or Natasha again but if I got too scared, I couldn't really control them. I was scared that I was going to hurt her so I had tried hard to calm down. Now she was calling Tony and it was freaking me out.

I was trying to think of something to say to Natasha but before I could get anything out, Tony walked in. 

"What's up?" he asked Nat. 

"Someone will not allow me to restrain her and I need you to help me," Nat sighed. 

Tony looked at me and I looked away, keeping my arms firmly crossed over my chest. "Wanda, if you do not get restrained, then you are not allowed to leave this room," Tony started. "It's as simple as that." I scoffed at that. I was restrained even when I was in this room. "If you don't listen to us and you don't allow us to put the restraints on, then we will have no choice but to force you into them." Tony sounded like he was done with my problems. 

I felt tears spring to my eyes. I didn't want to cry but I didn't want to wear the restraints. 

"Well I guess we're forcing you into them," Tony grumbled and walked over to me. 

"No!" I yelled and tried to pull back as he went to grab my arm. That didn't stop him as he grabbed my left wrist. I yelped in pain as he grabbed where the cuts were. He loosened his hold slightly but still gripped my firmly as he tugged my arm over to the edge of the wheelchair. I was crying and squirming, pushing at his hand with my other hand, trying to get him to let me go. 

"Wanda!" Natasha snapped when I gave Tony an exceptionally hard shove. None of my efforts worked and soon my left arm was restrained to the wheelchair. 

Tony went to grab my other arm and instead of fighting, I just sat there and cried. 

I hated my life.

Tony seemed to soften as he restrained me because after he finished securing my right arm, he leaned in close to my ear and said, "I'm sorry little witch. You know we care about you. We just want you to be safe." Then he gave my shoulder a light squeeze as he backed away. 

I tried to stop my tears but they continued falling. Tony and Nat were talking quietly as I cried in the wheelchair. "Nat!" I choked out and she looked at me. 

"Yes baby?" 

"I'm sorry!" I sobbed. "I know I'm a terrible person! I just don't like the restraints!" As soon as I finished, Nat walked over to me and knelt in front of me. 

"Wanda, you are not a terrible person at all. You are a wonderful person who is going through a rough patch, that's why we have to take certain precautionary measures. It's not that we want to be mean, we just want to keep you safe until you are in a better place okay?" 

I nodded while I sniffed miserably. "Can we still go to Clint's?" I asked softly. 

"Of course! Are you ready to go pack and get ready?" she asked me gently. 

I nodded. Tony left the room as Natasha started pushing the chair out of the room. It was the first time I was let out of the hospital room in several days and it felt like a little vacation. 

We finally got down to my room and Nat pulled my suitcase out of my closet. "Is there anything specific that you want to bring?" she asked me.

"No," I mumbled. 

We spent that afternoon picking out clothes and other necessities to take to the farm. I had to stay restrained as we packed but then it was time to take a shower. 

Natasha took off the restraints after I promised that I would allow her to re-restrain me after my shower. She let me take my own shower but she sat in the bathroom to make sure that I didn't do anything to hurt myself. I had to sit on this cold metal chair in the shower while I cleaned myself so that I didn't pass out. 

By the time we finished packing and showering, it was almost time for bed. Natasha braided my hair while I sat on my bed before we went back up to the hospital room. I was enjoying my time being free from any restraints or tubes but I knew that all of that would be put back on or reconnected when I got back to the med-bay. 

"Nat?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Will I need the feeding tube and restraints when we go to Clint's house?"

"You need to have the feeding tube but I am willing to let you try to go around without the formula if you are ready to try eating again. If you show me that you can eat well, then I will take the feeding tube out but you have to eat consistently because I would hate to take the tube out and then have to put it back in." I shivered at the thought of placing the tube again. "As for the restraints, you do not have to wear them when we leave tomorrow as long as you don't try to hurt yourself or pull out your tube, okay?"

"I promise I won't!" I felt a tiny spark of excitement inside of me when I heard that I didn't need the restraints anymore.

Natasha smiled and then asked, "Are you ready to go back up?"

I sighed but nodded. "Tony changed your sheets so you should have a nice, clean bed after your shower," Nat told me. She helped me scoot over into the wheelchair and then she re-restrained me. I didn't fight or cry but I did feel upset. 

We got back to my room and I got in the clean bed. It did feel nice to be clean. Natasha hooked up all of my tubes and then we went to bed. Steve would be taking us to Clint's farm pretty early the next morning so we tried to get as much sleep as possible. 

I woke up at around 2 in the morning after a nightmare and freaked out when I was restrained. 

I heard screaming but didn't realize that the screams were coming from me until Natasha was in front of me. 

"Calm down honey! It was just a dream!" I stopped screaming and took some deep breaths to keep from crying. Surprisingly, I was able to stop the tears from falling but I didn't get much more sleep that night. 

I was glad when I heard a knock on the door and Steve walked in. "Are you guys ready to go?" 

"Yeah," Natasha said quietly. "We'll meet you out there in a few minutes." Steve nodded and left as Natasha got changed. Natasha then undid my restraints and helped me to change out of the hospital gown and into sweatpants and a T-shirt. 

"You ready for this?" Nat asked me. 

"Yes," I told her. Natasha pulled out the wheelchair. "Nat," I groaned. "I can walk!" 

"Please Wanda, just ride in the wheelchair," she seemed exhausted and I felt bad so I gave up the fight and moved into the wheelchair. There were no more restraints which made me excited. I wouldn't be tied down anymore. My IV had been taken out the night before but I still had a feeding tube. We had to pack all of the formula because my brain still couldn't handle the thought of eating food. 

We arrived at the quinjet and Natasha helped move me to one of the seats. She came and sat next to me as Steve piloted. 

I was sitting in a seat, thinking about the farm when a wave of sadness rolled over me. I don't know what caused it but I had a feeling of extreme depression. All I could think about was how I wanted to die. I thought I was doing better but apparently not. I thought of pulling my tube out but knew that I couldn't get away with that as Natasha was sitting right next to me. 

My thoughts were moving a mile a minute as I tried to think of how I could make myself die. My wrists were still healing. Maybe I could hurt them again but I didn't have anything sharp with me. 

My left arm was furthest away from Nat and she was looking at her phone so I very slowly unwrapped the gauze from around my arm. I was met with four long cuts. They were all still stitched up. I glanced at Nat to make sure that she was still not paying attention to me. She wasn't. I looked around and saw that at the bottom of each seat, there was a metal pole that stuck out. 

The metal poles were there to support the chair but it would be perfect to slice into my arm as the edges were slightly sharp. If I cut my arm, I could hide it from Natasha just long enough to bleed out, then there would be nothing she could do to save me. 

I thought once more about why I was so sad. I had been thinking about Clint and his family when I felt a pang of pain. 

Family.

That's why I was sad. I still missed my family so much and I wanted to see them. No, I _needed_ to see them. This thought was enough to make me shove my left arm on the pole. The sharp metal ripped through the stitches and blood started pouring out of me. The pain made me gasp which made Natasha look over at me. 

"Wanda!" she yelled as she saw the blood pouring down my arm. "What are you doing?" She jumped up from her seat and grabbed her sweatshirt to place on my arm. 

"No Tasha!" I yelled. I wanted to bleed out. I wanted to die. Natasha was going to prevent that from happening and I don't think I could stand it. 

"Wanda stop it!" Nat shouted as I tried to pull away my arm. She grasped it firmly and placed the sweatshirt over the cuts. "Steve! Put this thing in autopilot and get over here!" I was struggling against Natasha's hold, trying to allow the blood to pour out of my arm faster. 

Natasha had pinned my legs down with one of her legs and she was leaning against me to try to hold me down. Steve ran out and assessed the situation. 

"I need you to grab the first aid kit!" Nat shouted. I was squirming and screaming.

"No Natasha! Let me go! No! I don't want to be saved! Let me die!" I was in hysterics and Natasha still had me pinned against the chair. I continued to sob as Steve and Natasha started cleaning and stitching up my arms. This was not what I wanted. 

NATASHA POV: 

I heard a small gasp come from Wanda and I glanced over to make sure that she was okay. What I saw made me jump up. There was blood pouring down her left arm and she was shoving her arm into a sharp metal pole. 

"Wanda!" I yelled to try to get her to stop as I ripped my sweatshirt off and put it on her arm. "What are you doing?" She pulled her arm away so that I couldn't stop the bleeding. 

"No Tasha!" she yelled.

"Wanda stop it!" I yelled as I managed to grab her arm. I pressed the sweatshirt on her arm to stop the bleeding. "Steve! Put this thing in autopilot and get over here!" I yelled to Steve. Wanda was squirming around and I had to use my entire body to hold her down. 

Steve showed up and I yelled at him to go get the first aid kit. Wanda started begging me to stop and let her die as she struggled. Steve helped me to restrain her as I started cleaning her arm. 

Steve held her body and her left arm still while I stitched it up. Wanda sobbed throughout the entire thing while she continued to beg us to let her die. I had to blink back tears as I continued stitching her arm.

After I finished cleaning, stitching, and wrapping her arm, I signaled Steve to let her go and I lifted her up. She had stopped fighting by the time I finished stitching but she was still releasing heart-wrenching sobs. She wrapped her arms and legs around me as I sat down. I told Steve that he could go back to piloting the jet as I slowly rocked Wanda. I figured holding her was better than restraining her at this time. 

I rubbed her back and let her sob into my shoulder. She fell asleep on me after an hour or so but I didn't put her down, I just leaned back in my chair and let her sleep. 

We arrived at the farm after a few hours. I had texted Clint while Wanda slept, telling him what was going on so that he could prepare for our arrival. I carried the sleeping Wanda off of the jet and saw Clint and Laura on the porch. The kids weren't outside which was good. I didn't want them to see Wanda like this. Steve had asked me if I wanted him to stay but I told him he could go so I walked forward as I heard the jet take off behind me.

Clint ran up to me and took the sleeping Wanda off of me. "I'm going to take her to her room okay?" he asked me.

I nodded. Clint turned and walked to the house. Laura was behind him and she walked up to me. 

"Nat," Laura started. That one word was enough for me to break down. It had been a _long_ week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all liked the chapter!
> 
> So I've been thinking and I'm not sure but I think I'm going to make this a several fic series. Book one (this one) would be about the struggles that Wanda faced in the beginning and the depression and anxiety that she had after her brother's death. I eventually want Wanda to be a happy kid and I would write about that in another story (Book two). Thoughts?
> 
> I'm hoping to get at least one more chapter out before Christmas but we'll see! 
> 
> Thank you for everyone who is reading, liking, and commenting on this story! I really do enjoy reading all of your comments! If you have any feedback for me (good or bad) or want to see something happen, please let me know! 
> 
> Hope you all have a great rest of your week!


	8. The Farm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda and Nat arrive at the farm. Natasha now has a support team which proves super helpful and Wanda is starting to make improvements. Small ones, but improvements nonetheless!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Hope you are all doing well! Merry Christmas to all of you who celebrate!!!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Eating disordered thoughts/actions, anxiety, depression. Be safe! :)
> 
> Sorry that this chapter took me awhile to post!!! I made this chapter longer so enjoy this little Christmas gift!! Thank you for all of the awesome input that I got for whether or not you guys would like a series! It really helped me to see what you guys wanted because I want to make sure that you are enjoying this before I write a whole new story! 
> 
> Hope you all have a great day and a Happy New Year!!!

LAURA POV:

Clint told me that Nat was coming with Wanda, the young girl that he had been telling me about. I was going to forever be grateful to her and her brother as her brother saved Clint's life. From what I understood, Wanda was in a bad place, both mentally and physically. Clint had told me everything that Nat told him and I knew that they were both going to need some help when they got here.

We had spent the last two days cleaning the house and getting it ready for Wanda and Nat's arrival. Clint and I sat the kids down to talk to them about how we were going to have a guest coming but they were going to have to be careful. We didn't want to scare or overwhelm Wanda so we tried our best to explain to the kids some of the things that she had gone through, while not going into extreme detail. 

Cooper seemed to understand at least a little bit but we were still worried about Lila. She liked to run around and was always a bubbly child, even around new people. If her encounter with Wanda is going to be anything like her encounters with other new people, she is going to be shy for the first few hours and then she is going to be climbing all over Wanda, asking her to play with her and dragging her all over the house. Wanda didn't sound like she was in the right place for that to be happening. Hopefully having Nat there would distract her from Wanda but it was unlikely.

Before I knew it, the quinjet was landing in our yard. We had brought Lila and Cooper to our neighbors house to play with their kids for the day after we got the text from Nat telling us what had happened on the way over. We didn't want them to overwhelm Wanda or get scared themselves. They would be back by dinner time assuming everything goes well with Wanda and Nat's arrival. 

I saw the ramp come down on the quinjet and Nat walked out carrying what looked to be a sleeping Wanda. Steve and her had had a small conversation before Nat approached us any further. Clint and I were silent as Nat slowly walked closer to us. The quinjet started to take off as Clint jogged over and took Wanda. I followed him to help if needed.

Clint took off towards the house and I looked at Natasha. She looked broken. "Nat," I started gently. She looked at me and her face crumpled as she started crying. "Oh hon," I said as I took a step closer and pulled her into a hug. I could count on one hand the number of times Nat had cried.

No one was around as I held her close while she cried. "What am I doing wrong Laura?" she asked me quietly as she pulled away slightly. 

"Nat, you are doing nothing wrong. In fact, you are doing an _amazing_ job," I told her. 

"But Wanda isn't getting better! She just keeps getting worse! Right as I think that we have made an improvement, she takes a step back! It's like we are going one step forward and two steps back!" 

"She'll get there eventually. You did. She will too, it just may take her a little bit of time. You are doing amazing with her and now Clint and I are here to help too." Nat seemed to calm down as I told her this and soon, the only indication that she had been crying was the slightly red eyes. 

"Thanks Laura," she told me with a small smile.

"No problem, now let's go inside." I gently placed a hand on her back as I led her in the house.

NATASHA POV:

Laura had this thing about her that made it so that I felt instantly calmer when I saw her. I can't believe that I broke down in front of her but I managed to pull myself together pretty quickly so that was good. 

She told me the things that I needed to hear but I was glad when she brought me in the house. I didn't want to be away from Wanda for too long. Laura led me to the room that Wanda and I would be sleeping in. 

"Where are the kids?" I asked. 

"Lila and Cooper are over at a neighbors house and Nate is sleeping," Laura replied. "We'll have the kids come over once you are settled but we didn't want them to get in the way. They are super excited to see you though." 

I knew that "get in the way" meant "get scared by Wanda" but I didn't say anything as I sat next to the still sleeping Wanda. "We're going to need to restrain her again but she's going to hate it," I told Laura and Clint. I had brought the restraints just in case but I really didn't think that I was going to need to use them. I thought she was getting a little better but I guess not. I had to tell myself that that was okay as I pulled the restraints out of my suitcase. 

The bed that Wanda was in had a metal frame so I connected the restraints to the top of the bed. I then pulled Wanda's arms into the restraints. I had to push past the flashbacks of being in the same position when I slept in the Red Room as I finished restraining Wanda. I hated keeping her like this as both of her arms were held above her head and she wasn't going to be able to move much but I needed to keep her safe. 

"You are doing great Nat," Clint told me quietly after Laura left to go get the crying Nate. 

"Oh yeah," I replied. "I'm doing great with the kid that has tried to kill herself twice and who has to be constantly monitored."

"Don't do that," he told me. "You are doing as good as you can. You are taking care of her and being there when she needs someone. You have prevented her from succeeding in killing herself both times which is amazing in of itself."

I looked at Clint but didn't argue against anything he said. I knew that it wouldn't work as he would just find some reason as to why I was doing a good job, even though I wasn't. What kind of person lets a kid suffer like this? 

"I'm going to go make you and Wanda breakfast, do you want anything in particular?" Clint asked me.

"Um, no. Anything works for me but Wanda doesn't really eat. Remember? The tube?"

"I remembered but it's best to let her feel included and maybe she'll start eating. She doesn't have to but she may want to. You'll never know unless you give her the option." I wanted to point out that that was another reason as to why I was doing a terrible job with Wanda but Clint had left the room before I could say anything. 

I figured I would unpack while Wanda slept so I grabbed our bags and started to put all of the clothes in the dresser. Apparently I was being too loud because I heard a timid, "Nat," come from behind me.

I spun around and saw Wanda blinking blearily as she looked around the room. She hadn't realized that she couldn't move her arms yet. "Hey sweetie, we are at the farm. Do you remember what happened?" 

She nodded. "I hurt myself again, I'm sorry," she said quietly. "All of a sudden, I got really sad and I didn't know what else to do." I was surprised. Wanda had never told me this much willingly so the fact that she was calm and that she opened up slightly was good. She had tried to pull her hands down but had stopped and stayed remarkably calm. 

"Okay, are you still that sad?" I asked her gently as I sat next to her on the bed. 

"Yes," was her answer. Her eyes started to fill with tears but she didn't let any of them fall. This girl had strength. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" I pressed gently. 

"Not really." We were back to one to two word answers but at least she wasn't just shaking her head. Small improvements but improvements nonetheless. 

"Okay, Clint is making us breakfast." I sniffed the air. "I think it's pancakes," I told her with a smile. I didn't get a smile in return. "Wanda, is there anything I can do to help you?" 

"Anything?" she asked quietly as she looked at me. I knew where she was going with this.

"Some things I can't do but I will try my best to help you with whatever you need."

She looked at me and then blankly said, "I need to die. What can you do to help with that?" She then turned her head to look at the wall.

"Well," I answered, trying to keep the shake out of my voice. "I can get you a counselor who you can talk to. We can get you on an anti-depression medication. I'm always here to talk to as well if you want." Tony and I had talked about putting her on an anti-depression medication but some of them had intense side-effects. We had tried her on a mild dose after her first suicide attempt but it made her feel emotionless and we didn't want that so we held off. It may be time to try another one though. 

"I don't want a counselor," Wanda whispered. 

"Okay, you don't have to have one if you don't want one but it may help you. Let me know if you change your mind." I wasn't going to force her to talk to anyone, that wasn't going to help at all. 

Clint walked in with two plates of pancakes. "Good morning Wanda!" he said as he placed one of the plates on a tray that he set next to her on the bed. She didn't say anything but she glared at the plate. "So I made you pancakes. We have syrup, whipped cream, butter, berries, chocolate chips, basically anything you can think of if you want to put toppings on your pancakes," Clint tried. 

Wanda looked at him and then used her powers to flip the tray onto the floor even with her hands tied above her. It seemed that Wanda was more mad than sad. "Wanda!" I shouted as I rushed over to help Clint pick up the pancakes. Luckily there was nothing on them yet so they weren't sticky but it was still rude of Wanda. "Apologize!" I told her. 

"No," she said as she turned her head the other way.

'What was wrong with her?' I thought as Clint and I finished cleaning up the pancakes. 

"Well Wanda," Clint started. "If you decide that you want pancakes, just let Nat know and I'll get you some more." He was extremely calm as he left the room with the pancakes. I followed him out, leaving Wanda alone for a few seconds. She would be okay as she couldn't move and I wasn't far so she could yell if she needed me. 

"What the hell Clint? That was not okay of her and you just sit in there all calm! I know that she is having a hard time but that doesn't give her the right to treat you like crap and throw around stuff!" Clint looked at me while I yelled at him.

"Wanda is acting out because she is either tired or upset. She is basically throwing a temper tantrum, just a more mature temper tantrum. I know that she hasn't slept much recently and she is extremely upset, that is clear. She is having a rough time so I'm not going to yell at her for throwing a few pancakes on the floor. She needs to be able to trust all of us and she doesn't trust me enough yet. I left her when she was having a hard time. I need to earn that trust back and yelling at her isn't going to work." Clint's words made me feel bad for snapping at her but she needed to know that what she did was not okay, no matter how upset she is. 

Laura walked over with Nate on her hip. "What's going on?" she asked. 

"Wanda knocked the pancakes over," Clint told her simply.

" _No,_ " I said. "Wanda _threw_ the pancakes using her powers and Clint calmly told her that it was fine and walked out." 

"I didn't tell her that what she did was okay, I told her that she could ask for pancakes if she wanted them." I didn't know why I was getting so upset over this but I was. 

"Whatever," I mumbled as I left the hallway and walked back into the room, ready to tell Wanda that she needed to be respectful, no matter what was going on in her life but I stopped when I saw her. Wanda was still sitting in the bed but instead of the calm version from earlier, she had tears streaming down her face and there was a large red bubble surrounding her. "Wanda," I said gently as I slowly approached her. "Wanda honey, it's okay." 

I got close enough to her that I was about an inch from the bubble. Wanda was mumbling 'sorry' and 'kill me' over and over again so I cautiously reached through the red mist and undid the restraints. The mist didn't hurt me and soon, her arms dropped down. The mumbling stopped as her eyes shot open, the bubble stayed though. I was ready to jump on her to hold her down if she tried to hurt herself but the restraints were just not working for her. 

"Nat?" she questioned.

"Yes."

"I thought you left," she looked at me with a heartbreaking expression. 

"Why would I leave?" I asked as I scooted closer to her but not touching her yet.

"You were mad and then you left me tied to the bed." The tears continued down her face and I realized that I had never just left the room before. I had always told her that I would be right back or that I was grabbing something but this time I just left. I was also never mad when I left her alone but I had snapped at her and then stormed out of the room so it was understandable that she thought I would have left. 

"I would never leave you Wanda," I said and I watched as her powers retreated back into her hands and the room was left looking normal. Wanda slumped over once she stopped using her powers and I grabbed her and pulled her into me. "Are you okay?" I asked as I stroked her cheek. She shook her head and turned her face into my chest. "Shh, shh," I whispered as she cried. 

"Please Nat, no more restraints. I can't promise that I won't try anything but I can't stand the restraints! Please!" she sobbed brokenly and it broke my heart. There was no way I was going to put her back in the restraints, especially if she was being this honest with me.

"No more restraints," I told her and I felt her body sag with relief. "We will figure something else out if needed but no more restraints."

I let her sob for a little more than an hour until she calmed down. She stopped crying but left her head resting on my shoulder. I was sitting with my back against the head of the bed and Wanda was in my lap with her body curled into mine. I rubbed a hand up and down her back while the other one sat on the back of her head. I hummed in an effort to keep her calm. I could feel her warm breaths on my neck as she calmed down completely. 

She still didn't move but rather grabbed a fistful of my shirt. She pulled herself closer to my body and just lied there. "Are you okay baby?" I asked as I tried to look at her face. 

"I don't know," Wanda whispered. "But can we stay here for a minute?" 

"Of course," I said as I shifted her body closer to me. I was so glad that she was finally just accepting comfort for more than just a few minutes during the middle of her breakdowns. 

We ended up sitting there for another hour. We stayed silent but it wasn't the awkward silence, it was the comfortable one. 

Wanda pulled away first and she looked at me with her big eyes. "Thank you," she said. "Do you think that Clint still has some pancakes?" 

I had to stop when I heard her ask that. Was she willingly asking to eat food? Oh my gosh! She's getting better!

"I bet he does," I smiled. "Do you want me to go grab some?"

Wanda looked shy as she asked, "Can I leave the room?" I looked at her and opened my mouth to say yes when she cut me off. "Never mind! Sorry! I know that I don't deserve to leave the room. I'm sorry! Forget I asked!" she stuttered out as tears filled her eyes again. 

"Wanda, hold on a sec," I said as I held a hand up. "You can leave the room if you want, all I ask is that you let me help you." She looked at me and nodded. 

"Okay, then can we go to the kitchen?" she asked sheepishly. 

"Of course we can, let's go get some pancakes!" I exclaimed as I grabbed Wanda's arm gently to support her as we left the room. 

We got to the kitchen and Clint and Laura smiled as they saw Wanda. "Can we have some pancakes please?" I asked Clint with a smile on my face. 

"Of course!" Clint was beaming as he handed over a plate of warm pancakes. Wanda sat down and looked at the pancakes. She cut a small piece off and took a bite. She did it! Watching Wanda eat made me have hope for her. Maybe she would get better.

WANDA POV:

After I cried on Natasha for what felt like hours, I felt a random burst of confidence and energy. After Nat told me that there would be no more restraints, I felt a huge weight lift off of my chest and shoulders and I cried out all of the pain that I had felt in the past couple of weeks. 

I finished crying but I didn't want to move off of Natasha. I felt safe in her arms. Natasha asked me if I felt okay but I really didn't know. I told her that I didn't know if I was okay but then felt her pulling away so I asked, "But can we stay here for a minute?" 

I felt her still for a minute and then she said, "Of course," as she pulled me close to her. 

I didn't realize how much time had gone by until I saw the clock which showed me that it had been over an hour that I had been sitting there! I pulled away and told her thank you. I was glad that she didn't push me away and that she didn't make fun of me for my breakdowns. 

The new energy and confidence was still there so I opened my mouth and asked, "Do you think that Clint still has some pancakes?" Natasha smiled at me as she told me that she bets he does and that we could go down and get some as long as I let her help me walk. 

We went downstairs and I watched as Clint's face lit up after we asked for food. He put a plate of pancakes in front of me and I looked at them. I could feel everyone's eyes on me so I picked up my fork and knife and cut a piece. I slowly lifted it to my mouth and then I chewed it even slower. 

I immediately felt nauseous but I continued to eat the pancake because of how happy it made Natasha look. I made it through two large pancakes before I stopped. My stomach was churning and my brain was yelling at me to go throw up but I couldn't because Nat would surely notice if I left the room. 

"So Wanda," Clint's voice interrupted my thoughts. "How do you feel about meeting the munchkins?" I knew that he had two other children and I honestly wanted to meet them. I wasn't great with kids but that didn't mean that I didn't like them. 

I was still trying to hold down the vomit but I looked at him and nodded. "I would love to." I tried to smile but it felt like a grimace so I quickly went back to my neutral expression.

"Okay, so then Laura and I will go get them." When he said that, I feared that they were keeping them locked up in a shed or something because I was here but I breathed a sigh of relief when Clint continued with, "They are at our neighbors house. Our nearest neighbor is a little over a mile away but we should be back soon. They are really excited to meet you but if it gets to be too much, let us know and we'll reel them in." He laughed as him and Laura left the house, leaving Nate with Natasha. 

Once the door shut I heard Natasha's quiet voice. "Tell me if they get to be too much okay Wanda? They have a lot of energy, especially Lila. No one expects you to sit here and put up with all of their energy okay? I love them to death but they can be a lot." 

I looked at her and said, "I'll be okay." Natasha smiled at me and then turned her attention back to Nate. All of my attention turned back to my stomach. I needed to empty it and I needed to empty it soon! 

I didn't have much time to devise a plan to leave the kitchen because soon, the front door came slamming open and two children came running in. 

"Auntie Nat!" the little girl yelled as she jumped into Nat's arms. I had no idea how Nat was able to balance both the little girl and Nate at the same time, but she did. 

"I missed you Lila!" Nat said as she hugged her. I smiled seeing Nat look so happy but then I was overcome by a feeling of guilt. I had only really seen her angry or sad and it dawned on me that that was because of me. I hadn't known her until she started taking care of me and she hadn't once seemed truly happy with me like she did with Lila. 

I watched as Lila backed up and started rambling on about how she drew a picture for Nat and that she was having such a fun time at school. I could barely keep track of what she was saying because she was going so fast.

The boy had walked into the house after Lila but hadn't given Nat a hug. He was smiling but he hadn't noticed me yet. Clint and Laura walked in behind the kids. 

"Lila," Laura said gently. "How about you take a breath and then you can tell Auntie Nat all about school later?" 

"Okay!" Lila shouted as she ran into the kitchen. She stopped when she saw me on the chair. 

"Lila, Cooper," Clint said, getting the attention of the boy. "This is Wanda, the girl we told you about." Then he turned to me. "Sorry, Lila can be a bit shy when she meets new people." I just watched the two kids as they looked at me. 

"Hi Wanda," Lila said shyly as she walked up to me and stuck out her hand. I grabbed her hand and shook it. 

"Hi Lila," I said back. I shot her a small smile and she giggled. "Hi Cooper," I said, looking past Lila at Cooper. He stood there and gave me an awkward wave. I turned back to Lila. She was adorable! She had large brown eyes and long brown hair. "How old are you Lila?" I asked her as she sat down next to me. 

"I'm 6!" Lila happily exclaimed. "Why are you eating pancakes?" she asked looking at my plate with a pancake still on it. "Pancakes are a breakfast food and it's lunchtime!" she laughed. 

My mind snapped back to the food and I took a sharp intake of breath. I was going to throw up, I needed a bathroom. I got off of the chair, ignoring Lila's question, and stumbled over to find a bathroom. Clint and Laura were in the kitchen but Nat had gone to the living room to see something for Cooper so she didn't see me as I left the room. 

I found a bathroom and walked in, shutting the door and locking it. 

"Wanda?" I heard Clint's voice on the other side of the door. "What are you doing?" 

I tried to keep my voice calm as I said, "I need to pee, I drank too much water with the pancakes." I tried to laugh at the end but it sounded forced. 

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked. 

"Yup." I said, popping the 'p'. I was going to throw up but I didn't want him or Nat to find out. 

"Okay, well come back to the kitchen when you're done," Clint said hesitantly and I heard his footsteps get quieter as he left the bathroom. 

I shoved a finger down my throat and emptied my stomach. I felt something in my mouth and I looked down in horror. There was the other end of the yellow tube sticking out of my mouth. I had puked it up. I started to panic. If I had the feeding tube, there was no way I could puke anymore because my tube would come up each time! I sat against the wall with tears streaming down my face, the tube sticking out of my mouth. Maybe I could swallow it back down! Then no one would know!

I shakily stood up and walked over to the mirror. I picked up the end of the tube and shoved it back in my mouth towards the back of my throat. It made me gag but I pushed as I tried to swallow. The tube slowly made its way back down my throat and into my stomach. I felt relief knowing that Nat wouldn't know what I did as I flushed the toilet. I rinsed my mouth out quickly and washed my face to try to get rid of the tear marks and the red eyes. Luckily I had cried earlier so my puffy face wouldn't really alert anyone.

I looked at the tube in my throat once more and then I left the bathroom. Nat wasn't in the kitchen yet so I had hope that she wouldn't question why I was in the bathroom for so long. 

I sat back down at the table and stared at my plate. Both Laura and Clint had looked at me as I walked in but fortunately, neither of them said anything. 

Lila looked at me when I sat down and asked, "Where'd you go?"

"Bathroom," I told her simply. 

"Oh, how old are you?" 

"Sixteen." 

Lila then played 20 questions with me, asking me things like my favorite color, where I lived, and other things about my personality or life. 

"My turn," I said jokingly when she finished asking me any questions that came to her mind. I asked her most of the same questions that she asked me. Lila had asked me several questions about school but I hadn't known what to say. I hadn't gone to school since I was ten or so and I had no intentions of ever going back. I was an Avenger now, that was my new life. 

Lila warmed up to me quickly and wanted to show me her room. "How about we wait for a sec Lila," Clint said as Lila grabbed my hand to take me to her room. He looked at me. 

"I'm fine Clint," I told him as I stood up. I was about to go upstairs with Lila when I heard Natasha say my name behind me. "Hold on one sec Lila," I told her as I turned around and walked over to Nat. 

"Did you throw up?" she stared at me. 

"What? No," I lied, trying to look confused as to why she would ask me that. "Why do you think I threw up?"

"Don't lie to me Wanda. I can still make you go sit in your room here if I need too." 

"I didn't throw up! I'm better now!" I snapped as I tried to turn around. Nat grabbed my arm and forced me to stay looking at her. Nate was no longer on her hip so my guess was Clint got her and told her what I was doing. 

"Wanda, it's okay if you need a little bit more help. You just need to tell me if you threw up or not so that I can put you back on formula to keep you healthy. I won't be mad at you!" 

There was _no way_ that I was going to willingly tell her that I threw up. "I didn't throw up, thanks for trusting me as much as you do," I snapped sarcastically as I pulled my arm away from her. I walked back over to Lila who was waiting for me on the stairs and I followed her up to her room.

"Why did you yell at Auntie Nat?" Lila asked me sweetly as we entered her room. 

I sighed. "Auntie Nat doesn't trust me," I told her as I sat on her bed. 

"Oh, does Auntie Nat trust me?" Lila was so innocent. I looked at her and immediately wished for her to stay like this her entire life. 

"Auntie Nat trusts you. She just doesn't trust me." A tiny voice in the back of my head told me that maybe the reason she didn't trust me was because I lie to her about absolutely everything.

Lila quickly started talking and showing me everything around her room. Natasha walked in the room about halfway through the explanation of why Lila's favorite subject in school was art and sat down on the floor. I chose not to look at her while I finished listening to Lila.

"Hey Lila," Nat started. "Can I borrow Wanda for a little bit?" 

"Sure!" Lila exclaimed. "But Wanda, you have to come back when you're done because I haven't shown you my doll house yet!" 

"I will," I mumbled as I looked at Nat. I followed Nat out of Lila's room and into our room. 

"Sit," Nat said, pointing at the bed. 

I crossed my arms and stayed standing. 

"Wanda," she warned. "Sit. Now."

"No," I hissed as I glared at her. 

Natasha turned slightly so that her body was facing me completely. She had her legs slightly spread and her arms crossed over her chest which was her no-nonsense stance. 

"Wanda, I'm not going to tell you again. Sit. Down."

"What are you gonna do?" I sneered as I looked at her. 

"Well if you don't want to sit, you can go stand in the corner like a naughty child." I blushed at being called a 'naughty child.'

"I'm not doing that," I sassed. I don't know why I was so upset but I was. I didn't want to be forced to do anything anymore. 

"You can either choose to sit on the bed, or go stand in the corner. Those are your options and if you don't choose, I'll choose for you." 

I had a feeling that if Natasha chose for me, she would choose the corner and I was not liking the idea of her grabbing me and forcing me to stand in a corner. It would be humiliating so I went and sat on a chair that was next to the bed. It wasn't one of my options but Nat didn't say anything to make me move.

Natasha looked at me and did a great job of hiding her frustration as she walked over and sat on the bed. She had given up arguing with me. 

"Wanda, I know you threw up in the bathroom earlier."

"I didn't-"

"Stop!" Natasha stopped me by placing a hand up. "I _know_ that you did. I gave you a chance to come out and tell me but you didn't. If you need help, that's okay, you just need to ask and tell me. It is not okay for you to hide that kind of stuff. Throwing up is endangering your health and that is important to me. You are important to me. There will be consequences if you lie to me. This time, you will have to stay with an adult for the next few days. Either Clint, Laura, or myself has to be with you at all times. I don't want to see you anywhere without one of us. Got it?"

"That's not fair! I'm _sixteen,_ which is practically an adult! You can't take away my freedom like this!" I yelled. 

"Oh I can and I am. You will stay with an adult for three days. After that time, we will reassess. If you have to use the bathroom, one of us will stand outside and listen but we will still give you the privacy of using the bathroom by yourself."

"I'm not doing that!" I shouted.

"Yes, you are." Nat was staying calm and it was making me even more angry. "If you don't there will be more consequences. This can get much worse Wanda so I would stop arguing." 

I huffed and stormed out of the room. I slammed the door but didn't have a chance to get much further before Nat grabbed me and pulled me back in the room. 

She had a strong grip on my arms as she held me about a foot away from her face. 

"You will _not_ slam doors. This is not your house and you need to be respectful." My eyes were cast on the floor as she scolded me. I was used to Natasha being gentle with me but now that I wasn't knocking on death's door, she was starting to act much more normal around me. "If you slam a door there will be consequences. Understand?"

"Yes," I mumbled. 

"Hey, look at me," Natasha said gently. She took her hand and gently pushed my chin up until my eyes met hers. "I care about you. I really do Wanda and I just want you to be safe. If that means that I have to show you some tough love, then that's what I'll do." She pulled me into a hug and I rested my head on her shoulder. 

This was going to be a long three days. 

NATASHA POV:

Wanda seemed surprised when I scolded her for lying to me about throwing up in the bathroom. I had been walking by the bathroom on the way back to the kitchen with Nate and Cooper when I heard gagging noises coming from the bathroom. I knew that it was most likely too late for me to stop the vomiting so I went back to the living room, making it seem like I had never left, giving her a chance to come and tell me by her own decision making. Unfortunately that didn't happen. 

The punishment I gave to Wanda was making her stay with an adult for the next few days. She put up one hell of a fight over it but hopefully she would respect it and listen to me. I knew that it was a little embarrassing for her, a sixteen year old, to have to be constantly monitored but I needed to make sure that she was safe. 

After our small hug, I left to Lila's room with Wanda trailing behind me. I would go tell Clint and Laura what was happening later. Lila seemed ecstatic as Wanda and I watched as she showed us her doll house. She even got us to play with her for a few minutes. 

It was nearing one o'clock when I spoke up. "Hey Lila, Wanda and I love playing with you but we need to go for a little bit. Maybe we can play later okay?" Lila seemed a little upset but she bounced back quickly.

"Okay! Wanda, later we can play bakery!" Wanda nodded to Lila as she got up to follow me. 

Wanda didn't say anything as I led us back to our room. I turned to her and she seemed confused. "Wanda, I know you aren't going to like this but you need to take a nap." 

"What? No way! I am not a baby!" Wanda yelled. 

"Wanda calm down! I just want you to rest because you have had a busy morning. You have been in the hospital for a long time, it's going to take a while to build up your strength again. Laura and Clint are planning on having a little welcome home party tonight and I want you to enjoy it. You won't be able to have fun if you are too tired. You haven't had a good night's rest in a long time. All I'm asking for is two hours of you at least attempting to sleep. Please?" 

Wanda seemed to contemplate it before she walked over to the bed and crawled in. I could tell by her face that she was absolutely exhausted but I knew that she would never admit to it. I sat down in the chair that was next to the bed. 

"Can I help you?" Wanda asked sarcastically, turning to face me. 

"Nope, I'm good," I replied.

"Then why are you still here?" 

"You need an adult with you, remember?"

"Ugh," she groaned. "Are you going to stare at me? Because if you are, there is no way I'm going to be able to sleep. It's creepy."

I had to hide a smile as I pulled out my phone and started scrolling through some case files. "Better?" I asked.

Wanda didn't say anything but huffed as she turned around. 

Wanda was definitely exhausted because within half an hour, I could hear her deep, steady breaths, telling me that she was asleep. I carefully got up and left the room, heading downstairs to find Laura and Clint. 

I found Laura first. She was in the laundry room, folding up the last load. 

"Hey Nat! How's Wanda?" Laura asked me as I walked in.

"She's okay. She's sleeping at the moment, this morning has taken a lot out of her."

"I'm sorry! Was it the kids? I knew we should have waited!"

"No, the kids were fine, she just hasn't been out of a bed in several weeks. She stayed confined in her room and bed after her brother died until her body became too weak and then she moved up to the med-bay. Today has been the first time in a long time that she walked around."

"Oh, that makes sense," Laura replied. "Well hopefully the sleep will clear things up. How did your talk with her go?" I had told Laura about hearing Wanda vomit and she was the one who had encouraged me to go talk to her. I had been willing to wait for Wanda to come to me but Laura pointed out that that was probably never going to happen. 

"That's actually what I'm here to talk to you about. Wanda refused to have an adult conversation with me so I ended up punishing her. She needs to be with an adult at all times for the next few days, whether that be me, Clint, or you. She's embarrassed about it but I need to make sure that she doesn't put her health at risk. The only time she can be without you is if she needs to go to the bathroom. I ask that you stand outside of the door to make sure that she doesn't hurt herself or vomit. Are you okay with that?"

"Absolutely, you are doing great with her Nat. She needs someone to show her boundaries. She hasn't had someone for so long, you are finally here and it sounds like she doesn't know how to handle it. You just have to be consistent. Don't tell her something that you aren't going to follow through with. She needs to be able to trust someone. She will get better Nat, she just needs time. I did the same for you and look at you now." Laura smiled at me and I smiled back. It felt nice to be told that I was doing something right. 

"Thanks Laura," I told her. "Well I'm going to go find Clint and let him know the situation. If you need anything, I'll most likely be in our room with Wanda." I found Clint in the living room. 

"Clint?"

"What's up?"

"So Wanda and I talked about lying about her health and since she didn't want to listen to me, I ended up punishing her. She has to be with an adult at all times for the next three days and I told her that those are adults are you, Laura, and myself. She'll probably be with me most of the time but she may need to stay with you. Are you okay with that?" I asked him.

"Yeah, no problem. My guess is I just have to keep an eye on her?"

"Yeah. If she's with you and she needs to go to the bathroom, just listen out for gagging or sounds of self-harm. Other than that, just keeping an eye on her to make sure that she is taking care of herself." 

"Okay, I can do that. Where is she now?" he questioned. 

"Sleeping. She's had a long day for not getting out of bed in several weeks. She has to build her strength back up."

"She'll get there," Clint assured me. 

"I know," I sighed. "All right, I'm going back up to stay with her." As I walked up the stairs to our room, I thought that maybe Wanda would be a healthy, normal kid sometime soon. It was all I could really hope for because I didn't know how else to help her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this longer chapter!
> 
> This story will probably be ending soon but only because I want to start a new chapter of Wanda's life which I will write about in another book. I will let you guys know when we are getting close to the end but I still have a few things that I want to happen before I end it so it may be several more chapters! We'll see!
> 
> I hope you all have a Happy New Year! Hopefully 2021 will be better!!!


	9. Recovery is a Long Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda starts to make larger improvements and she begins to feel happy with the Barton's as her family. Natasha has hope for Wanda's health, both physical and mental, even though there is still a long, bumpy road ahead of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Hope you are all doing well!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Panic attack, eating disorder, depression/anxiety. Be safe! :)
> 
> I wanted to get a chapter out earlier but I've been busy with family. Sorry! This one is much shorter than the last one but it is about the size of my average chapter. I will be writing another story in this series that will be based more around regular life with Nat and Wanda but I still have some things that I am planning on writing about so there will be a few more chapters in this story. I'm not exactly sure how many more I'm going to have but my guess is around 5? Not sure so that number could change! 
> 
> Hope you all had a great Christmas and have a great New Year!

WANDA POV:

I woke up and rolled over to see Natasha sitting in a chair next to the bed. I quickly remembered all about my punishment and my somewhat happy mood soured. I did _not_ want to spend the next several days with an adult. It was embarrassing, even Lila and Cooper didn't have to stay with an adult 24/7 and they were younger than me! 

Natasha turned towards me. "Sleep well?" I grunted in response as I rolled out of bed. I was kind of upset with myself for falling asleep after I had put up a fight about taking the nap. I had planned to just lay there until Natasha realized that having me take a nap was a stupid idea but my body had betrayed me and forced me to sleep. Now I couldn't prove her wrong. 

"Well you seemed like you slept well. You must've been tired seeing as you fell asleep shortly after you lied down," Natasha continued. I just rolled my eyes as I went to walk past her. I felt a hand grab my arm which stopped me from my path to the door. 

"What?" I snapped as I turned to face Natasha. 

"First of all, you have to stay with an adult, so you are not allowed to leave without me and second of all, I need to get you hooked up to a feed so that you can get some nutrients." Natasha was calm while she talked but I could hear that there was no room for negotiation in her tone. 

"Whatever," I said as I pulled my arm out of her grasp and stalked over to the bed, sitting down so that she could hook me up to formula. 

Nat sighed as she walked to the bottom of the bed to grab the feeding supplied. She quickly mixed up a bag of formula and then gently attached it to my tube. I never once looked at her during the entire thing and instead opted to face the wall, keeping my body turned just enough so that she had access to the tube taped to my face. I was mad but I didn't want her to accidentally pull out my tube because I was choosing to be stubborn and not give her access to the tube. 

Natasha finished hooking up my feed and handed me the backpack that supplied the feeding bag and the pump and I pulled it over my shoulder. 

"Do you want to go downstairs?" Nat asked me. I didn't say anything but decided to continue to stare at the wall instead. Natasha sat down next to me on the bed and grabbed my hand. I tried to jerk away but she didn't let go so I gave up and just sat there. 

"Wanda, what's going on? I know that you are upset with the current situation but it is just to keep you safe. I bet you're tired of hearing that but it's true. Just three days. That's it. If you don't lie to me, then I can give you your privileges back but I need to be able to trust you first. I care about you and I don't want to hurt you."

"Fine, can we go now?" I asked with sass. 

Natasha sighed but replied with, "Okay, let's go." I followed her out of the room and down the stairs into the living room. 

Clint, Laura and the kids were all sitting there, watching TV. 

"Wanda!" Lila jumped up and ran to me when she saw us walk into the room. "Let's go play!" Lila grabbed my hand and started to pull me away. I started to follow her until Nat spoke up. 

"Wait Wanda. Hey Lila, how about we stay down here and watch TV?" Lila seemed to deflate a little bit but she quickly recovered and pulled me over to sit next to her on the couch, rambling on about the show that was on. I could hear Nat, Laura and Clint talking in hushed voices but I decided to ignore them and try to focus on the children's cartoon instead. 

We sat watching TV for about an hour before Laura spoke up. "Well I've got to get to the store if we want to have dinner tonight. C'mon Lila, let's go!" 

"But I wanna say with Wanda," Lila whined as Laura got up to get ready to leave. 

"Lila, now," Laura warned. 

"Ugh, fine," Lila huffed as she stomped over to Laura. Clint laughed a bit as he leaned back while bouncing Nate in his arms slightly. 

Cooper got up and left the room, leaving Clint, Nat, Nate and I in the room. Clint scooted down the couch until he was right next to me. I pretended I didn't see him and stared at the TV instead. 

"Hey," Clint spoke up. "Do you want to hold Nate?" My head snapped over to look at him. Why was he asking me to hold Nate? 

"Um, no, that's okay," I stuttered out. "I don't want to hurt him." 

"You won't. Just hold your arms like this," Clint moved my arms until they were in a cradle position. Before I could protest, Clint was handing me a baby. I was nervous but the second I looked at the calm baby in my arms, all of my nerves disappeared and were replaced with love. 

"Hi Nate," I cooed softly as I rocked him. I didn't move my arms in fear that I would drop him or hurt him but I moved my body back and forth in a rocking motion to keep Nate calm. 

"Nathaniel Pietro Barton. That's his full name," Clint told me softly and I froze. All of the air was sucked out of my lungs and I blinked back tears at hearing my brother's name. 

"What?" I choked out.

"Laura and I figured that we would name him after your brother in thanks. Nate wouldn't have a dad if it wasn't for him. We will be forever grateful and we want Nate to grow up knowing who saved his dad." I couldn't breathe and I started to panic. The vision of Pietro's dead body was all that I could think of and I shook my head to try to get rid of the image. 

I faintly heard Nat telling Clint to take Nate and then I felt my head being guided into a chest. It smelt like vanilla, not flowers like I was used to. 

"You changed your perfume," I gasped as I tried to hold back the tears. Nat didn't say anything but continued to shush me and rock me. She tried to bring me to the bedroom but the second I stood up, my legs collapsed and I fell back onto the couch so she sat down next to me and just held me. 

I couldn't get the image of Pietro's dead body out of my mind and I burst into tears. "Make him go away!" I begged Nat as I cried. "Please Nat! I don't want to see him anymore. I can't!" I pulled my hands up to try to rub my eyes to erase the image but Nat pulled my arms down and pinned them to my side as she continued to hug me. "He won't go away!"

"It's okay Wanda. Just breathe. Shh," Nat told me over and over again until I calmed down. I was glad that Cooper had left the room earlier because I would've died of embarrassment if he had just witnessed my mini breakdown.

I pulled away from Nat and was surprised to see Clint standing next to me. I thought he left the room. I turned red when I realized that he had just watched me cry into Nat's chest. He must think I'm a pathetic child now, well, if he didn't before, he definitely does now. 

"I'm sorry Wanda," Clint told me. 

"What? Why?" I asked him, confused. 

"I shouldn't have made you hold Nate. Laura and I should've asked before naming him. I'm really sorry."

"No! It's not that. Pietro would've been honored that you named Nate after him. I'm sorry, he's just a sore subject for me still. I really did like holding Nate and I would love to do it again, just not right now." Clint smiled.

"You can hold him anytime. Well I'll leave you and Nat alone for a little bit, I'll be upstairs if you need me."

The second Clint left the room, I turned to Nat. "I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay Wanda, don't worry about it."

"No not that," I cut Nat off. "For earlier. I was being a bitch and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been rude to you, I know you're just trying to keep me safe. I'm also sorry for lying. I just didn't want you to be disappointed in me. You were so happy when I was eating, I didn't want to ruin it."

"Oh honey, you haven't disappointed me. You are so strong! I wasn't overly appreciated with the lying but you just apologized for that and you are being punished so we can forget about it and move on. I'm still happy, you are making tremendous improvements, even if you aren't quite ready to eat yet." 

It was a huge relief to hear that she wasn't disappointed in me but I still felt bad. I was going to say something else but Nat beat me to it. 

"Well Laura and Lila will be home soon to start setting up for the party, let's go get ready. It's a surprise though so don't tell Clint I told you." I laughed and Natasha smiled. 

NATASHA POV:

When Wanda had woken up, she was nothing but pissed off. She wouldn't look at me and she refused to answer any of my questions. I was glad when she didn't put up a fight about the feed. I tried to talk to her but she didn't say anything helpful so I decided to give up and go downstairs with the rest of the family. 

Lila immediately jumped up when she saw Wanda and I had to give a subtle reminder to Wanda that she wasn't allowed to leave without an adult when she went to run off with Lila. 

I sat down next to Laura. 

"What's up with Wanda?" Laura asked after she picked up on Wanda's mad vibes. 

"She's pissed about her punishment. I'm just hoping that she listens so that I don't have to punish her more."

"She's a good kid, she'll listen," Clint stated. "And if not, then you can go all Nat on her."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked with a tiny laugh.

"You know what it means," Laura said as she patted my knee. 

"Okay, whatever," I laughed as I tickled Nate's stomach, eliciting a tiny giggle from him. 

Laura quickly dragged Lila out to go to the store to 'get dinner.' In reality, she was going to go get supplies for the party tonight that Wanda wasn't supposed to know about. I had already told her in an attempt to get her to take a nap. After Laura and Lila left, Cooper went somewhere upstairs, presumably to his room to play video games. 

Wanda was staring at the TV but I don't think she was actually watching the show that was on. Clint got closer to her and then started asking if she wanted to hold Nate. I could see the hesitation in her eyes as Clint maneuvered her arms into the right position to hold a baby. 

I got close so that I could take Nate if anything were to happen. Wanda looked happy while she gently and carefully rocked Nate.

All was going well until Clint mentioned his name. I watched as Wanda's expression changed from happy, to shocked, to upset. 

"Take Nate," I told Clint while I moved closer to Wanda. I pulled her close to me and rocked her while I let her process his name.

"You changed your perfume," Wanda commented in a soft voice. I was surprised she realized but I didn't say anything as I tried to keep her calm. Clint stood up from the couch and walked around me to move next to Wanda.

I stood up, bringing Wanda with me, to move to the guest room but Wanda's legs couldn't take it and she fell back down to the couch. I was going to pick her up and carry her to the room but no one but Clint was in the living room so I figured it was fine as I sat back down next to Wanda.

I felt as her shaky breaths turned into full blown sobs and I rubbed her back while I told her everything would be okay. "Make him go away!" Wanda sobbed and I looked to Clint. She begged me to make him leave and that she couldn't see him anymore. This was bad. I figured that Wanda was talking about Nate and if she couldn't handle seeing Nate, then we were going to have to leave. 

Wanda brought her arms up to her face and I quickly pinned them down in fear that she was going to pull out her tube. I didn't need that on top of everything else. 

She calmed down remarkably quickly and she pulled away from me, looking over at Clint. I inwardly panicked, holding my breath, waiting to see how she would react to seeing Nate but she just turned red and turned back to face me. 

Clint then apologized to Wanda and the conversation that followed left me feeling hopeful. Maybe Wanda didn't hate Nate. Clint left the room leaving Wanda and me alone and Wanda immediately apologized to me. 

"It's okay Wanda, don't worry about it," I told her. I didn't want her to think that she needed to apologize for her breakdowns. I was also glad that she was talking to me again instead of ignoring me like earlier. 

"No not that," Wanda started. "For earlier. I was being a bitch and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been rude to you, I know you're just trying to keep me safe. I'm also sorry for lying. I just didn't want you to be disappointed in me. You were so happy when I was eating, I didn't want to ruin it."

I felt my heart break a little bit when I heard that she was worried about disappointing me so I let her know that she hasn't disappointed me. I decided to let her language slip this time. 

Wanda seemed happy and I even got a laugh out of her after I mentioned the party being a secret! 

We both headed upstairs into the guest room to get changed into something a little nicer. Wanda headed into the bathroom to get changed and I listened closely for any issues. 

Wanda emerged from the bathroom in a pair of jeans and a nice blouse. It was just a family party so we didn't need to dress super fancy but something a little nice worked well. 

"Wanda, come here a sec," I said. Wanda turned around and headed over to me after dropping her dirty clothes into the laundry hamper. I led her into the bathroom and grabbed the first aid kit that was under the sink. "I need to clean your arms." I grabbed one of her arms and pulled it over to the counter. Steve and I had done our best to clean and stitch her arms on the jet but I needed to keep them clean to prevent infection.

I unwrapped the gauze and carefully rubbed the area around the stitches with an alcohol swab. The tissue around the wound was pale in color like the rest of Wanda's skin which meant that there was no infection starting. I then smeared a small amount of neosporin on the wounds and replaced the gauze. I repeated the action on her other arm and then followed her back into the bedroom. 

I left my clothes in the bathroom while I walked down the hall to Nate's nursery where I found Clint. Wanda was following. 

"Hey, can you watch Wanda for a second?" I asked Clint. 

"Sure," Clint replied.

"I can sit by myself for a few minutes," Wanda whined. 

"Nope, you have to be with an adult for the next several days. Hang out here and I'll be back soon," I told Wanda as I patted her shoulder and left the room. Just because Wanda and I talked didn't mean that I was going to dismiss her punishment.

I got back to our room and quickly took a shower and got dressed. I was also wearing jeans and a nice blouse, same as Wanda. 

I left the room and walked back to the nursery to see Wanda and Clint playing with Nate on the floor. They were stacking foam blocks into a tower and then gasping when Nate knocked it down, sending Nate into hysterical laughter. I laughed as I joined them on the floor. 

Instead of playing with the blocks, I braided Wanda's hair. I smiled when Wanda leaned her head into my touch. 

We stayed that way for about fifteen minutes until we heard, "We're home," come from downstairs. I heard running feet and soon Lila popped into the door frame. 

"That took forever!" Lila complained. "What did you do while I was gone?" 

"Nothing much," I replied. "We have been building towers for a long time, that's about it," I told Lila jokingly as Laura appeared. 

"I like your hair Wanda," she told Wanda with a smile and Wanda replied with a thank you. 

"Can you braid my hair?" Lila asked Wanda as she plopped herself in front of Wanda. 

"Um, I don't know ho-"

"Sure she will," I cut Wanda off. 

Wanda looked at me like I was crazy but I gently grabbed Lila's hair with my finger's as I started to braid her hair, showing Wanda the steps. We did a simple braid but Lila was ecstatic, running around, showing everyone her hair. 

"You're the best braider Wanda!" Lila said as she hugged Wanda. I winked at Wanda as she smiled at me over Lila's shoulder. 

"Hey Lila, how about you come help me downstairs," Laura hinted and Lila jumped up to go help decorate for the party. 

Wanda's feeding tube pump started beeping, signaling the end of her feed. I reached into her backpack and turned off the pump, then I disconnected the feed from her, freeing her from the backpack. 

"Thanks for watching her Clint," I said as I signaled for Wanda to follow me out of the room.

"No problem, thank you for keeping me company," he told Wanda. 

I dropped the backpack off in our room on the way to Cooper's room. I knocked. 

"Hey Coop, can I come in? It's Auntie Nat and Wanda," I told him.

"Sure!" I heard from inside. I opened the door and saw that he was playing one of his new video games. 

"Whatcha doing?" I asked him as I plopped down on the bed next to him. 

"Playing my game, duh," he said with no real heat. 

I ruffled his hair and he laughed. Wanda was standing there awkwardly in the middle of the room so I pulled her hand to bring her over to me. She sat down next to me on the bed and we watched as Cooper played his game.

Lila was sent to get us after the downstairs had been decorated. 

"Auntie Nat, Wanda, can you come downstairs?" Lila asked sweetly.

"Of course," I said and Wanda, Cooper and I followed Lila down the stairs. 

Wanda pretended to act surprised when she saw all of the decorations. 

"What's all this?" Wanda asked Lila. I thought it was sweet how much Wanda liked interacting with the kids, especially Lila. She seemed to get a little quieter ever since I left her in the nursery with Clint but she acted happy around Lila. 

"Welcome home!" Lila shouted and Clint, Laura, Cooper and I all joined in with huge smiles on our faces. 

"Welcome home kiddo," Clint said as he pulled Wanda into a hug. Wanda looked a little overwhelmed as the rest of the family hugged her so I placed my hands on her shoulders to relax her. 

"Thank you guys," Wanda breathed out as she sat down. 

"We have games and food and cake," Lila went on and on, telling Wanda all of the things that they had gotten for the party. Laura had asked me if she should get a cake and I told her yes. There was a large chance that Wanda wasn't going to eat it but I told Laura that it wouldn't be a party without cake and I wanted to give Wanda the option. 

The rest of the night was spent playing board games and watching movies. Everyone but Wanda ate a ton of junk food and we all laughed as we told kid appropriate stories of our lives. 

It was time for cake and Wanda seemed anxious. She was watching Laura get the cake out while she played with the rings on her fingers, a nervous tick that I had picked up on when I first met her. Laura started cutting pieces for everyone until she got to Wanda. "Would you like a piece?" she asked Wanda gently. 

Wanda shook her hand and started looking around the room wildly. I also noticed that her breathing had started to pick up. "I think she's good Laura, thanks though," I told her with a warm smile as I led Wanda to the living room. The rest of the family was in the kitchen, eating cake before the last movie of the night so it was just Wanda and me in the living room. 

"It's okay Wanda, you don't have to eat if you don't want to," I told her. "You still have the feeding tube in so you don't have to worry about eating." I knew that we were eventually going to have to get Wanda off of the tube but for the moment, all that mattered was that she was getting nutrients. 

I had turned my head for a split second and when I turned back around Wanda had a hand grasped around her tube. I shouldn't have mentioned the tube. "Wanda," I said. "Let go of the tube." She continued to hold it with a tight grip but she wasn't pulling it. She had tears streaming down her face and I didn't know what to do. If I grabbed her arm, she was going to pull her tube out and it was going to cause a scene to the kids who were in the next room but if I didn't do anything, she might pull out her tube or hurt herself. 

"I don't want the nutrients anymore," Wanda whimpered while she tugged on her tube gently. 

"Wanda, stop pulling on the tube," I warned calmly. The tube was still taped to her face so it was going to take more than just a light tug to pull the tube out. 

I heard footsteps behind me. 

"Nat?" Clint's voice rang out. 

"Keep the kids out of the living room," I told him while still watching Wanda. I heard him leave the room again, most likely going to go keep the kids in the kitchen. I figured that if she started to pull the tube, I would grab her hand to make it so that she couldn't move the tube any further but I wanted to show her that I trusted her to not pull out her tube so I didn't want to grab her until absolutely necessary. 

"Wanda, if you pull the tube out, it's just going to have to go back in," I told her. "Remember how much you didn't like the experience of the placement? Don't pull out your tube. It's okay. Just take your hand off of the tube and talk to me, it's okay." 

"But if I pull this out, I would stop getting the nutrients which would kill me." 

"No because we would put the tube back in long before your body gave up," I informed her. Wanda seemed to contemplate something before her hand relaxed and she released the tube. I moved forward and grabbed her hand so that she couldn't grab her tube again. 

"I'm sorry," she told me, wiping her tears. 

"I'm so proud of you Wanda," I told her. "You didn't pull it out! That's awesome!" She smiled at me as she gave me a hug. I was surprised but I quickly returned the hug. "All right, let's go to bed."

"What about the movie?" Wanda asked. We were all supposed to watch one more movie after cake but I didn't think that Wanda was going to feel up to it after what just happened. 

"We can stay if you want. Are you up for watching it?" I asked her. 

"I wanna watch it," she said. 

"Okay, then let's watch it." I walked to the kitchen with Wanda to let them know that we were ready to watch the movie. 

The family filed into the living room and we all got situated on the couch. Wanda sat right next to me on one side and Clint was on my other side. 

Nate was already in bed by the time we started the movie. We got about halfway through before Lila was asleep on Laura.

We were just past halfway when I felt a weight on my shoulder and I looked down to see Wanda fast asleep on my shoulder. I wrapped my arm around her and continued watching the movie with my family. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this chapter!
> 
> Wanda is starting to make bigger improvements but she's not completely there yet! With all illnesses or traumatic events, there are ups and downs so expect that in the following chapters! :) 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who is still reading, liking, and commenting on my story! My chapters will probably be coming out about one a week but I'll attempt to get more out if I have some free time. I'm going to try to be consistent! As always, if there is something that you would like me to include in my story or something that you want to change, let me know! I'm open to suggestions :)
> 
> Have a great rest of your week!


	10. Almost There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda is continuing to recover, finally starting to feel like herself and getting used to life without her brother. She is not 100% there yet but she's getting closer and closer every day!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I hope you have all had a wonderful New Years and a great day!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Eating disorder, anxiety, depression. Be safe! :)
> 
> If everyone could do me a favor and read the end notes, it would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy the chapter!

WANDA POV:

The last thing I remembered was watching _Toy Story_ with the Barton family. I was extremely tired but I didn't want to admit to it in fear that Nat was going to make me go to bed instead of staying with the family. I didn't understand why I was so tired, I had taken a nap earlier! 

I was having an internal battle with my eyelids as they continued to try to close without my permission. I felt my body get heavier and heavier until I could no longer hold myself. I slumped against Natasha and I tried to pull myself up but I didn't have a chance as I quickly fell asleep. 

I felt myself being lifted up and I slowly started to wake up but I quickly slipped back into the pull of sleep when the person carrying me shushed me and pressed my head against their shoulder. 

o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o

I shot up in bed after a nightmare and turned to see Natasha asleep beside me. I had tears streaming down my face and when I went to wipe them away, I froze and lowered my hand. There was no bump on my face where the feeding tube was supposed to be. In a panic, I looked around and saw my yellow tube lying in the bed. I must've accidentally pulled it out in my sleep! 

I picked it up and frantically tried to figure out what to do. If I woke Natasha up, she would think that I pulled it out and then she would put me back in restraints. She had said that she would never use the restraints again but she probably just said that to keep me calm at the time. She would also have to put it back in and that was going to hurt. I wasn't ready for it to be placed again!

The logical part of my brain calmed me down a little bit and let me think for a second. Technically, I was at a somewhat healthy weight now from all of the nutrients that I had got from the tube. I was no longer deathly underweight. I wasn't perfect, there was still a long way to that, but I was at a stable enough weight that I probably wouldn't need the tube right away. 

I must've been crying louder than I thought because Natasha started moving, waking up. I was back to panicking as I flopped myself face-down on the bed as I shoved the tube under my pillow. I turned my face away from her, hoping that she wouldn't notice the tube. There was no way that I would be able to hide the tube in the morning but if she didn't notice at night, then I at least had more of a chance to figure out a plan. 

"Wanda, are you okay?" I heard Nat approach gently as I was still crying. 

"Yes," I told her quickly. I felt her hand on my back and I tensed. I couldn't stop the tears from coming down, no longer from the nightmare but from the panic of the tube situation. All I could think of was the pain that the tube had caused me going in and I shook harder. Natasha noticed. 

"What's wrong?" she asked as she tried to turn me to face her but I kept my head firmly turned to the side, hiding the cheek that no longer had a tube. 

"Nothing." After the word left my mouth, I wanted to slap myself. Obviously there was _something_ wrong with me. If I had said nightmare then Natasha wouldn't have any reason to believe that I was lying and she most likely would have let me sleep but now that I said nothing, she was going to try to figure it out. 

"You can talk to me, it'll help. Was it a nightmare?" I was surprised. She usually didn't flat-out ask me if I had had a nightmare. I think she always knew but she always gave me a chance to come to her myself. 

I nodded my head, trying to fix my previous mistake. It didn't work. 

Natasha was stronger than me and before I could stop her, she had flipped me over to face her. Her eyes widened slightly and she let go of my shoulder. I was still crying and shaking, waiting for her reaction.

"Wanda," she grit out. "Why is there no tube in your nose?" She was glaring at me now and I cried harder. I knew that she would think that I pulled it out on purpose but it hadn't prepared me for the look of anger and disappointment on her face. 

"I didn't do it! I swear!" I cried. 

"Well I didn't do it so tell me Wanda, who did?" She was staying calm but she was almost scarier that way. 

"It was an accident! I woke up and it was out, I don't know what happened." I could barely talk throughout my tears. 

"Where is the tube?" I pulled the tube out from under the pillow and showed it to her. She grabbed it from me and looked at the end. The tape was scrunched around the tube from where it got ripped off of my face. 

"I promise I didn't do it on purpose Nat!" Nat seemed to believe me as she softened and pushed the hair out of my face. 

"It's okay. Shh, deep breaths," she told me quietly. I tried my best to take slow, calming breaths, and soon, I had calmed down substantially. 

"Are you gonna put it back in?" I asked as I peeked at her from behind my wet eyelashes. She sighed and I almost started crying again, waiting for her to tell me that they had to, that it was for my safety. 

"Not yet. I want to give you a chance to eat. I know that you have had a hard time but it's either that or the tube. I don't expect you to be perfect but you need to communicate with me and we can keep the tube out. You are at a healthy enough weight that I think we are okay but if you drop a lot, we are going to have to put the tube back in. Let's take it one step at a time though, okay?"

"Okay," I breathed out in relief. "Thank you so much Tasha!" 

"Let's quickly clean off your face and then you can go back to sleep." I had no intentions of going back to sleep but she didn't need to know that. I followed her out of bed and into the bathroom where she took an alcohol swab and gently wiped off my cheek where the tape had been. It stung a bit so I hissed and pulled back but Natasha gently grabbed the back of my head and held it in place, giving me enough space to move if it became unbearable. 

"Let's get you to bed, it's late," she told me as she grabbed my hand to bring me back to the bed. I stole a quick look at myself in the mirror and was surprised at how much better I looked from a few weeks ago when I looked like a ghost. I was quickly pulled away and gently led to the bed where I climbed in. Nat pulled the blankets up to my chin and then walked around the bed and climbed in next to me. 

"Are you actually going to go back to sleep?" Nat asked me with a knowing look. 

I contemplated lying but I knew that she would see right through and I didn't want to get another punishment so I shook my head hesitantly. "I'm really scared that I'm going to have another nightmare," I told her honestly. 

"Do you want to talk about your nightmares? It always helped me when I had nightmares."

"You have nightmares? But you're such a bad-ass," I told her. 

She laughed lightly. "Language, and yes. All of the Avengers have nightmares, we have lived hard lives that like to haunt us in our sleep. I suffered for a long time before Laura forced me to open up and talk to her."

"Laura? Like Clint't Laura?" I asked incredulously. I hadn't known that Nat had known Laura for a long time. 

"Yes, Clint's Laura. I've known them ever since I was brought into S.H.I.E.L.D. Now stop avoiding the question," she told me with a smirk. "It really does help to talk about it. If you talk about it, the nightmares can sometimes seem less scary."

"Do they go away?" I asked.

"Honestly, no. They never completely go away but they do get easier to handle. Sometimes I still get really bad ones but other than that, I've gotten pretty good at handling them." I was surprised that Natasha was telling me this much about her. Usually she was always trying to get me to talk but she never talked about herself. I realized that I didn't really know anything about her other than she was a part of the Avengers and that she was scary. 

"I don't really want to talk about it," I told her sheepishly. I was scared that she was going to force me to talk like she said that Laura did to her but she just shrugged. 

"Okay, if you don't want to talk then are you ready to go to sleep?" 

"Are those my only two options?" I asked miserably, not ready to do either. 

"No. We can watch a movie until you are calm enough to sleep," she told me gently. 

"Can we do that?"

"Of course." Natasha grabbed the TV remote from the bedside table and I scooted closer to her as she turned on the TV. I was much calmer than earlier but I was still shaking the slightest bit. Nat must've been able to feel me shaking because she pulled me closer until I was leaning against her chest as she ran her fingers through my hair. 

We stayed that way until it was time to get up, neither of us getting any more sleep that night. 

NATASHA POV:

Wanda and I had been awake since about 1 in the morning but she didn't want to go back to sleep and there was no way that I was going to let her stay awake by herself. I had woken up when a hard kick was planted into my side. I was about to turn to wake Wanda up when I heard her shoot up next to me. I feigned sleep as I laid next to her and I heard her start crying. 

Her breaths made it sound like she started panicking but I wanted to let her wake me up so that she was in control of the situation. Her breaths were getting a little frantic for my liking so I started to move, giving her a chance to be prepared for me. 

As I turned around, I saw Wanda quickly lie down with her face turned away from me. I tried to talk to her as I rubbed her back but she seemed to just want to pretend that nothing happened and go back to being by herself so I turned her body to face me. What I saw surprised me.

Her tube was no longer taped to her face. I immediately thought that she had pulled it out in a panic so I started questioning her but she swore that it was an accident. I could tell that she wasn't lying so I pushed the hair out of her face to try to show her that I wasn't mad. I felt bad that I had assumed that she did it on purpose but to my defense, it's not like she hadn't done it before. 

She seemed terrified that I was going to put it back in so I made a deal with her. I really wanted to put it back in just to keep her at a healthy weight but I didn't want to cause her pain so I told her that if she communicated with me that I wouldn't put the tube back in. She was at a stable weight so I was comfortable with keeping it out for a little bit. Hopefully she would start eating otherwise the tube was going to have to go back in.

I helped her out of the bed to clean off her face where the tape was to get any of the residue off. It stung her a little bit so I gently held her head to help her to hold still. I could feel her shaky hands as I grabbed one to lead her back to the bed but she carefully got in bed. 

I knew that there was little to no chance that she was going to attempt to go back to sleep so I tried to get her to talk about it but she refused. She was stubborn but so was I when I was her age. 

I didn't realize how frustrating it must have been for Laura and Clint when I was younger but now that I have Wanda, I know exactly how they felt. Wanda looked very miserable when I told her that if she didn't want to talk, then it was time for bed so I relented and let her watch TV until she got tired. 

Her face longed for physical touch after I turned on the TV so I pulled her closer to me and let her rest on the side of my chest. I thought that she would fall asleep within an hour but she managed to stay awake until 6:30 when we got up. 

I had heard Nate crying a few minutes ago and then stop so I knew that either Clint or Laura was already awake. 

"You ready to get up?" I asked Wanda who was still leaning on me. She sat up and stretched but didn't say anything as she climbed out of bed. She was still in her pajamas as we left the room and headed downstairs quietly. 

Laura was standing in the kitchen, holding a sleeping Nate. She looked pretty sleepy herself and I was going to offer to take Nate but Wanda beat me to it. 

"Laura, do you want me to take Nate?" Wanda asked as soon as she saw how tired Laura looked. Laura shot a look at me and I nodded slightly. 

"Sure," she walked over and Wanda held her arms out in the cradle position like how Clint had taught her yesterday. Laura passed the calm baby into her arms, handed her the bottle and then silently climbed the stairs into her room. 

Wanda looked at the baby and very calmly walked over to one of the kitchen stools to sit down and feed him. 

"Let me know if you want me to take him," I told Wanda.

"I'm good," she assured me. 

"I know," I told her with a smile. I kept an eye on her as I made coffee but she was doing good and showed no signs of panic holding him. She had a small smile on her face as Nate suckled on the bottle.

I poured her a small cup of coffee and placed it in front of her. She glanced up at it and the smile disappeared. She quickly dismissed the cup and looked back down at Nate which made her smile come back. 

"Do the kids go to school?" It was currently Friday morning. I couldn't believe that it had only been a day since we arrived at the farm and Wanda had already made incredible improvements. 

"They do but they are off for this week due to some kind of teacher training. They will go back on Monday."

"Oh, what day is it?" Wanda asked, confused. 

"It's early Friday morning," I told her. She nodded as she turned her attention back to the baby who had fallen asleep. 

"I can take him back to his room," I offered quietly. 

"If it's okay, can I keep him for a few more minutes?"

"Of course," I told her warmly as I sipped on my coffee. 

We sat there quietly for about five minutes before Wanda said, "You can take him now." I set my coffee down and took Nate out of her arms. 

"Let's go," I told her. 

"Why?"

"You're still being punished, remember?" She groaned but got up to follow me so that she was with an adult as we put Nate back in his crib. 

We got back to the kitchen and I asked Wanda, "What do you want for breakfast?" Her head snapped up to look at me. "Wanda, you need to eat now that you no longer have a tube. Before I let it slip because there was another way to get nutrients into you but now the only way is for you to eat. I can always put the tube back in bu-"

"No!" she cut me off. I raised an eyebrow at her. "Sorry. No, I can eat, I don't need the tube." 

"Alright, what would you like for breakfast? I can make pancakes, waffles, eggs, toast, bacon, cereal, oatmeal, really whatever you want." I told her, listing off all of the breakfast items I could think of. I looked over at Wanda and she seemed overwhelmed. 

"How about we start with something simple. Do you like eggs?" She looked at me and nodded. "Alright, are you okay if I make you that?" Another nod. "How do you like your eggs cooked?" 

She shrugged. So apparently we were back to no words. 

"How about scrambled? Do you like those?" Another shrug. I sighed but didn't ask anymore questions as I grabbed a pan and some eggs to start cooking them. 

I finished quickly and when I turned around again, Wanda looked pale. My confidence for her was slowly waning and I was starting to get worried that I was going to have to place the tube again. If I needed to place the tube, I was going to have to have Clint hold her down so that she couldn't fight me or use her powers because I wasn't going to use the restraints again. Hopefully it wouldn't come to that though.

I put some ketchup on the plate with the eggs and I gave her the salt and pepper shakers to add as needed. 

"Eat up," I said as I placed everything in front of her. I grabbed my coffee and sat down next to her, pulling out my phone but watching her carefully. 

She sat at the bar, staring at the plate, not touching a single thing. "Wanda," I warned gently after about 10 minutes. The eggs were now lukewarm. 

She looked at me and I could see the tears that were pooling in her eyes. "We can put the tube back in if you need it." One tear slipped out and made its way down her face. I lifted my hand and wiped the tear away with my thumb and cupped her cheek. 

"Wanda, it's okay. If you need the tube, you need the tube. Why don't you want to eat?" I asked cautiously, waiting for her to either burst into tears or get mad. 

"I don't want it," she told me quietly. 

"What don't you want?"

"The food."

"Is there a certain reason you don't want the food?" 

"Nutrients." I was getting bits and pieces here and there but I wasn't completely sure what she wanted. I know that she didn't want to eat but I wasn't completely sure the reason. Did she want to lose weight or was it more the fact that she was helping her body to survive without her brother? 

"Wanda, I need you to eat," I pushed gently. 

"I don't want to!" she screamed as she stormed off. She was being punished and she knew that she was supposed to stay with an adult but I let her go. She needed time to calm down and she knew that there would be consequences if she did anything. I was worried that she woke the house but no one came downstairs so they're probably still asleep. 

I felt frustrated and upset that she was backtracking but I had to remind myself that she had made large improvements. She was smiling occasionally and she was moving out of the bed. She was also allowing me to touch her and comfort her when she needed it. She held Nate without panicking and seemed genuinely happy which was good. 

I had to remind myself of these things as I paced the kitchen, thinking of how I could help her. I wanted to pick up the plate of eggs and throw it while I screamed but I kept my cool as I sat down on the couch in the living room. I needed to get myself out of the room to try to calm down. I felt anger but it wasn't anger at Wanda. It was anger towards all of the things that life had dealt her in her young years. 

I knew it was going to be okay. We were almost there. It was just going to take time and that was okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed the chapter!
> 
> If you have any feedback for this story (good or bad) I would love to hear it! I want to get better so if there is something that you don't like, let me know! I love the comments! I am appreciative of any comment I get so thank you to anyone who leaves comments! I am also open to ideas so if there is something specific that you want to see happen (event, relationship, specific scene, etc.) let me know! I want to work with your guys' ideas because I want you to all be happy and enjoy reading the story! If you give me an idea, it may take me awhile to incorporate it but I will definitely write it down to include it later!! Don't feel pressured to leave a comment, I don't want you guys to have to work for the chapters, but I do want to let you know that I appreciate each and every comment, like, or person who is taking their time to read my story!
> 
> Thank you for coming to my TED talk! (I've always wanted to say that! 😂)
> 
> Sorry for the long note but thank you to everyone who read it! Hope you all have a great rest of your week!


	11. Bumps in the Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda is definitely experiencing some delays in her recovery but thankfully she has Natasha there to help her get through them, along with the amazing Barton family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Hope you all had a wonderful day!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Panic attacks, eating disorders, depression. Be safe! :)
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented on the last chapter! It really motivated me to get this one out quickly! So I'm thinking that there will probably only be a few more chapters in this story before I start my new fic. I was planning on finishing this one up quicker but I changed my mind and decided to add a few more rough chapters to this one first. There will still be some dark chapters in the newer stories, it won't be all happy for Wanda and Natasha, but I will definitely get her back to a happy person and the new stories will be more about daily life with them!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy the chapter!

WANDA POV:

Natasha had been extremely understanding about me not wanting to go back to sleep and I appreciated it. We ended up staying awake until Laura and Nate woke up, then we both went downstairs to see them. 

I don't know what came over me but as I sat in the kitchen looking at Laura and Nate, I felt an extremely strong pull come over me that made me want to be near Nate. I offered to take him so that Laura could get some sleep but to be honest, I was doing this for Laura as much as I was doing this for me. I was thankful that Laura allowed me to take Nate. I felt a wave of calm after I had Nate in my arms. I don't know if it was because I had a calm, adorable baby in my arms or if it was because I felt that he had a piece of Pietro in him. Either way, I felt happy and calm with him. 

I only looked up from Nate when I heard a small thud in front of me caused from Nat setting a coffee cup in front of me. I looked at it and immediately felt my stomach clench. I hadn't eaten or drank anything in several days and I was finding it hard to just forget about my previous thoughts towards food.

I thought about the other kids and how being around them just made me feel calm and at ease. That made me think about what I would do when I no longer lived with them or when the kids went to school. I asked Nat about school and she told me that they had been out for the week, meaning that they only had the weekend before they went back to school.

I looked down at Nate to see that he had fallen asleep. "I can take him back to his room," Natasha offered quietly from her place in the kitchen. 

I didn't want to let go of him yet so I asked, "If it's okay, can I keep him for a few more minutes?" Natasha smiled at me and told me that that would be fine. I held him for a little bit longer and then figured that I should probably let him go back to his bed instead of my arms. 

Natasha took him from me and the cloud of calm immediately dissipated. "Let's go," she said and I looked at her confused as to why she would need me to go put Nate in his room. 

"Why?"

"You're still being punished, remember?" I groaned as I followed her up the stairs. I didn't understand why I couldn't sit by myself for five minutes but I wasn't up for an argument this early in the morning so I didn't say anything. 

We quickly finished that and we slipped back down the stairs quietly, as not to wake up the household. As soon as we got back downstairs, Natasha started questioning me about food. My anxiety came back and I had to focus on my breathing in order to not have a panic attack. She was naming so many different types of foods that I was getting overwhelmed. I could barely stand the thought of eating, let alone picking and choosing what I ate.

Natasha seemed to realize that I was panicking because she suggested eggs instead of leaving the option up to me which helped to ease my panic slightly. I wasn't good with variety. She continued to ask me questions about how I liked my eggs but I was focusing too much on not panicking to answer her so I just shrugged. She seemed to get frustrated slightly but she continued to ask the questions and make decisions for me when I didn't answer. 

I ended up with a plate of scrambled eggs with ketchup, salt and pepper. None of it looked appealing to me and I did not want to eat it. I felt sick as I looked at the food and I could feel tears building up, threatening to fall.

Natasha let me get away with just sitting there for about 10 minutes before she spoke up. "Wanda. We can put the tube back in if you need it." With those words, I lost the battle with one of my tears. Natasha wiped it away and looked at me with a look of sympathy. "Wanda, it's okay. If you need the tube, you need the tube," she tried to reason with me. "Why don't you want to eat?" 

I didn't know what to tell her so I settled with, "I don't want it."

"What don't you want?"

"Is there a certain reason you don't want the food?" 

"Nutrients," I finished with. I was not able to form full sentences due to the panic that was pressing against my chest about eating or the tube. I couldn't eat. Pietro wasn't here anymore. He didn't get to eat. Why should I? I still had the lingering thought that wanted me to die and be with my family but I hadn't found the right time to do it yet and I tried to fight against the thought. I liked Natasha, I didn't really want to leave her. My brain kept arguing with me, asking me whether I liked Pietro or Natasha better. The answer was always Pietro but the gap between them was getting closer and closer.

"Wanda, I need you to eat," Natasha told me with a slight edge to her voice and I lost it. 

"I don't want to!" I yelled as I ran up the stairs. I needed to get out of there, I couldn't be near the food anymore. I fully expected Natasha to follow me due to my punishment so I was surprised when I didn't hear her footsteps run after me. 

I threw myself on the bed and cried. I could barely breathe so I turned my face to the side to take deep gulps of air, trying to cease the burning in my chest. I wanted Natasha but I didn't want to eat. I figured that she was mad with me, that's why she hadn't come up yet. I cried harder at that thought as I stayed in bed, crying loudly. 

I heard the door open and I turned to see Laura standing there. The hope that had quickly built in my stomach got sucked out. I liked Laura but I really wanted Natasha. 

Laura rushed over to me and sat next to me on the bed. She used her hand to brush the hair out of my face. "What's wrong sweetie?" she asked me as she looked at me with soft eyes. I just cried, not able to form words through my sobbing. "Where's Natasha?" Again, no words came out, just more sobs. 

I turned my head to bury it in the crook of my elbow as Laura rubbed my back, shushing me and telling me that it was okay. 

I felt the hand disappear from my back and I cried harder from the loss of contact. I was choking on my cries at this point. I heard quiet murmuring but I couldn't make out who was saying what and then I felt the hand reappear. 

I stole a glance out of my elbow and saw Laura leaving the room. There was still a hand on my back so I turned and saw Natasha. I quickly sat up and threw myself into her arms, crying into her shoulder, apologizing profusely, terrified that she was going to place the feeding tube again.

"I'm so sorry Tasha! Please don't put the tube in again!" 

"Shh, it's okay sweet girl. I've got you, shh," Nat told me as she cupped the back of my head and rubbed my back. "We aren't putting the tube back in yet. Just breathe. Shh, shh. I've got you." She started humming to try to calm me down but it wasn't working as I continued to cry out all of my pain in her arms. This was one of the worst episodes that I had experienced and I all of a sudden felt a serious need to die but I tried to push it away as I gripped Natasha tighter. 

NATASHA POV:

After I sat in the living room for a few minutes, the anger had disappeared, leaving me upset for Wanda. I had thought of all of her improvements but I was seriously considering putting the tube back in. We couldn't have her get as bad as she did before I stepped in the first time. She was dying, that couldn't happen again. 

I heard some footsteps upstairs and then I was able to hear Wanda's heartbreaking sobs that tore through me. I could hear her crying all the way downstairs which meant that she was crying loud and hard. I quickly got up and started to head up the stairs to go be with my girl. 

I got to our room and saw that the door was open. The closer I got to our room, the louder and more hysterical the cries got. I was relieved when I saw that Laura had been in there with her and that I hadn't just left her to herself for several minutes before I could get my emotions under control. Wanda was crying into the bed with Laura sitting next to her, rubbing her back. 

Laura looked at me as I walked in and she stood up to come over to me. 

"What happened?" Laura asked me quietly. 

"She had trouble with eating," I told her simply and Laura nodded in understanding as she started to leave the room. Wanda seemed to cry harder so I quickly rushed to her side and placed a hand on her back, rubbing it just like Laura had done. 

Wanda turned her head and I saw her face peek out from behind her hair as she looked at me. Something seemed to change inside of her and before I could even blink, Wanda was up and in my arms, sobbing into my shoulder. She had my t-shirt bunched in her hands as she apologized over and over again. I rubbed her back, trying to get her to calm down. 

She was wheezing from the force of her tears. I was worried, she had never cried this hard before. She had experienced several moments that had more screaming and fear like when she woke up in restraints or the tube but she had never cried this hard. I reassured her that we were not going to put the tube back in yet as I started humming. Nothing was working to calm her down though. 

I tried to pull Wanda away from me slightly to see her face but she buried her face back into my shoulder as she continued to sob, her grip on my shirt becoming tighter. 

She only pulled herself away from me to turn her head to the side where she started gagging from her cries. I rubbed her back and held her hair back in case she threw up. I wanted to move her to the bathroom but she didn't seem to want to move as she continued to sob, her hands still holding onto my shirt. 

As soon as she finished gagging she turned back and tried to go back into my arms but I held her back in an effort to coach her through some breathing exercises. This only made her cry harder. 

"Wanda, sweetie. Breathe, it's okay. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. I need you to breathe honey. In and out. Slowly, like this," I told her as I held her hand against my chest to feel my breaths. 

She didn't listen and instead started clawing her way to try to get back to me, my arms being the only things keeping her away from my chest. I felt bad not offering her comfort but I needed her to calm down. 

"Tasha please!" I barely made out as she sobbed in front of me. I sighed but gave in and let her come crashing back into my chest, her arms wrapping around my shoulders and neck as she sobbed into my chest. I could do nothing but sit with her and rub her back, trying to get her to calm down. 

We were in a weird position on the bed so I very carefully stood up and felt her legs wrap around my waist as she stuck her head into the crook of my neck. She was still way too light for someone her age and it concerned me. I walked over to the chair that was in the corner of the room and sat down, shifting Wanda slightly so that she was curled in my lap. 

Wanda cried herself to sleep and I didn't move in fear that I was going to wake her up. I could feel her small, hot breaths on my neck as she slept. Her tears had soaked all the way through my shirt and onto my skin but I didn't care. I had my girl and she was finally calm. We stayed that way for about fifteen minutes until Clint walked in the room. 

"Shh," I said quietly as he walked in to prevent him from waking Wanda up. He walked in and sat on the bed across from Wanda and me. He looked at her with concern and then looked up to me. 

"How's she doing?" he asked me quietly. 

"She's been better but she's okay. She'll get through this too," I told him. I was really hoping that she was going to wake up with a new mindset towards eating because if not, then the tube was going to have to go back in and that would be hard for both her and me. 

"She will. She's so strong. What happened?" I told him the story of her waking up and panicking about the tube, staying up after her nightmare, getting up and holding Nate, breakfast, and then the meltdown that followed all of that. 

"So that's what happened with the tube. Laura told me that she no longer had a tube when she walked in and we were both confused. Are you going to put it back in?"

I sighed. "I don't know. I told her that I would give her a chance to eat but she is not even trying to eat which is frustrating but I understand. I get that she can't just change her entire mindset in a few hours but it's still frustrating. When I picked her up she was way lighter than I expected and I could feel all of her ribs and her spine when I was holding her. I really think she needs it but I'm not ready to put her back through the pain of putting it in. I would sedate her but I don't have the stuff here and it's dangerous each time I do it. I don't know what I'm going to do. I just need some time to think," I finished. 

"You'll figure it out. I would give her at least a few days to try the whole eating thing and if she refuses, then we can look into other options. Laura and I are also here to support you and her. I know that this is a step back for her but she's still moving forward so try not to get discouraged. She will get there, it's just going to take some time which is completely okay. You are doing a great job being there for her. I don't think she would have made it this far without you. Well, let me rephrase that, she _wouldn't_ have made it this far without you." That realization made me grip her a little tighter. 

"I'm going to need your help if I have to put the tube back in. I promised her that we would no longer use restraints so you are going to have to hold her down so that I can put it in."

"We'll get to that if we get to it. Give her some time." I sighed but I knew he was right. As much as I wanted her to have the tube so that I knew she was safe, I needed to give her time to figure it out by herself before I intercepted. 

Clint and I talked quietly for about an hour before Laura peeked her head in. 

"Hey," Laura said quietly after she saw the sleeping Wanda still in my lap. "Do either of you want any food?" Laura was holding Nate but he looked sleepy so hopefully he wouldn't be loud and wake Wanda. 

"No, I'm good. Thanks though," I told her with a smile while I rubbed Wanda's back.

"I'm good too, thanks," Clint told her. "Do you need help with the kids?" he asked, probably after realizing that he had been here for a little bit. 

"Nah," Laura said walking in the room. "Lila and Cooper are watching a movie so they're fine and Nate's with me so we're good. How's your baby doing?" she asked, looking fondly at Wanda. 

"She's okay. I think she was overtired from not getting much sleep last night which caused a huge meltdown. Hopefully she'll be okay."

"She will Nat," Laura told me as she placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. 

"You sound like Clint," I scoffed. "Oh and she accidentally pulled her tube out in her sleep, not on purpose," I told Laura after remembering that Clint said they were confused. 

"Oh, are you going to be putting it back in?"

"I don't know yet. I'm going to give her a little bit to try by herself but she's not stable enough to have a lot of time so she better figure it out soon," I told her. I was feeling anger towards the situation and I was terrified that I would take it out on Wanda by accident. I was worried for her and usually that came out as anger in me. Laura sighed as she went to sit next to Clint. 

"So what's our plan of action for when she wakes up?" Laura asked. 

"I don't know!" I snapped and then immediately felt guilty for it. "Sorry," I told Laura. "I'm just worried, she was crying so hard, she couldn't breathe."

"She's okay. Look at her, she's safe and she's got someone she trusts." I looked down at Wanda and saw her sweet face. She looked so much younger than 16 when she slept. She still had tear tracks on her cheeks. 

"Thanks guys," I told them both. "For everything. I don't think I ever told you thank you for what you did for me when I was younger but I really do appreciate it, even if I didn't show it at the time." Laura and Clint both laughed lightly at the memory. "I know that it's not super easy to just open your house for people but I really appreciate it. If Wanda gets worse, we'll head back to the compound so that you guys can go back to your normal schedules-"

"Wait, hold on," Clint cut me off. "You don't have to go anywhere if you don't want to. We are glad to have you here. If you feel that she would be better at the compound then of course, do what she needs to get better but otherwise, we would love to have you stay for as long as you want. We have the space." Laura nodded along as she smiled warmly at me. 

It seemed like Clint was going to continue but we must've got too loud because Wanda started to stir in my arms, whining and starting to whimper. I slowly rocked her as I shushed her but it just got worse. Clint and Laura looked ready to help but I said, "I've got this. You guys can go, hopefully I'll be joining you soon." They both smiled sympathetically at me and Wanda as they left the room. 

Wanda had started crying in her sleep and I figured that she was having a nightmare. "It's okay baby, shh," I told her over and over again as I stroked her hair. "You're okay, you're safe. I've got you, I'm not going anywhere." 

Red mist started floating around us and all of a sudden I was punched in the stomach as Wanda started fighting. I grabbed her flailing arms as soon as her eyes shot open. She looked at me and her face crumpled, "Oh my gosh! I hurt you! I'm so sorry!" Her powers retreated back into her hands. Wanda was sobbing again as she tried to fight my grip and get away from me. 

"Hey, hey, calm down! I'm okay, you didn't hurt me!" 

"Yes I did!" she cried while continuing to fight me. I easily overpowered her and pulled her struggling form into my body, holding her close to try to calm her down. "I'm so sorry! Please don't hate me."

"I already told you Wanda, you didn't hurt me," I told her calmly and gently. 

"But I did! Your head!" I was confused so I lifted my hand to touch my head. When I removed it, I saw that my fingers were coated in blood. I didn't even remember being hit in the head by her but it was possible given her struggling state while she was sleeping. I grabbed a tissue off of the bedside table to wipe off the blood, my main priority being Wanda at the moment.

"Oh that, it doesn't even hurt," I told her. "It's really okay honey. Calm down," I told her and I was extremely relieved when her cries died down into sniffling. 

She pulled away from me and this time I let her as I looked at her face. She really needed to talk to me in depth about her nightmares as this wasn't going to work. She was never going to get any sleep if she had nightmares any time she closed her eyes! 

"You gonna tell me about it?" I asked, hinting for the answer I wanted. She just shook her head and I sighed. 

"Alright, do you want to talk about what happened earlier?" I knew that it would make her feel better but I couldn't force her to do anything. She shook her head again but with more force this time. She was still sitting on my lap but she had shifted a bit so that she was facing my face instead of being buried in my chest or shoulder. 

"Wanda, it really will help," I was very gentle, extremely aware that she was in a fragile state and that she could break at any moment. I didn't want to make her mad so I only gently pushed. She just ignored me as she made to get off of me, wiping her cheeks with her sleeve. 

I followed her up and led her into the bathroom. I needed to clean her stitches again so we repeated the process that we had done yesterday. Wanda hadn't said a single thing through the entire thing. 

Her stomach rumbled and it brought me back to the topic that I was dreading bringing up. 

"Wanda," I said as I grabbed her hand. Her eyes wandered up to meet mine. "Just listen for a sec okay? I know you don't want to hear it and if you can't handle it, let me know and I'll stop talking about it. We need to get some food into you." I paused to read her reaction. Her eyes dropped back to the floor and she tensed but other than that, she maintained her composure. "I know that you don't want to but I also know that you're hungry. You can have whatever you want, we can go out somewhere if you'd like?" No response. "Is there anything specific that you would like?" Silence. I sighed. "Wanda honey, you gotta work with me here." 

When I still didn't get an answer I led her out of the room, hesitating just long enough at the door that she could stop me if she wasn't comfortable but she followed me out, finally looking up from the ground. 

We walked downstairs and Lila was passing us. "Wanda!" she yelled as she tried to jump into her arms. Wanda caught her and lifted her up to her hip but didn't smile. I placed my hands on her back and shoulders to steady her so that she didn't fall. 

"What's wrong?" Lila asked as she looked at Wanda's dull face. 

I was about to answer for her when Wanda said, "Nothing," and forced a terribly fake smile. Lila didn't seem to notice and she smiled as she wiggled to get out of Wanda's arms. 

"Let's go!" Lila said as she grabbed Wanda's hand and dragged her to the living room with me following. I wanted to tell Lila to calm down and let Wanda breathe but Wanda needed human interaction and Lila was willing to give it so I let them be. If Wanda started showing signs of distress of panic, I would step in but otherwise, I wanted to let her try to get back to a happier time.

Lila had a few Barbies laid out on the coffee table where she brought Wanda too. Wanda sat down next to her and took the Barbie that Lila handed her but she didn't really interact with Lila's game. She mostly just looked past Lila out the window with a blank look. I looked at her and prayed that she would start laughing and playing with Lila like she had the other day but I was happy that she wasn't crying so as long as she stayed there, it was okay for the moment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed the chapter!
> 
> Again, please let me know if you have any feedback for the story (good or bad) and let me know if you have any requests for scenes, relationships, plot-lines, or specific details you would like me to include! I really do love reading your comments! They motivate me to write the chapters faster and to make them longer!! I appreciate anyone who takes the time out of their day to read my story, like, or comment on it! Thank you all so much! :)
> 
> Hope you have a great weekend!


	12. This Sucks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda starts to return to some old habits and Natasha is getting a little overwhelmed which in turn, leads to a little less patience. She is also no longer afraid to scare Wanda so Natasha starts to become a little more intense towards her, in a motherly way of course!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Hope you are all doing well!!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Eating disorder, mention of corporal punishment, anxiety. Be safe! :)
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented on the last chapter! I really appreciated it! :) I realized that I have a lot more writing for Nat's POV than I do Wanda's. I will definitely start including Wanda's more, now that I've realized it.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy the chapter!

WANDA POV:

Lila tried to get me to interact with her and play Barbies but I really didn't feel up to it. I felt blank after crying out all of my emotions. I was constantly trying to figure out what I wanted to do. I had to either fight against my thoughts and my stomach force myself to eat or satisfy my brain by not eating and go through the painful experience of getting a tube placed where I was still getting nutrients but I don't have to think about it. 

I was blankly staring out the window when I got pulled back into reality by Lila yelling my name. "Wanda!" My eyes snapped over to look at her. "I've been saying your name for the past ten thousand minutes!" she exaggerated as she looked at me. 

"Sorry," I mumbled. "I was distracted."

"You have to play with Mrs. Twinkle and make her go to the bakery," Lila explained to me while pointing at the Barbie and then some boxes that I assumed was supposed to be the bakery. I mindlessly bounced the Barbie up and down, pretending to have her walk all the way to the bakery. Lila was chatting away but I wasn't listening to a word she said as I stared at the coffee table. 

I looked up when Natasha cleared her throat exceptionally loud. She was staring at me and I knew that she wanted to say something. I could pretty much guarantee that it was going to be about food which was not a subject I wanted to talk about, even though I knew I needed to. 

Natasha was sitting on the couch that was behind the table. Laura was in the kitchen with Nate and Clint was sitting in the chair next to Natasha. I had no idea where Cooper was. He was probably in his room or maybe he was also in the kitchen, I just couldn't see him. It didn't really matter much to me. 

Natasha and I were having some sort of staring contest as we hadn't taken our eyes off of each other for at least a minute, me begging her silently not to say anything about the food situation. Apparently I didn't beg hard enough. 

"All right Wanda, I think it's time for lunch." My eyes finally pulled away from her piercing ones and I turned back to the window. It was already around 11:45 so it was nearing lunchtime and I still hadn't eaten anything that morning. I had already thrown a fit and wasted food for breakfast so I knew that Nat wouldn't let me push her around so easily with lunch. 

I didn't make any move to get up so Natasha got up from the couch and came to crouch next to me. "Wanda," she warned quietly in my ear. "I know that you are having a hard time but you need to eat or the tube is going back in." I surprisingly had dry eyes after that comment, probably only because I had just finished crying all of the tears that my body could manage. I was also getting dehydrated from the lack of food and water. 

I turned my head further away from Natasha but did consider listening and getting up. I didn't want to cause a scene in the living room where there were several sets of watchful eyes on us. 

"Hi Auntie Nat, do you wanna play with us?" Lila said, trying to hand her a Barbie. 

"Maybe in a little bit!" Nat said excitedly. "Wanda and I have to go eat some lunch but maybe after that!" 

"Okay!" Lila said equally as excited as Nat as she turned away and started playing quietly by herself. I had decided not to move so I stayed seated. I felt Nat's hand on my arm. 

I still didn't move or even turn to look at her. I crossed my arms over my chest and tried to pull away from her grasp. "Wanda, if you do not get up right now, the tube will be going in later this afternoon," Natasha told me sternly, quietly talking in my ear. 

I sure as hell didn't want that so I ripped my arm from Natasha's hold and stormed into the kitchen. I knew I was being irrational but I thought that Natasha was too! Didn't she realize that I was struggling with eating? 

Laura looked over from where she was feeding Nate as I slammed myself into one of the bar stools. Natasha entered the kitchen quickly after me and followed me to where I sat down. "Drop the attitude please." I rolled my eyes and huffed as I turned away. Natasha sighed as she walked over to the cabinets in the kitchen, looking for some food. 

"How does a peanut butter sandwich sound?" she asked me. I chose to glare into the living room instead of look at Natasha or answer her. 

Before I knew what was happening, my chair was being swiveled around to face Natasha. "Young lady, if you don't drop the attitude, you will be going to go stand in the corner." She pointed to a corner that was in the kitchen and I looked at her disbelievingly. There was no way that she was going to put me in a corner in front of the whole family. I was a teenager, not a 3 year old and I was _not_ going to stand in that corner, even if she told me to. 

"That's in the middle of the kitchen!" I pointed out. 

"So?"

"So, everyone will see me. It's embarrassing! I don't need to stand in the corner!" I argued. 

"Then quit the attitude and you'll be fine. You still have to be watched by an adult so I can't just send you to your room. Now, what would you like for lunch?" Her voice seemed to soften when she asked me what I wanted for lunch but that did nothing to melt away my anger. I was fuming as I chose to ignore her once again. 

Laura was still in the kitchen with Nate but no one else was in there to observe the fight that was occurring. 

"That's it," Nat stated. "Get that nose in the corner." She was calm but scary. Something in me made it so that I blatantly ignored her and instead turned even more away from her. That pissed her off. I heard her footsteps as she stormed over and grabbed my arm, pulling me out of the chair. She wasn't hurting me but she was stern. 

"No Natasha!" I yelled as she drug me over to the corner. She pushed my body to face the corner and then she walked back into the main part of the kitchen. I turned around to face her, starting to walk out of the corner. I saw Laura quietly watching from her corner of the kitchen but I didn't care much, this was between Nat and I. 

Natasha turned to me when she heard my movements. "Wanda, in the corner now," she grit out. 

"No," I crossed my arms over my chest as I looked at her defiantly. 

"You are acting like a two year old. Do you want to go over my knee?" I gasped. She wouldn't. I shook my head slightly, shocked. "Then I would recommend getting back in the corner before I get over there." There was no way I was going to be spanked by Nat. I didn't quite believe that she would do it but I never knew so I turned around, defeated, and walked back to the corner. I had a feeling she was bluffing but I was not willing to chance it. 

I stood in the corner until Natasha let me know that it was time to get out. I walked over to her and mumbled an apology. I turned red when I realized that Laura had just witnessed everything. I was fine with Laura being in there before Nat mentioned spanking me. That was something that I was going to make sure never happened. I'm pretty sure I would die of embarrassment if she did. 

NATASHA POV:

Wanda was acting like a brat and she knew it, purposefully ignoring me and showing outward signs of attitude. I was staying calm as we went into the kitchen to get her food. She was storming around like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum but I decided to let it go for the moment, knowing that she hadn't got much sleep the night before and that she had had a rough start to the morning. 

I started to lose it a little bit when she started to argue with me and ignore me when I asked her questions about food. I was trying to make this food thing easier for her but it didn't work well when she was doing absolutely everything she could to try to piss me off. 

I warned her that she would go in the corner if the attitude continued but she chose to ignore me so I acted on it. Laura had told me that I had to be consistent and I fully-intended on being consistent. 

I calmly told her to go to the corner but I got pissed when she turned further away from me in an attempt to ignore me. I quickly went over to her and grabbed her arm to put her in the corner. If she wasn't going to do it for herself, I was going to do it for her. She fought me but I managed to get her in the corner as I walked away.

I looked at Laura to calm myself down and she mouthed 'good job.' I smiled weakly at her as I went to go sit down to give Wanda some time to think. Before I got to the chair, I heard shuffling footsteps coming from the corner and I turned to look at her, only to see her facing me, walking away from the corner that I had just put her in. 

I had to take a deep breath to keep calm as I told her to get back in the corner but she refused. I pulled out the big guns. "You are acting like a two year old. Do you want to go over my knee?" This seemed to snap her out of her funk as she looked at me. I fully intended on continuing through with that threat if she didn't move her butt back into the corner. 

She shook her head. "Then I would recommend getting back in the corner before I get over there." She seemed to think for a second and I started to approach her when she turned around and walked back into the corner. I sighed in relief as I was not looking forward to having to spank her but since I threatened it, I was going to have to follow through. 

Laura had been silent throughout the entire interaction and I looked over to see her still sitting there. She looked a little surprised that I threatened a spanking but I knew it was safe. I had experienced many punishments throughout my lifetime of living in the Red Room and living at the Barton farm and I would never punish Wanda using one of the forms of punishments used in the Red Room but spanking happened to be one that occurred outside of the Red Room and in the Barton household. I deemed it as a completely safe punishment, given that I do it correctly. 

Laura smirked when I turned to her. "Taking a page out of my book huh?" she whispered as I walked over. I rolled my eyes but laughed good-naturedly. 

Wanda had never told me what she wanted to eat so I pulled out the peanut butter and bread and made her a sandwich. If she wanted something else, I would eat the sandwich. 

I made her stand in the corner for ten minutes before I called her over. I was always taught that the kid had to stand in the corner one minute for each year of their life but Wanda seemed to be getting tired standing up and I was scared that she was going to pass out so I ended it six minutes early. 

I smiled when Wanda came straight over to me to apologize. She was bright red when she looked at Laura but she seemed to get over it quickly as she walked back over to the bar to sit. 

There was no door to separate the kitchen from the living room, just a small wall to hold up the ceiling. Lila couldn't see into the kitchen from where she was in the living room but Clint was seated so that he was able to see everything. He smiled at me when I looked at him, mouthing that I did good. It was nice to have two people who were so reassuring. 

I walked over to Wanda's spot with the sandwich and set the plate down. Wanda's eyes filled up with tears once she looked at the plate and she started to have another meltdown. I gave her two options. "Wanda, you can either get the tube placed later today or you can sit here and attempt eating." I felt terrible for only giving her those two options, especially as her tears started to fall, but I couldn't have her not eating anymore. She had gotten tired from standing for just ten minutes, her body was slowly starting to waste away again. 

She folded her arms in front of her and laid her head down as her shoulders shook from crying. She seemed embarrassed that she was crying in the middle of the house instead of in the privacy of her room. I felt like a monster as I looked at her. I couldn't have her continue to not eat so that she could go cry in a room, no matter how much I just wanted to go carry her to our room so that she could cry. 

She wasn't sobbing to the same extent as she had been earlier, just more crying lightly over the thought of eating. I sat next to her and rubbed her back, not saying anything, just being there for her. 

"I can't eat Tasha," I heard her say softly after a few minutes. She seemed to have calmed down. "I'm really sorry Nat, I just can't do it. I'm not strong enough." She had stopped crying but she still seemed upset. 

"It's okay honey. You are so strong. It's okay that you can't eat yet, this wasn't the plan but the tube got pulled out so I figured we'd try. There's no shame in getting the tube again." I hugged her as I told her this. Laura had gotten up and went into the living room to give us some privacy. 

"But it's gonna hurt," she whined, sounding close to tears again. 

"I'll be gentle and we don't have to do it just yet. We have some numbing spray that we can use," I reassured her gently. 

"Why can't you just sedate me?" I was somewhat surprised. She had been terrified of being sedated at the compound. This just shows how much she hates the tube but I didn't have another choice. 

"It's dangerous each time we do it. We also don't know how it will interact with your powers and abilities. Last time, you weren't able to use your powers for a few hours and I'm scared that if we continue to sedate you, it may change your powers forever," I was sympathetic as I told her this, not wanting to have to cause her pain. She looked at me and thankfully didn't argue as she nodded. "We can wait but it's going to have to happen, why don't we just get it over with? I bet you're hungry."

Tears started falling again an it looked like it was taking energy for her not to argue with me. "It's okay sweetie, let's just get this over with." I gently placed my hand on her back as I led her through the living room towards the stairs. I could feel a slight resistance from her but she continued to move forward. I motioned for Clint to follow us as we passed through the living room. 

We walked all the way up the stairs and by the time we got to our room, Wanda was full on crying again, taking shuddering breaths to try to calm down but not succeeding. I had packed supplies for a tube placement just in case we had to do one while we were at the farm but I honestly didn't think we were going to need it. I thought that she would get off of it by the time we had to change it but I also hadn't planned for it to accidentally get pulled out. 

I had some numbing spray, a tube, several types of tapes, syringes, pH strips, lubrication, and a few other necessities. "Can you sit with her while I go get this ready?" I asked Clint in a hushed voice. I didn't want to have to get the tube ready in front of Wanda knowing that that would only increase her anxiety. 

"Of course," he told me and then walked over to Wanda who was shaking on the bed. I had no idea whether she was going to use her powers, if she was going to fight against it, or if she was just going to sit there and try to breathe through it. It wasn't looking like the latter was going to happen but there was hope. I got the tube out and made sure that I had all of my supplies out and ready but I could not move on without Wanda as the steps now required her. 

I walked out and saw Clint telling Wanda that it was going to be okay but Wanda was still crying. She backed up slightly when she saw me approach with the tube as she started to cry harder. I put my hands out in a placating gesture. "Shh Wanda. It's okay. I just need to measure it. No one is going to start with the insertion until you are ready." This seemed to calm her down slightly but she was still panicky. 

Once she had calmed down enough to let me near her, I slowly approached her with the tube in hand and started by measuring it. I also gave Wanda the numbing spray to put in whichever side she wanted the tube in. She chose the left so I quickly cleaned off that cheek to prepare it for the tape while she squirted some numbing spray in her nostril. 

I put some lube on the end of the tube and was ready for insertion. Wanda sure wasn't though. She was breathing quickly and was looking at the tube with a terrified expression. She was mumbling over and over again, "Hurts, please don't. I don't want it," but she was so quiet that it was hard to hear her. Clint was ready to step in if needed but for the time being, he was just sitting next to her to offer her comfort. 

"Alright Wanda, it's time to start the placement. I promise I'll be super gentle. You let me know if it hurts and we can try to move it so that it doesn't hurt. You can do this." I had a cup of water with a straw for swallowing the tube down and I also had a puke bag after last time's incident. I tried to hand her the bag but she was shaking too much so I set the bag and tube down and sat in front of her. "Hey, you are going to be okay, alright? Just breathe, deep breaths. Soon it will all be over." I cupped her cheek as she cried. 

"Are you ready?" There was no response because she was crying too hard but I knew that it was just going to get worse so I went over to grab the tube. As soon as I got back in front of her and started to bring the tube to her nose, she yelped and scrambled back in bed even though I hadn't even touched her yet. She had her hands out in front of her which were surrounded by red. I don't think she meant to use her powers though, she was just scared. 

"Wanda, hey honey. You're okay. Come back over here okay?" I said gently to try to coax her back in front of me. She cried as she shook her head. 

"I don't want the tube!" she cried out and I sighed. 

"Do you want to try to eat instead because we can do that too," I explained like I was talking to a five year old. Another shake of her head after some hesitation told me that she needed the tube for right now. "It's going to be okay. I'll do this quickly and then it'll be over. Maybe it just hurt a lot the first time and it won't hurt as bad this time," I reasoned. I knew that it was going to at least be uncomfortable because we were inserting something into her nose which was sensitive but hopefully it wouldn't hurt so bad. 

Wanda didn't want to listen to anything I said as she continued to cry and back up. I looked to Clint and we had a quick conversation with our eyes. It was time for him to step in as much as I hated to say it. 

Clint started talking. "Wanda," he said gently. "Hey, it's okay kiddo. You're going to be okay and you know how I know?" He gave her a second to answer before he continued. "Because Nat is an amazing person who cares about you and is going to try her best to make this a good experience for you." Apparently Clint's reasoning didn't work either because she pulled back and was now standing on the other side of the bed, tears still streaming down her face. 

"No tube!" she sobbed and I looked at him. We were going to have to get her calm before we started anything. I set the tube back down as I walked over to her. She was confused and took this as a threat because she immediately jumped on the bed and ran to the other side, leaping off and running to the closed door. Clint was faster and was able to grab her by her waist before she escaped. 

Clint carried a squirming Wanda over to the bed, Wanda shouting the entire time. "Shh sweet girl," I told her as I pushed her hair back. Clint laid her on the bed and grabbed her arms to prevent her from running again. 

"No tube! No tube! Please Tasha!" she cried frantically as she thrashed around on the bed. 

"No tube," I said, showing her my hands. "We will finish when you're calm. Just breathe, it's okay." Clint still had her wrists in his grasp but was able to release them as Wanda started to calm down. 

Pretty soon, she was no longer sobbing. She was still crying but I knew that there was no way we were going to be able to get her to stop crying before the tube was placed. "Are you ready?" I asked her. She shook her head. "Are you ever going to be ready?" I asked, already knowing the answer. Another shake of her head. "Alright sweet girl, I'm going to start but just continue to breathe like you're doing okay?" She nodded as she tried to continue breathing, even as the tears started coming faster. 

Clint was nearby but we were hopeful that Wanda was going to allow me to do it without his help. Everything was looking fine until I inserted it in her nose. I got it about 2 inches in before she started screaming and she pushed back, removing the tube from her nose. She tried to jump up and leave but again, Clint was faster. He got behind her and held her against his chest, one of his arms wrapped around her arms and torso with his other hand running through her hair and holding her head against him. He was sitting behind her on the bed so he placed one of his legs over hers in order to hold them down. 

Wanda started trying to move but she wasn't able to move much as she was being held down by Clint. This caused her cries to become more intense so I figured that I should finish up. I had the puke bag next to me just in case as I moved close to her again and re-inserted the tube. 

She let out a scream and started begging me to stop as I moved it through her nasal passages and to her throat where she started gagging. I was quick to grab the bag and shove it under her chin before she puked in the bag, only expelling some bile. Clint was continuing to tell her comforting words as I continued to put the tube in. She managed to stop puking and she even drank some water and soon, the tube was in. I checked the placement and taped it down as she sagged against Clint who was still holding her, now gently rocking her side to side. 

He had released his restrictive holds on her which allowed her to move but he still had his arms wrapped around her in a comforting manner as she cried. "You did it kiddo," he told her in praise. 

"Good job baby," I told her. "You did so good, so amazingly good!" Wanda was still crying and she had her eyes scrunched closed as she relaxed against Clint. 

I cleaned up while Clint was still comforting and by the time I was done, Wanda had stopped crying but looked exhausted. We did it though, the hard part of the tube was over, and she did amazing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed the chapter!
> 
> I have read quite a few fanfics where spanking is a common form of punishment. Is this something that you guys would like to see happen in the story or not? It wouldn't be a spank-fic so it wouldn't happen often but it may be a form of punishment that Nat uses if you guys would like to read about that. Let me know!
> 
> This chapter was definitely different than the others so let me know if you guys enjoyed it or if you want me to change something. Pretty much the only thing I changed in this one was more attitude and a different punishment then before. Hopefully you guys liked it and if you didn't, let me know so I can change it! As always, if there is anything you would like to see added, changed, taken away, let me know! Feedback is greatly appreciated!
> 
> Hope you all have a great week!


	13. The Other Side of the Mountain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda is finally starting to be happy again, no matter how hard she tried to fight against it. Natasha thinks that Wanda is going to be back to normal really soon but something comes up that scares her, her protectiveness for Wanda shining through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I hope you are all doing well!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Eating disorder, mention of self-harm. Be safe! :)
> 
> There will probably only be one more chapter in this story before I start the next story in this plot-line! I got one comment on the last chapter requesting that I do not include spanking but another comment that thought it was a great chapter, even though they didn't explicitly state whether or not they wanted corporal punishment included. I'm just confused, lol! I want everyone to get what they want in this story so any feedback is appreciated!
> 
> I wrote this chapter earlier so there are slight hints to corporal punishment but no specific scenes. This will probably mean that I will not include any spankings but if I do include a spanking scene in any of my chapters, I will make sure to let you all know that there will be one included in the chapter and I will also make sure that you don't have to read the chapter for the story to make sense so that you can skip the chapter if you would like to! :)
> 
> Hope you all enjoy the chapter!

WANDA POV:

I sat in Clint's arms, the past few hours being a big blur. I had refused to eat which caused Nat to place the tube again. The placement all happened really fast, Nat calmly talking me through what was going to happen, me panicking, Clint grabbing me, Natasha starting and the extreme pain, Clint holding me down, the tube going in, throwing up, and now sitting in Clint's lap, crying. 

The tube didn't hurt much now that it was in but it wasn't comfortable and I forgot how much I hated the feeling of the tube. At least I no longer had to worry about eating. 

I stayed in Clint's lap, leaning against his chest, exhausted, until Nat had finished putting the supplies away. I then moved over to her arms for a few minutes until I had calmed down completely. We went downstairs and continued to play Barbies with Lila. It was nice when I went downstairs and no one said anything about the tube, making me feel the slightest bit normal. 

o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o

The next several days were spent basically the same way. I woke up, Natasha hooked me up to a feed, we went downstairs and played with the kids, occasionally we would go outside and watch the kids play ball or something similar, help Laura clean or watch the kids so that Laura could get some work done, have a family meal (even though I would just sit there and not eat), watch a movie, go to bed, wake up due to a nightmare, cry into Natasha until I fell asleep, and then repeat. We followed this routine for the entire weekend until it was time for the kids to go back to school.

It was weird spending time in the house without the kids. Nate was still there but other than that, there were no kids who begged me to play with them every five seconds. With the kids gone, Nat had been working on therapy of some type for me. She would have me sit down and we would watch a show or play a game while she tried to get me to eat something. Usually it was something small like a few crackers or a tiny bowl of grapes. Bland and simple so that my stomach would accept it. I preferred the grapes because it eased my mind to tell me that I wasn't nourishing my body enough to keep it alive. 

I had yet to eat a full meal but Nat told me that it would be coming soon with the progress I was making. I couldn't really tell how I felt about it but I didn't completely hate the idea which was good. 

I still wasn't getting nearly enough sleep at night and I was finding it harder and harder to fall asleep every night, constantly thinking about the nightmares that awaited me. I had experienced several different nightmares, most of them including either Pietro, Nat or Clint dying, usually due to something I did, or someone I cared about getting mad at me and throwing me back onto the streets by myself where I got pulled back into Hydra's grasp. Every night I would wake up crying and panicking, taking a long time to calm down and finally allow Nat to coax me back to sleep. 

I was starting to feel happier especially with all of the kids around. I found myself smiling and laughing more often which I quickly forced away, feeling guilty that I was getting back to normal without Pietro. I had taken to a method of self harm that wasn't going to kill me to keep me in check. I had found a rubber band in one of the kitchen miscellaneous cabinets and I quickly slipped it over my wrist, snapping it when I felt myself getting too happy. I was constantly wearing long sleeves as it was pretty cold outside so Natasha couldn't see the marks. 

I knew that Pietro would want me to move on and be happy without him but if I did, that would be accepting that he was gone and I wasn't quite ready to do that yet, even though it had been several weeks since his passing. My wrists had healed from my past suicide attempts but there were going to be scars, I knew that for sure. I no longer had the constant itching to hurt myself which was nice. I still wanted to be with my family but my mind had changed and started to wish that they were alive instead of wishing that I was dead. It was a glass half empty, glass half full situation. 

Natasha seemed to be smiling more and that made me happy. I was glad that I wasn't constantly causing her problems anymore. She had approached me several times about therapy but each time I refused and told her that I didn't need one. Sure I still couldn't eat correctly and I had debilitating nightmares but I didn't need to talk to a shrink. 

Lila and I had become extremely close. I would read to her at night and act out scenes with her stuffed animals using my powers. Cooper and I were close but not as close as Lila and I. I would hang out with Cooper when he was doing his homework, either reading or experimenting with my powers. I was trying to get stronger but right now, my body would get exhausted if I used my powers for just five or so minutes. I loved any chance that I got to be around Nate and Laura was starting to trust me with him a little more, now that I was getting more stable. I would hold him when watching TV or when I was watching Cooper or Lila show me things that they did at school.

My punishment had finally ended which allowed me to go to the bathroom by myself and be in a room without the constant monitoring of an adult. Natasha and I still spent a lot of time together but if I needed to breathe, she allowed me to go sit in a room by myself. 

I had managed to not make Nat mad at me since the corner incident so that was nice. I didn't like to make her mad. She still made sure that I understood that I was not to injure myself in any way and that I needed to talk to her if I got the feeling of suicide again. I had no idea how long we were going to stay at the farm but I wasn't in any rush to leave. I liked the company of the kids and Clint and Laura. 

Laura and I have also gotten closer. She let me help her cook and she would ask me to watch the kids if she needed to do something. Clint and I had also gotten closer but we were already pretty close to begin with. 

It was already the weekend again and Lila, Cooper, Nate and I were all watching some cartoon while the adults made breakfast. I was holding Nate while feeding him his bottle as I glanced at the TV. It was some show that the kids liked but I wasn't too interested in it so I watched Nate's face make all of the cute expressions he made while eating. 

"Breakfast!" Clint called out from the kitchen and we all got up and sat down at the table. I had passed Nate to Laura as I sat down. Even though I didn't eat, Nat required me to sit with the family. She told me that it was a sign of respect. She also always pressed me to eat a little bit at each meal and I tried, even though I didn't want to. 

Today we were eating pancakes and Nat took one small pancake and put it on a plate for me. All I had to do was eat how much she put on my plate and then she would stop bugging me so I slowly but surely ate the pancake. 

I had been on the tube for awhile now and Nat seemed to be trying to get me off of it. She never forced me into anything but I could tell that she was trying to progress with my eating habits to eventually get me off of the tube. 

"Hey, I was thinking that we got out of the house today," Nat told me after we finished eating. I looked at her. 

"Why?" I asked. 

She laughed and responded with, "Well you have been cooped up in this house for over a week! I figured you'd want to get out and move a little bit. We don't have to go off of the property if you want, we could just take a walk outside."

I shrugged, "Okay." 

She smiled at me. "Great! So how about we start with a little walk to the creek and then if you want, we can go to the store or something. We'll leave as soon as you get dressed." I looked down at my clothes. I had been wearing sweatpants and a baggy shirt with a hoodie pulled over it for the entire time that I got here, occasionally switching out my shirt to a long sleeve one. Natasha made me change each day but she never forced me to dress nice, except for the welcome home party, because we were just staying in the house. 

I got up and headed up to our room to get changed. I just got dressed in a pair of leggings that I had and a different coat. I also grabbed my large, puffy coat since it was cold outside. I walked into our bathroom to get changed when I heard Natasha outside. I didn't want her to see me changing and not just because I wouldn't have any clothes on. I didn't want her to see the angry red marks on my wrist from the rubber band. I knew that she would want to have a conversation with me about it and I didn't want her to take away my coping mechanism. 

I quickly finished getting dressed and when I walked out, I saw Natasha in similar apparel. I followed her wordlessly downstairs and outside where the kids were kicking around a soccer ball. I thought that they were coming with us so I was confused when Natasha headed into the woods and the kids didn't follow us. 

"Aren't Lila and Cooper coming?" I asked before we disappeared in the forest. 

"Nope. I asked if they wanted to come but they said that they wanted to play soccer so I let them stay."

"Oh," I said as we continued walking. 

"You seem disappointed. You don't want to spend some alone time with me?" Natasha said in a joking voice as she knocked her hip against mine. 

"No, no! I was just wondering. I'm totally fine with just you," I rushed to explain, scared that I made her mad. She just laughed. 

We walked the rest of the way silently until we came to a creek. It was way bigger than I thought it would be. When I lived in Sokovia, a creek was usually just a small trickle of water that passed through the trees. This looked more like a slow-moving river. 

"Woah," I said as I looked at the creek. 

"This is just part of it," Natasha explained. "If you go further that way," she pointed to the left of the creek, "The creek opens up a little more and there is a swimming spot that we swim in in the summer."

"Isn't there a current?" 

"Not over there. It gets a little deeper so there is no water rushing through it. It's nice, I'll take you there when it gets a little warmer."

"It's deep?" I questioned. I wasn't a strong swimmer. 

"Not too deep. On one side, the water would go to about your chest and then the other side is probably about 12 feet deep but you don't have to go over there if you don't want to." 

"Oh, nice." Natasha walked over to a fallen tree and sat down, leaning back slightly and looking at the water. I followed suit and sat next to her. "It's nice out here," I said after a while. 

"Hmm," Natasha hummed while agreeing with me. 

We sat in silence for another half hour or so before it became too cold. I had moved closer to Nat for warmth and she had an arm wrapped around me. She must have felt me shivering because she said, "Why don't we head back? It's getting pretty chilly out here." I gladly accepted as we started to head back. 

By the time we made it back to the house, the kids were no longer outside. We walked in and Laura handed us both a mug of hot chocolate. Natasha immediately started sipping on hers but I placed mine on the counter instead as I took off my coat and placed it on one of the coat hooks. 

"Hey Nat?"

"Yes?"

"Can we train? I need to gain more control over my powers and if I don't train, I can never be an Avenger!" I had been wanting to ask for a while. Before we left the compound, I had overheard Cap and Nat talking about training the new recruits but when I asked about it, I got pushed aside. I was starting to feel better and was no longer malnourished so I thought I was ready to train. 

Apparently Nat thought otherwise. "Not yet Wanda," she told me carefully. 

"Why not?" I groaned. "I'm ready!"

"You are still on the tube and you get exhausted very easily right now. I just want to wait a little longer."

"But I'm ready!" I tried to convince her. 

"Wanda!" she snapped and I knew to stop if I didn't want this conversation to end in an argument. 

"Fine," I huffed as I walked into the living room where Nate was in his bouncer. I sat in front of him and encouraged him to jump as I watched him laugh and move his chubby legs. It made me smile and I quickly looked around the room before I snapped the band to get back to my neutral expression. 

Natasha walked into the living room carrying a mug of hot chocolate. I thought it was hers until she placed it next to me on the table and then moved to go sit on one of the couches. Laura also joined us in the living room, quietly reading her book. 

I got up to head to my room but Nat stopped me. 

"Take your drink," she told me as I made to leave. 

"I don't want it," I said as I continued to walk, not even hesitating. 

"Wanda!" That made me stop. "I said take your drink. Laura took time out of her day to make you a drink, you need to drink it." 

"But I don't want it," I grit out, looking Nat straight in the eyes. 

"Well you're the kid and I'm the adult so you get to do what I told you. Take the drink." 

I just stood there, contemplating whether or not I was going to stay or leave the room when Laura spoke up. "Nat, it really didn't take me that long. Its' oka-"

"No!" Nat cut her off and Laura looked shocked. "Wanda will drink the hot chocolate because I told her too! Wanda, now!" Nat was yelling now so I quickly grabbed the cup and looked at her, waiting for her to calm down. "Go to your room," she said quietly. 

"What? Why? I took the drink!" I pointed out. 

"Because I told you too! I'm tired of you not listening to me! Go!" she shouted at me while pointing to the stairs. I had to blink back tears as I ran up the stairs and into my room. I made sure not to slam the door because I didn't want a repeat of what had happened last time I slammed the door. I placed the cup on the table in our room as I sat down on the bed, trying to figure out what I did to make her so mad. We were having a good time outside until we got back to the house, then I mentioned training and she flipped. 

It was lunch time but I didn't know if I was allowed out so I stayed on the bed. I turned on the TV and started watching whatever was on while I waited for Nat to come upstairs. Hopefully she was calmer when she arrived. 

NATASHA POV:

Wanda was making huge strides in her recovery. She was starting to eat small amounts of food and she was moving around a lot more. It had been a bit of an adjustment when Lila and Cooper had to go back to school because she had grown to like their company but she still had Nate. She was smiling and laughing now which made me ecstatic. 

She still wasn't getting much sleep at night and her nightmares seemed to be getting worse, not better but she wouldn't talk to a therapist so there was nothing I could do other than sit with her until she fell back asleep. 

I had hope that I was going to get her off of the tube within a week but she still didn't seem overly excited with the thought of eating so I wasn't so sure. She seemed to be forming relationships with all of the kids and even Clint and Laura. She was usually hanging around with me but she seemed to like being alone occasionally. I made sure to listen in when she was by herself, just every once and a while but it helped to ease my feel of fear being without her. 

I knew that I was going to have to get her to a school soon but I wanted to give her time to relax at home and get back to 100% health before I had her go anywhere. 

I tried to talk to her several times about her nightmares and her feelings but each time she would change the subject, leaving me feeling frustrated but understanding. I was the same way as her when I was younger so I knew all about diversion tactics. 

I asked Wanda if she would like to get out of the house. I didn't want her to get too used to just staying in the house and I knew that I was getting stir-crazy so I offered to get us out of the house. She thankfully agreed so I decided that we would stay on the property in case she got tired or wanted to go back in. 

She went upstairs to get changed. "Hey Lila, Cooper, do you guys want to come?" I asked them at the table. 

"I want to play soccer," Lila said. 

"Okay, that's fine. You guys don't have to come. How about you and Cooper stay here and play soccer and then maybe Wanda will play with you when we get back?"

"Okay!" Lila exclaimed and Cooper nodded. 

I went up the stairs to get changed and saw that Wanda was in the bathroom so I quickly got changed in the room before she came out. We left the house and started heading to the forest. I had made this trek many times so I knew where I was going. 

"Aren't Lila and Cooper coming?" Wanda asked as we made our way into the forest. 

"Nope," I responded. "I asked if they wanted to come but they said that they wanted to play soccer so I let them stay," I explained. 

"Oh," she sounded almost upset. 

"You seem disappointed. You don't want to spend some alone time with me?" I joked but I was seriously curious. 

"No, no! I was just wondering. I'm totally fine with just you." I laughed as I knocked my hip against hers and breathed a tiny sigh of relief. 

We finally arrived at the creek and I looked out over the water, enjoying the feel of the breeze through my hair. I looked over at Wanda when I heard her say, "Woah." Her eyes were as big as saucers as she looked at the water. I explained to her that there was a swimming area a little further down the creek and she seemed worried. I realized that she probably didn't know how to swim so I assured her that she would be able to stand and she seemed to calm down. 

I went to go sit down and Wanda followed. She slowly scooted closer to me until she was up against my side, my arm wrapped around her. We sat there for a while just enjoying the scenery when I felt her start to shiver. I knew it was time to head back before she got too cold. "Why don't we head back? It's getting pretty chilly out here." Wanda accepted quickly and we made the walk back to the house. 

The kids were no longer outside so we went into the house. Laura must've known that we were going to come back cold because she handed each of us a mug of steaming hot chocolate as we entered. I immediately started drinking mine but Wanda set hers down as she took off her coat. I didn't think much of it, assuming that she was probably just giving it time to cool. I turned to Laura and was about to start a conversation when I heard Wanda. 

"Hey Nat?" 

"Yes?" I responded, turning to her. 

"Can we train? I need to gain more control over my powers and if I don't train, I can never be an Avenger!" I didn't want to point out that she wasn't going to be an Avenger just yet. She was 16, way too young to be an Avenger! I didn't want her to have to deal with all of the hard work that came with the job and there was no way that I was going to let her risk getting hurt to save other people. She still had to go to school, I was _not_ going to let her drop out to become an Avenger. That just wasn't going to happen. No chance. 

"Not yet Wanda," I told her cautiously, waiting for an argument. 

"Why not? I'm ready!"

I couldn't tell her about my fears of her becoming an Avenger so I settled with, "You are still on the tube and you get exhausted very easily right now." All of this was true. "I just want to wait a little longer."

"But I'm ready!" she pushed. 

"Wanda!" I snapped, ending the argument. She huffed as she stomped into the living room and I just let her go. This wasn't an argument I was going to pick. Laura looked up from cleaning the dishes. 

"You handled that well," she told me. 

I sighed. "I'm just not ready for her to become an Avenger. She's too young!"

"She fought in Sokovia with you, didn't she?"

"Well yeah but that doesn't mean we were happy about it. That was about Ultron and she wanted revenge. I didn't really know her at the time so I didn't have a say on whether she fought or not."

"I fully agree with you when you say that she's young but you could always have her train. She lives with an Avenger, she should know how to fight for herself in case anything ever happens to her. Someone might try to hurt her to in turn hurt you or one of the other Avengers." A chill was sent down my spine at that. 

"Yeah, you're right," I mumbled as I grabbed Wanda's cup and headed into the living room to see Wanda playing with Nate. I set the cup down next to her and moved to the couch to sit. Laura also came in to read. 

Wanda got up and started leaving the living room so I reminded her to grab her cup. 

"I don't want it," she told me as she continued walking and I turned to watch her. 

"Well you're the kid and I'm the adult so you get to do what I told you. Take the drink." I was getting mad and Wanda's attitude wasn't helping matters. Wanda didn't move and I was going to say something else but Laura beat me to it. 

"Nat, it really didn't take me that long. It's oka-"

"No!" I cut her off and she looked at me, surprised. I never interrupted Laura or yelled at her. Both were big no-nos when I was younger. Before I could feel guilty I continued, "Wanda will drink the hot chocolate because I told her too! Wanda, now!" Wanda quickly walked over and grabbed the cup but quickly moved back to where she had been standing, looking at me almost scared. "Go to your room," I told her, scared that I was going to yell at her more. 

"What? Why? I took the drink!" she protested. 

"Because I told you too! I'm tired of you not listening to me! Go!" I screamed at the end and I saw the tears in Wanda's eyes before she turned to run up the stairs. I was breathing heavily as I thought of what I had just done. Nate started crying and Laura got up to take him. "I'm sorry," I told Laura quietly as she calmed Nate down. 

"For yelling at me or at Wanda?" Laura asked, eyeing me sternly. 

"Both," I mumbled. Laura had a way to make me feel like a young child with just one glance. 

"You're lucky you're no longer 15," she told me and I blushed, knowing full well what would have happened if I was still 15. 

"I know, I really am sorry Laura. I let my protectiveness over her and fear turn into anger. I should've controlled my emotions better, I think I'm just tired. Wanda's still having nightmares every night which is causing her to have more difficulties sleeping. I know it's not an excuse, I'm sorry."

Laura sighed but looked at me sympathetically this time. "You are doing so good with her Nat. I know she doesn't make it easy. Go talk to her, she needs you right now."

"I don't think she wants anything to do with me," I said, remembering her scared expression. 

"She does, trust me. She's probably up there right now thinking of all of the reasons why that was her fault, working herself up."

"Okay, thanks Laura," I said and I walked over to give her a hug before I walked upstairs to talk to my girl. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed the chapter!
> 
> As always, feedback is appreciated and if you would like to see anything added or changed, let me know! Thank you for everyone who comments, likes, or reads my story! I'm also still tossing around the idea of including corporal punishment. I have one person who says no and I would love to follow their request but if you would or would not like it included, please let me know so that I can get a feel of how many want it or don't want it! If you feel strongly about it, one way or the other, please let me know so that I don't upset anyone on this story! :)
> 
> Hope you guys have a great rest of your week!


	14. I Made It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda and Nat head back to the compound and try to deal with no longer having the Barton's around. Everyone else is so glad to have them home now, especially with Wanda doing much better than she did before she left!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Hope you are all doing great!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Eating disorder, anxiety, mention of self-harm. Be safe! :)
> 
> Ahhhh, I've been getting so many mixed feelings about including spankings!!! I think I'm gonna go for it...I will most likely include it in this story. All that means is that spanking will be used as a punishment in a few chapters. It will always be delivered in a mother/daughter form, never anything else. I will also make sure that whatever chapter I include it in will not have any major details that will be important to the story later in case you would like to skip the chapter. I'm sorry if I upset anyone with this decision!! 
> 
> Anyways, onto the final chapter of Be Okay! Thank you to everyone who has read, commented, or liked this story! You guys really are the ones who are causing me to write this story so thank you!!! The first chapter of the next part of this story will be out soon! 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy the chapter!

NATASHA POV:

As I climbed up the stairs to go talk to Wanda, I felt surprisingly nervous. I didn't know why I was so nervous, I was going to go talk to a teenage girl, I was the one in control. I got to the door and I hesitated for a second. I was scared that Wanda was going to be upset with me and that she wasn't going to be around me anymore. I heard sounds coming from inside the room and it took me a minute to recognize it as the TV. I got angry when I heard it, did she not know that the TV was off limits when sent to her room?

I immediately forgot about my nervousness as I was overcome by anger. I stormed into the room which made Wanda jump and turn to look at me. "Do you want to get in even more trouble?" I asked as I walked over to stand in front of her, my arms crossed. 

She looked at me confused. "What'd I do?" she asked as her face seemed to fall. I didn't say anything as I stormed over to grab the remote. I shut off the TV and looked at her. 

"I tell you to go to your room and you come in here and blatantly ignore me by turning on the TV? What were you thinking?" Before she could respond, I noticed the full cup of hot chocolate on her table. "And you didn't even drink your hot chocolate?" I was fuming.

I turned to look at her and immediately softened when I saw the tears running down her face. 

"I'm sorry Tasha, I was going to drink the hot chocolate, I swear! I just needed a minute to rest and think through what happened." 

"Okay but that still doesn't excuse the fact that you came in here to watch TV when you were supposed to be grounded," I told her, much calmer this time. 

"I didn't know that I wasn't allowed to watch TV. My parents never grounded us so I didn't know what this meant. I knew that I was supposed to come in here but I didn't know for how long or what I was and wasn't allowed to do while in here. I'm sorry." She was still crying but she was able to talk through the tears. 

Oh. I felt insanely guilty for assuming that Wanda was just being a bad child. I should have talked to her first instead of jumping to conclusions and getting mad. I always prided myself in being able to hide my emotions so I didn't know why I was having such a hard time controlling my anger. 

"I'm sorry honey, I didn't mean to assume that you were being bad. I should've asked. I guess we'll have to sit down soon and talk about what each punishment means, that way you know exactly what you have to do in each situation. I'm sorry for putting you in that position. You can always ask me if you have a question," I told her softly as I came to sit on the bed. 

"But you were mad. I didn't want to leave the room to ask you a question and then get in even more trouble." 

"I'm sorry. Don't be afraid to ask questions okay?" She nodded. "C'mere." I told her and she crawled the short way into my arms where I hugged her. Her tears had already dried.

"So let me explain what happened down there," I started as she pulled away from me. She scooted up to lean against the headboard and I sat in front of her. "I'm sorry I yelled. I shouldn't have yelled at you, especially in those circumstances. I was angry and I should have stepped away to calm down instead of taking it out on you."

"I'm sorry too," Wanda said. "I should have listened to you when you told me to just take the drink and drink it. I know that Laura did that to be nice, I just couldn't stop thinking of all of the calories in the drink and I got anxious. Next time I'll talk to you instead of being a brat about it." I smiled at her, she was just so good. 

"It's not your fault. Yes you should have listened to me when I told you what to do but I was also being completely unreasonable with you. I didn't have patience which made talking to me very difficult. I understand that and I will try my hardest to make sure that that never happens again. I'm not going to stand down on the training circumstances for right now, we can revisit that thought later but you do not have to drink the hot chocolate. It would be cold now anyways," I joked, trying to lighten up the mood of the conversation. 

"Okay, thanks Tasha." Wanda was playing with her rings which immediately clued me in to tell me that she was nervous. 

"What's wrong? You seem like you want to let something off your chest?" I pushed gently. 

"Don't get mad please, I just want you to hear my thoughts and feelings," she said nervously. I nodded to tell her to continue. "I know that you don't want me to train but I need to train. When we were back in the compound, I was working out constantly to try to lose weight because I couldn't stand the thought of eating and allowing it to nurture my body. Pietro is no longer here which means that he can no longer eat which means that I can no longer eat." I was surprised to say the least. I didn't know that these were the feelings going on in her mind but I didn't interrupt, scared that she would stop talking and close back up. "I know that I have to eat to survive but that was the thing, I didn't want to survive at the time. I am much better now and don't feel the need to die but I still can't stand the thought of allowing my body to get stronger and start feeling good without Pietro. I need to train to make my mind think that I'm burning all of the calories that I'm consuming. I know that that's not the point of training but I need to be able to at least exercise. Without it, there is no way that I can start eating. If I train, my body is getting stronger but I can force my mind to forget that so that it doesn't get upset." 

I was slightly confused by what she was saying but after I thought about it for a moment, everything made sense. She was scared of living without her brother and she felt like if she got back to normal, she would be betraying her brother in a way. She thought that her going back to normal would be her forgetting about Pietro or almost not caring about him anymore. It wasn't true but I knew how hard it was to convince your mind of that. That's why she was having a hard time eating because controlling how many calories she ate was a way of control for her. She hadn't been in control of any situation since her parents died and this was her way of trying to regain control. If she trained, she could trick her brain into thinking that she was burning a ton of calories which gave her a sense of control when in reality, she was also getting stronger, allowing her body to become more independent, without her brother. It was a difficult concept but I was starting to understand it and piece it all together after she told me all of that. 

"I have to train Nat, I just have to. I don't think I'm going to get any better without training." 

"Okay," I started slowly, choosing my next words carefully. "We can let you train but you have to follow a strict set of rules. You can only train when there is someone else in the room. No more than an hour of training in a day to start with, we can increase that number based on how well you're doing. If myself or another adult tells you to do something during training, you have to listen. We will only ever tell you to do something for your safety so if we tell you that it's time to finish, it's time to finish, no ifs, ands or buts. Other rules may be made during the time of your training and you have to promise to follow all of them or you will no longer be allowed to train." 

"I promise! Thanks Nat!" Wanda jumped into my arms to give me a big hug. I felt better about this. I had very specific rules that didn't have too much grey-space. I made sure that she will always have an adult watching her to make sure that she doesn't hurt herself or train too hard. There was a time limit so that she didn't end up burning too many calories. I knew that she was a stubborn kid so I had to make sure that if an adult told her something, it would immediately supersede any of the other rules. If an adult told her to stop after only fifteen minutes of training, she had to stop even though she was allowed to have an hour of training. I had to make sure that she had these so that she didn't fall into a bad cycle of working out 24/7 to try to burn off extra calories and so that she didn't hurt herself. I also made sure that she understood that training could be taken away from her at any moment if she chose to ignore a rule. 

"I'm not letting you train because I want you to burn calories, it's because I want you to have more control and to be able to protect yourself. You are perfect just the way you are and you don't need to change your body for anyone." I knew that her eating problem had more to do with a sense of control rather than a body image issue but I felt the need to tell her this anyways. 

"So are we going to train here or do we have to go back to the compound to do it?" Wanda asked sheepishly. 

"Well I guess that depends on you. If you want to do lighter training, we can train here in Clint's farm but if you want to do specific drills or more intense tricks, we will have to wait until we go back to the compound."

"Well I want to get better but I don't know if I'm ready to leave the farm yet. Well maybe we should go back, I'm disrupting Clint and Laura's lives and I can't continue to do that. They didn't ask to house a troubled teen, we should go back. Can we still visit though?" Wanda seemed upset so I held up a hand to calm her down and stop her. 

"Wanda, Clint was the one who asked us to come. Everyone loves you here, don't feel pressured to leave. We can definitely visit when we decide to leave but we don't have to leave just yet if you don't want to." I honestly felt ready to go back to the compound. I loved living with Clint and Laura and I was going to miss them intensely but it was time for me to get back on my feet and get back to going on missions. It would be different now that I had Wanda but I still was having a hard time just sitting inside 24/7. 

"I don't know! I kind of want to go back but I kind of want to stay. I'll miss everyone here but I want to get to training to be an Avenger." The longer I waited on telling her that she was not going to be an Avenger, the harder it was going to be to tell her but I didn't want to tell her just yet. 

"How about this. Let's stay here for the next week and then we can head back to the compound to start your training. That gives you time to hopefully get off of the tube and do whatever else you want to do while we're here. Then if we go back to the compound and you don't like it, we can come back here. I bet Laura and Clint would be glad to have us anytime," I suggested. 

"Okay," Wanda agreed hesitantly. "I guess that sounds good." 

WANDA POV:

Nat and I planned to stay at the compound for another week before we headed back to the compound. I really wanted to start training because I wanted to be ready for the next mission that the Avengers go on but I also wasn't ready to leave Laura, Clint and the kids. I loved them so much and I didn't want to leave them. 

The week had gone by exceptionally quickly and before I knew it, Nat was loading our bags on the jet to go back to the compound. I was still on my feeding tube but I had made some progress in my eating. Nat told me that we would finish getting me off of the tube once we got to the compound. 

"Please come visit us soon!" Lila said as she hugged around my legs. She had spent all morning begging Nat and I to stay but we told her that we would definitely visit. I bent down and lifted her up to my hip to give her a hug. 

"I promise we'll come back soon," I told her as I kissed her on the cheek. I set her down and gave Cooper a hug. He was not as soppy as Lila but he was still upset to see us leave. Laura handed me Nate and I hugged him, tickling his stomach. "I love you," I whispered to him. I had to blink back tears when I held him back to Laura. I was going to miss all of them so much but Nat assured me that we would go back soon. 

"C'mere sweetie," Laura said as she pulled me close. "Promise you'll come back soon," she said as we pulled away from each other. 

"I promise," I smiled lightly at her. Laura and I had gotten really close over the past few weeks so I had a hard time saying goodbye to her. Last was Clint. "Bye," I whispered as I hugged him. 

"Bye kiddo," he whispered as he ruffled my hair. I laughed and smoothed down my hair. "See you soon," he said and all of the kids waved goodbye as we climbed into the jet. I had to focus all of my energy on not crying as the doors to the jet closed and we started to leave. I was going to miss holding Nate. At first, Nate was a direct connection to Pietro given his name. I would hold him and pretend that Pietro was using Nate to talk to me but over my time spent at the farm, I grew to like Nate for Nate, not for Pietro. I was going to miss playing with Lila whether it was Barbies, bakery, house, or whatever else she liked to play. I was going to miss watching Cooper play his video games and watching movies with him. I was going to miss Laura's chocolate chip pancakes and hugs that she would give me when I was having a hard time. I was going to miss Clint messing around with me and calling me kiddo, always letting me know that he was there for me to talk to if I needed to. At least I still had Natasha. I held onto that thought so that I didn't burst into tears as the jet took off and made the farm just a tiny speck in the distance. 

Steve was piloting the jet and it was nice to see his face as I climbed on board. I smiled at him as I climbed into the jet and he gave me a broad smile back. I realized that the last time he had seen me was right after I had attempted to kill myself for the second time. He watched me as I screamed and cried and then he dropped Nat and I off at the farm. I had made massive improvements since he had seen me last. 

We took off and Nat came to sit next to me, squeezing my leg. 

"I'm gonna miss them," I choked out as I looked at her. 

"Me too," she whispered. "We'll go back to visit soon," she assured me. "Why don't you rest a bit before we go back to the compound? You didn't get much sleep last night." Last night was spent staying up late with the family to play games and watch movies, spending out last night together. Nat and I didn't get to our room until midnight. Then I fell asleep only to wake up at just before 2 in the morning with a nightmare. I was left crying and shaking, not able to fall back asleep. Natasha had stayed with me the entire time. We watched movies and she told me stories about some of her missions with Clint, the less violent ones of course. 

We then got up at 7 to eat breakfast and pack, then spend some more time with the family before we left. 

I agreed and closed my eyes, scooting closer to Nat, snuggling into her side. I felt her fingers carding through my hair before I fell asleep. 

When I woke up, we had already landed at the compound and Nat was gently shaking my shoulder. "We're here," she told me as I stood up. I grabbed my bag and started down the ramp with Nat right behind me. I paused once I got to the end to let her lead the way after I realized that I didn't know exactly where I was going. I hadn't stayed in the compound for that long and when I did live there, I had only ever gone to my bedroom, the gym, the kitchen, the bathroom and then the med-bay. I shuddered as I remembered my stay in the med-bay. 

Natasha led me into the compound and then walked through the halls until we ended up at my room. "Why don't you unpack and then you can meet me in the kitchen," Natasha suggested. "If you need anything, just ask FRIDAY." Nat then left my room and headed down the hall while I started to unpack. I had forgotten about FRIDAY. The farm didn't have an AI so I had gotten used to not talking to the ceiling if I needed something. 

I quickly finished unpacking and then after one quick look around my room, I took the familiar path down to the kitchen, not wanting to upset Nat if I took too long. When I got in there, Nat wasn't there but Steve and Tony were. 

"Hi guys," I said as I sat down at a bar-stool. 

"Hi," Tony started cautiously. "How are you feeling?" I could see him glance at my wrists and then at my tube. I was wearing a hoodie so he couldn't see my wrists but my tube was still there. 

"I'm good. Nat says I should be off of the tube soon." His eyes jumped over to meet mine after that statement. "I'm doing much better than before," I assured him. 

"Good, I'm glad. We were worried for a while, little witch." I scoffed but smiled at him. From what I heard from others, Tony didn't usually show emotions so it was nice that he felt comfortable enough around me to be genuine. 

"Thanks but I'm good now! No more need to worry." I smiled at him but he didn't look too convinced as his eyes wandered back down to my wrists to try to see anything. Steve must have told him what happened when he dropped me off at the farm. He probably thought that I had done it several more times when I was there. If I didn't have red marks from the rubber band, I would have lifted my sleeve up to show him that there were no fresh cut wounds. 

"So I heard you're back to train?" Tony asked and I nodded. 

"Yup, we wanted a bigger area to train than the farm so we figured we'd come back for a little bit. Not sure how long we're staying though."

"Well it's nice to have you back," Tony said as he left, squeezing my shoulder on the way out. Nat chose just that time to enter the kitchen and sit down next to me. 

Her and Steve had a quick conversation about how training should work with me but I wasn't very focused as I thought about the farm. I really did miss them already. Maybe Nat and I could call them. Facetime them even. That was a thing right? I got pulled out of my thoughts by a plate of food being placed in front of me. It was a plate of buttered noodles. 

It was already almost 2 in the afternoon so it was definitely time to eat lunch as I had only eaten a small breakfast before we left the farm. Instead of arguing, I quickly ate the noodles, looking forward to training. I knew that Nat wouldn't let me train if I hadn't eaten so I made sure to eat. I wanted to please her so that she would let me train. She told me that she didn't want me to train while I still had the tube but I wasn't quite ready to just pull it out yet. I was definitely eating more but I wasn't eating enough to sustain my body. 

"All right hun, you ready?" Nat asked after she saw that I was done eating. 

"Yes!" I replied eagerly. She laughed but led the way down to the gym. I felt a little nervous to train but that was easily overcome by excitement. I was in a tank top and leggings, just like Nat, the only difference was I had a light hoodie pulled over the tank top to hide the red marks caused by the rubber band. Nat looked at me a little weird when I didn't take it off as we stepped on the mat but she didn't say anything. 

We had an extremely light training session but it didn't mean I wasn't exhausted by the time it was over. The most movement I had done in the past several weeks was walk about a half mile down to a creek and that was a slow, gentle walk. Nat hadn't done anything over the top for our workout. She mainly had me lightly, and I mean _lightly_ , spar for about five minutes while she bounced around me, avoiding all of my hits. Then we switched to power control. She had a few bean bags that she tossed in the air. She then held up a ring and I had to catch the bean bag with my powers and carry it over to throw it though the ring. The bean bags were incredibly light so I didn't have to try very hard to use my powers. I was almost frustrated with how easy it was but I was so glad to be back in the gym that I didn't argue. I also was super tired so it must have done something. 

Dinner time came and Nat let me get away with just eating a garlic knot while Steve, Tony, Rhodey and her all dug into lasagna. Thor had apparently gone to go find Jane, Bruce had disappeared after Ultron, Vision was currently not in the compound and I had no idea where Sam was. I had yet to meet Sam but I had heard stories about him in my time at the compound.

Tony insisted that we have a movie night so we all gathered around the living room to watch a movie as a family. I was sitting next to Nat, Tony was on my other side. Rhodey and Steve both have a chair on opposite sides of the couch. 

I was getting tired, my training fully setting in, and I leaned my head against Nat's shoulder while I closed my eyes, no longer fighting sleep. I was too tired. I was about to fall asleep when I heard Nat whisper something to me. "I love you my sweet, little witch."

My eyes shot open. She had never told me she loved me before. She had told me several times that she cared about me or that she wanted to keep me safe but never that she _loved_ me. I had taken notice of that because I had been wanting to be told that ever since Pietro died but it never came, now that it did, I was overcome with emotion. 

I pulled my body closer to her as I stuck my face into her chest. "I love you too," I whispered, trying to hold back tears, before I drifted off to sleep, feeling her fingers carding through my hair and rubbing my back. Then something happened that I thought would never be possible again, I felt happy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed the last chapter!!!
> 
> Thank you so, so, so, so, SO much to everyone who has interacted with this story in one way or another!!! I love you all and I just want you all to know that you are the main reason that I am deciding to continue with this story!!! 
> 
> I'm hoping to have the next chapter out by this weekend but if that doesn't happen, it should be no later than the middle of next week!!
> 
> Thank you all again!! Have a great rest of your week!!


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